What I’ve Learned Since Becoming A Mom (The Things That Suck)

Do you remember my old meme You Know You’re A Mom When-sDaze?

I really miss it sometimes. And in light of no naps, this isn’t going to be a touchy, feel good post swooning about the wonders of motherhood…on the contrary…this is a post about all the things that I’ve realized since becoming a mom…and most of them suck.

Keep in mind my kids are 4 and 2, so things will/ might hopefully will change as they get older…but that I know in my brain that they probably won’t, which is one reason why being a mom sometimes sucks.

You Know You’re A Mom When…

You realize that cleaning is a futile effort and a total waste of time

It’s not worth having nice things anymore because they always end up broken or lost

You have to hide treats that you don’t want to share, and can only eat them when the kids aren’t around

You come to the realization that you rarely are able to pee, poop, or change a tampon without an audience, and if you’re lucky enough to get the door closed to do it, you’ll have to listen to them bang on the door for however long it takes

You understand that a little boy’s penis will automatically aim at the walls/floors/toilet lid/anywhere but the bowl of the toilet when they pee. And on that note, your bathrooms will never be more disgusting

You begin to believe you speak a language that your children do not understand

You scream at your children in a way that you’ve never screamed at any other person (including your husband and other adults)

Little people who don’t even know their ABCs know exactly how to push every single button you have

There is such a thing as a 24/7 job, and for 20/6 of it, it’s an entirely thankless one

You know that you can’t force kids to eat or sleep no matter how hard you try

You’ve decided you are okay with the fact that sometimes it’s okay to let them eat candy for breakfast, and that sometimes you just don’t care if they eat or not

Locking them in their room to nap seems like an entirely rational decision

It’s pretty much impossible to keep kids out of your stuff, no matter where you hide it

Vacuuming does drown out the sounds of screaming

It’s okay to skip out of the preschool when you drop your kid off for a few hours

You really start to believe that your kids are smarter than you, and that you really are not in charge 95% of the time

You say “flush the toilet” almost as much as you say “shut the door”

Toddlers prefer to party nekkid. In fact, they prefer to do everything nekkid

Never in a million years would you think that you would have to force kids to keep their clothes on, remind them to put underwear on, and/or demand that they must wear underwear or a diaper to dinner. People that don’t have kids could never understand how often we have these conversations

You know that toddlers have to take off all of their clothes to use the toilet

Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel most evenings whatever time the witching hour at your house starts (here, it’s about 5 pm)

Let’s hear your favorite You Know You’re A Mom When…!

Blogmas Worthy

Comments

  1. ...when your living room looks like a toy room. ...when conversations with your husband include more "bathroom" than "bedroom" words. ...when a round of ro sham bo decides who changes the next poopy diaper. ...when your lunch consists of the leftover bites of mac & cheese, yogurt, and apples. ...when you don't think twice about picking your kids nose to get the big bugger out that's being sucked in and out. ...I could go on and on...
  2. Such a true and comprehensive list! And the "witching hour" - how IS it that they all know to be wild/crazy/fussy at that time of day? Geez.
  3. I made my husband read this, and he said that he agreed with most of it. And giggled. And then I asked him which one he disagreed with, he said "None." :)
  4. Tim@sogeshirts says:
    This is funny and scary at the same time. Mostly scary considering all the things you have learned about the bathroom activities.
  5. - when you find yourself picking up a piece of food off the floor and popping it into your mouth because you haven't eaten yet. - when a daily shower becomes a fond memory - when you know what happened on Toopy & Binoo before you know of world events. - when you know the theme song to Toopy & Binoo and practically every other cartoon known to man - when your laundry basket becomes bottomless. Just when you swear you just emptied it, it's full again. I love your list and can relate to them all! Good to know we're not alone!
  6. Great list and it will go on, except you'll be adding more... like forgetting what change is once they're old enough to shop for you. how they have the instincts of a lawyer at curfew time....
  7. This is a wonderful list! I have realized many of these things too.
  8. My kids are now 15 & 19, so reading this took me back-WAY BACK! I can assure you that most of it gets better, but boys never learn how to aim. My son fell in love with guns & hunting with my family. We've had several liberal teachers who are offended that we hunt, fish & eat wild game, and they wanted to suspend him when he wrote an essay on hunting & drew a picture of a deer being shot. Then there are girls - hormones! Falling in love! Periods, mood swings & I could go on but we are after all females ourselves…
  9. ...when you never get to finish a sentence ...every time someone screams you wonder if you could hide somewhere ...leaving the house takes an hour, someone always ends up having a breakdown (usually you) and you ALWAYS forget something
  10. Well, you know I've had some real trouble adjusting to motherhood because it's so different than my life before and I truly wasn't prepared for how hard it is. Yes, so many things do suck about it. I mean, The love I have always overpowers the suck, but still. For instance, my thing right now is that my husband gets to sit down and eat, but I have to spend time cutting up little pieces of whatever is on my plate to give to Luke. No matter how hungry I am, I have to not only share my food, but cut it up BEFORE i eat. Clearly it's a sore spot ;)
  11. You know you're a Mom when every one of those makes absolute sense! LoL
  12. You know you're a mom when.... Poop is an acceptable thing to have a long conversation about without getting disgusted. You will arrange furniture in such a way to prevent your son from getting seriously injured when he parachutes off the couch, no matter how many times you tell him not to do it. You realize your toddler is smarter than you because they can take apart a door easier than you can put it back together.
  13. Mrs. Wonder says:
    ... a trip to the grocery alone could be consider a treat. ... You turn into that lady at the playground glaring at other children for climbing up the slide and being a bad influence to your toddler. And they stop. You go out to dinner and only get to finish yours because your husband is holding the toddler while you're shoveling it down.
  14. Oh it's like you've read my mind! For me, I didn't realize that when I chose my kids names before they were born that I would be saying, yelling, screetching, screaming-at-the-top-of-my-lungs 5,000 times a day. I would have chosen easier names to say! lol
  15. Nodded my way through all of this!
  16. Shell stole my comment, cuz Uh Huh!! you know you're a mom when you've actually considered sucking the snot out of your kid's nose [by yourself] because they simply can not breathe. Also? A booger hidden on your sock or hem of the pants is totally acceptable when you're out of other options.
  17. I think I agreed with all of this!
  18. I miss this meme! I have a running list too that I should publish. The witching hour still baffles me and children that wake up one morning at 7, like little angels and the next at 5:30. No rhyme or reason. Devils!
  19. HOly crap...ARE you looking in my window!?? Because I was shaking my head and agreeing, remembering my own little house of torture, the entire time! Let me burst your "when they get older" bubble...you will have to remind them to shower WITH soap, endure countless eye rolls accompanied by a you're-so-dumb tone of voice, and STILl repeat yourself constantly. Sorry!
  20. You know your a mom when you finally understand... -Why women leave their families behind without a seeming thought. -How children get locked in closets. -Guilt is the biggest weapon in the word, and the kid has the upper hand. -How a kiss wipes away anger...When no matter how mad at your child you are, he/she crawls in your lap, puckers up and gives you the sweetest kiss in the world, all is forgiven.
  21. I needed to read this today. Had a horrible, rotten, screaming, witching hour ALL DAY LONG, kind of day with the kids yesterday and was seriously wondering why I ever decided to have them. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one suffering through (and very much noticing) all the sucky parts of parenting. :)
  22. Taking all of their clothes off to go to the bathroom makes me laugh as much as kids who sing in full voice while they are going to the bathroom. They are so oblivious in the bathroom. Can you imagine the adult world working this way? I crack myself up imaging all these corporate big wigs completely undressing so they can go to the bathroom. Or walking into a big law firm's bathroom only to hear someone belting out Whitney Houston. Ah to be under the age of 8.
  23. Hi! I'm totally new here. I'm the PR manager for Paci Plushies. I'm also a mom myself of 5 under 5. I can totally relate to this. I hope we can work together sometime soon (not sure if your 2 year olds use pacifiers, but I'd love to introduce our product). Either way, I'm a new reader!
  24. Oh, yes to every single one of these. I actually had a massive freak out last week in which I cracked and was blubbering to my husband that I couldn't even change a tampon in privacy. He totally loved this conversation of course. How about the butt wiping, never did I imagine I would be called on so often to wipe butts... and go running to their aid.
  25. Great List and truer words have never been spoken. How bout these? ~You totally are stumped when in public and people comment how well behaved your kids are ~You have to google how to clean Sharpie or anything else out of/off something. OF course now, we can ask via Twitter or FB or Blog it or all of it. ~You realize that you know the words to many kid songs and you know more about kid shows than you ever wanted to ~That so called Home Ec (or whatever your school called it) class on/about babies left a lot of info out. Like the toddler years. Or that you might want to keep up on school studies cause you will have to help them w/homework you cannot comprehend even though you know you too learned (and apparently) lost this info
  26. ...when "clean enough" is a rule you apply to your own clothing
  27. I've given up on having nice things for the next 16 years. Jessica recently posted..How To Fix Google Friend Connect On WordPress BlogsMy Profile
  28. I totally love this! My post scheduled for tomorrow is very similar to this! So relieved to know I'm not the only one who feeds her kids candy at meals sometimes just to get a break from having to nag them about eating something healthy. And the bathroom...yeah, with 3 boys, I can completely relate. Never in a million years did I think I'd be saying things like, "How on earth did you guys get pee on the WALL above the toilet?" and "Is it too much to ask that you boys pee IN the toilet and not AROUND the toilet?"
    • Um yeah.. as a home where Im the only female.... someday I will have my own bathroom.. it will be for myself and other female visitors to my home and it will smell nice, have big fluffy towels that never get left somewhere for that 'sour' aroma, and will have a big 'no boys allowed' sign on the door followed by deadbolt ..... ahhh Motherhood!
  29. Hilarious! And, yeah, I'd almost, kind of, really, forgotten some of that, so this post was EXACTLY what my baby cravings needed! Thanks! :) Emily recently posted..Nice Boys, Ninjas, and The Case Against Famous MenMy Profile
  30. So right! What a funny but accurate list. You know you're a mom when you use your hands to wipe their nose.
  31. I know I'm a dad when I make the incredibly insane decision to go to a restaurant, and I'm zoning out as one of the (or both) kids is being very loud, but not nearly as loud as he or she capable of being, so I'm kind-of enjoying a newly-defined quiet moment as the rest of the patrons give me death stares. John recently posted..Where I share my favorite black-bean burger recipeMy Profile
  32. Sadly - so many of those things are still true and my kids are 9, 16, 18 and almost 19. I've yet to have the "joys of motherhood outweigh the bad" moment. BUT there is some revenge. Like my 9-year-old has huge feet and her dad spoils her rotten and buys what she wants and now I can steal her shoes. And I go into my 18-year-old daughter's closet and take her clothing.
  33. You unexpectedly get to accompany your husband to the dump on a Saturday afternoon sans children and while you're pulling trash out of the trunk you find yourself thinking happily, "I love it when we get to go on dates!"
  34. - When you drop your kids off at Daycare and drive half way to work singing along to Yo Gabba Gabba before you realise you don't have to listen to it anymore. - When you have to explain to your 2 year old that 6mos olds don't know which toys and repeatedly yelling "No mine toy" won't change it. - When you feel like a snack but there is nothing left in the cupboard but kids fruit wrap things and you think "Meh that'll do" - When you realise kids fruit wrap things taste like crap and smell like sugar and additives and that perhaps they're the reason your kids have more energy than you.
  35. Rebecca Perez says:
    A booger hidden on your sock or hem of the pants is totally acceptable when you’re out of other options. Geez. And the bathroom…yeah, with 3 boys, I can completely relate. No matter how hungry I am, I have to not only share my food, but cut it up BEFORE i eat. Rebecca Perez recently posted..Acne TipsMy Profile
  36. This is great. We would never procreate if we knew these things, though... At least I wouldn't!! Jana A (@jana0926) recently posted..Thorns, Roses and Rosebuds 2011My Profile

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