Talking To Kids About Sex: 5 Tips To Make It Easier

Remember a couple of weeks back when I wrote a post about an eleven year old who got pregnant by her 13 year old boyfriend? How does that even happen? I mean, I know how it happens, but HOW DID IT HAPPEN? Where were the parents? The girl said she didn’t even know she was old enough to get pregnant. When she said that, I was floored. I know when I was eleven I didn’t know anything about sex. But times, they change, and nowadays we need to be talking to kids about sex at a very young age.

I have found some great tips on how to make the uncomfortable topic (for many parents) of talking to kids about sex a bit easier.

talking-to-kids-about-sex

5 Tips To Help You With Talking To Kids About Sex

  • Start Young – Dr. G, author of Ask Dr. G, recommends that you start talking about your child’s body and privacy as soon as your toddler notices a difference between boy bodies and girl bodies. Make sure to use the body part’s real name; a vagina is a vagina and a penis is a penis. Also make sure to explain what areas of your child’s body are private (anything a bathing suit covers), and that nobody should touch them there without their permission.
  • Keep Talking To Kids About SexDr. G also stresses that this is not one conversation, rather several short conversations. Establish that you are there to listen and answer any questions as best you can. The older your child gets, the more information that you can provide. You can start by talking about how your child’s body works, how the opposite sex’s body works, and eventually how those bodies come together and reproduce. These conversations may be uncomfortable at first, but will get easier as both of you continue to have the conversations.
  • Talk About Sex, But Details May Be Limited Based On Your Child’s Age – I found a great article on Parenting about how much information to give your child about sex based on age. Based on this information, between the ages of 6 or 7 you can give your child a basic description of sex: “You can say, “Nature [or God] created male and female bodies to fit together like puzzle pieces. When the penis and the vagina fit together, sperm, like tadpoles, swim through the penis and up to the egg.”
  • What To Talk About WebMD gives this information as a guide for what topics to discuss:
    -Explanation of anatomy and reproduction in males and females
    -Sexual intercourse and pregnancy
    -Fertility and birth control
    -Other forms of sexual behavior, including oral sex, masturbation (see Dr. G’s tips for    talking about this topic), and petting
    -Sexual orientation, including heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality
    -The physical & emotional aspects of sex, including the differences between males/  females
    -Self-image and peer pressure
    -Sexually transmitted diseases
    -Rape and date rape, including how being intoxicated (drunk or high), or accepting  rides or going to private places with strangers or acquaintances puts a person at risk

talking-to-kids-about-sex

  • The Sex Ed Handbook – Let’s face it, these aren’t going to be easy conversations to have. But I want the kids to be able to come to me with any and all questions instead of getting bad information about sex from their friends. I plan to start talking to the kids while they are still very young, so it won’t be hard to do as they get older. I found an amazing how-to handbook written by Dr. Laura Berman called the Sex Ed Handbook. Go download it now, bookmark it, and refer to it as needed!

If you still have questions, head over to Ask Dr. GIf you haven’t checked out her site, you should. You can submit questions that she will answer for you. She’s also the one who gave us the excellent advice on how to stop yelling at your kids

Have you started talking to kids about sex? What tips can you offer to other parents?

Comments

  1. I have to admit I’ve thought about the story of the 11 yr old a lot since you posted it. I know it happens and I know it happens more often than I’d like to admit. At the same time, it’s just so senseless and preventable. I’ve talked to my 12 year old (and indirectly my 10 year old because she’s an eager eavesdropper) but I still feel like I need to tell her more, all the things, sing the praises of self enjoyment because we’re about to start high school and OH BOY.
    Arnebya recently posted..The MathsMy Profile

    • OH BOY is right!

      It is so hard to know how much info is too much or not enough. Guess we will live and learn.
      Natalie recently posted..Pretzel Cookies Recipe: A Sweet and Salty TreatMy Profile

      • I know this post is a bit old but I LOVE IT!!! I think too many parents in general feel so uncomfortable with this subject they have no clue what to do. Being the oldest of four my dad was so awkward when we did the sex talk that I never felt comfortable going to him or my about anything again. I was also very young when I began to develop so dealing with those hormones and all the changes and I had no clue what was happening to me because no one would talk to me about it I felt like such a freak. We had just moved again for the forth time in four years so between all that I didn’t even tell my mom right away when I got my first period, which I didn’t even know what it was and as soon as I did my parents panicked you could tell they weren’t ready for this conversation at all and again it was just plain awkward, I ended up doing my own research by reading books. I especially love the first part where you state to call a penis a penis and a vagina a vagina I can’t stand all the nicknames people come up with for kids and their private parts.

  2. My kids have known how it works for a long time. I think people in Germany are much more open about this topic, so it really was no big deal. Back then I talked to my pediatrician about how much to tell them at what age and he said to just tell it like it is and kids will usually extract the info they can process and ask again when they need more info. That made sense to me and has worked well for us (in other areas as well).
    My daughter is 16 now and I definitely don’t want her to get knocked up! I keep telling her that she needs to use protection, not just to avoid getting pregnant, but also for STDs and she just rolls her eyes at me because “there is not a single cute guy at the High School” :)
    Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted..The Five Stages Of A HaircutMy Profile

  3. It is something I always wonder about – if I am saying enough or too much. But I do want my children to know that they can always come to us with questions. This is great info!
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Thank You, Unknown WomenMy Profile

  4. I found that having a book on the Birds and Bees and then discussing it with my child really helped. Here’s my list of Birds and Bees books:

    http://www.pragmaticmom.com/2012/03/the-birds-and-bees-talk/

    Hope it’s helpful for you too!
    PramgaticMom recently posted..Foreign Languages for Kids: Little Pim Twitter Party with Prizes!My Profile

  5. I would add to teach your kids the value or abstinence. It’s not old fashioned to wait for the right person & marry them before having casual sex. It’s a very intimate thing & it doesn’t need to be spread around to everyone! Besides saving yourself from std’s, unwanted pregnancies, emotional turmoil etc.

    • True but even if kids know the value of abstinence that doesn’t mean they don’t need to know how sex works. We hope they make the choice we think is right for them but we should also be prepared for them to make the choice not to be abstinent. They need to know the facts so they don’t face insurmountable consequences and choices before they are ready. Statistics show that keeping kids in the dark makes the onset of sexual activity earlier & informing them delays it. Don’t skip these conversations just because your plan for your child is abstinence.

  6. I know this post is a bit old but I LOVE IT!!! I think too many parents in general feel so uncomfortable with this subject they have no clue what to do. Being the oldest of four my dad was so awkward when we did the sex talk that I never felt comfortable going to him or my about anything again. I was also very young when I began to develop so dealing with those hormones and all the changes and I had no clue what was happening to me because no one would talk to me about it I felt like such a freak. We had just moved again for the forth time in four years so between all that I didn’t even tell my mom right away when I got my first period, which I didn’t even know what it was and as soon as I did my parents panicked you could tell they weren’t ready for this conversation at all and again it was just plain awkward, I ended up doing my own research by reading books. I especially love the first part where you state to call a penis a penis and a vagina a vagina I can’t stand all the nicknames people come up with for kids and their private parts.

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge