The Scoop on Poop

There will be no pictures here today. No, the actual events about to be discussed are not for the weak of stomach or faint of heart. It gets pretty nasty people, so if you want to run away, do it now. I’m going to tell you a story about poop. Poop and two toddlers.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. Auntie S came over to visit and she keeps the kids busy which gives me some time to myself. The weather was so nice that we spent the majority of the day outside. All the kids were on their best behavior, and it was an enjoyable day. I should have known there was a storm (or something else) a-brewin’.

After dinner, I took the kids up to give them a bath. All three of them like to get in the bathtub and splash around. It’s a tight fit, and Ms. M is always the first one out. She’s not a big fan of the bath. So I get her out of the bathtub and dry her off. I always let them go naked for awhile after they get out. She usually decides to run around: kissing the mirror, getting on the scale, trying to open cabinets and trying to get on our bed. But this evening, she stands in the corner and assumes the position.

Now you moms know the position I’m talking about…knees bent, head down, hands in fists, and  all kinds of red face and grunting. She has to poop. I have to get Ms. L out of the bathtub so that I can run into their room and get their diapers before she poops all over the floor. I hurry, get Ms. L out and dried off, and run to their room to get diapers.

In under a minute while I was gone, it happened. Ms. M pooped. But apparently she walked as she pooped. And stepped in it. And continued to walk. And apparently decided to pick it up to see what it felt like.

And this must’ve all looked like fun because Ms. L also walked in it. And picked it up. And…you know what’s coming…decided to see what it tasted like.

Yes folks, this is the same kid that I showed you eating mud the other day. And you all commented “Well, at least it wasn’t poop”. And I replied “Ha ha! Maybe mud tastes better than we think it does and we should try it out!” I will not be repeating those words here.

But no…that’s not the end of the story! After I got diapers on the babies, cleaned them up, cleaned up the poop and all that fun stuff, Tater was ready to get out of the tub. So I pull the plug to let the water out, get him out and dried up, and notice there’s something in the bottom of the tub. Uh huh, you guessed it. Apparently Ms. M had started her business IN the bathtub. That Tater and Ms. L continued to play in!

So I threw them all in the shower so I could clean out the tub. It’s now 6:30 p.m. and things are looking up because…guess what…bedtime for the twins is in a half hour!

We go downstairs to get their final bottles of the day. Ms. L is walking around drinking her milk, and Ms. M is drinking hers on the couch. I started washing dishes so that at 7 p.m. I could sit down, drink some wine, and watch Top Chef Just Desserts that I DVR’d last night. I look over, and Ms. L is carrying her bottle upside and spilling milk all over my just-mopped floor! I get down to clean it up, and look over to check on Ms. M. Who is shaking her upside down bottle all over the couch!

Yes, this is my life.

I had to get clearance from hubby to tell you about this story. Because believe it or not, this is not the first time Ms. L decided to snack on Ms. M’s poop. It’s actually the third time. The first time it happened, I was specifically told by hubby “You better not blog about this and you better not tell anybody!” All three episodes happened under these similar circumstances. You would think I would learn.

And she has also taken off her diaper in the crib and played with the goodies that were in it. She is SO going to hate me telling this story!

The next time you think of your kids’ yucky poop stories, just remember this one and remember that it could be worse. And if you have one worse, I’m not so sure I want to hear about it!

Congrats to one of my best blogging buddies Liz over at a belle, a bean, and a chicago dog….who received a HUGE bloggy honor today!
And so it goes…

PS – To top it off…Once the girls go down at night, I always pick up and put away all of their toys. Clean up the mess from the day. And as I sat on the couch with the laptop writing this post, Tater was playing. He was running back and forth and being good, and I’ll admit, I wasn’t paying any attention to what he was doing. Turns out he took every.single.toy. out of the toybox and moved it from the living room into the kitchen. Into a mountain of a pile. When I told him HE had to put it all away himself, he started crying and carrying on like a deranged lunatic. So as I update this post, he is crying. And carrying on like a deranged lunatic. And slowly, like one-toy-at-a-time-slowly, he is putting them all back in the toybox. And I am NOT going to help him!

Comments

  1. Hello! I'm Kate. says:
    Mine did that other day only he didn't eat it, thank God!

    But I do have a worse story involving poop, poison control & the doctor. And trust me, you don't want to hear it! lol
  2. o yeah... sounds like my life except the poop eating. I kinda gave up on mopping the floor every day since it is no use, it will be dirty in 30 sec, oh and to top it off I got a geriatric dog ;) but still no poop eating toddler, I think i'm done with that.
  3. Allyson & Jere says:
    Oh girl.....this is truly a STORY! I literally gasped out loud at the eating poop part. It's quite possible I might have DIED if that happened. I guess I'm the luckiest Mom ever, for we've never had any errant poop situations.

    My sister has twin boys, and well, she has MANY a smeared poop story. Oh man, i just keep shaking my head at this whole thing.

    Hang in there friend.
  4. poop stories make me laugh. totally laughing at you, too, not really with you. i'm a meanie like that.

    tater? he'll learn, now won't he? "don't blog about this" HE'LL learn too.

    happy friday, love. #eastcoast
  5. You make me so glad none of my kids ever had a fascination with poop. Ew. I think the grossest thing any of them did was go in the bathtub before they were potty trained.

    I do know where you're coming from with the drama & toys. Just last night, Cheeks threw an absolute fit b/c we asked her to clean her room. She stomped off to her room SCREAMING "Everything in my room is clean. I am a big kid & you are treating me like a child."

    I can only imagine the fun I have instore for me when she's a teenager.
  6. Losing Brownies says:
    Oh poop. The Boy is too small to play with it just yet, but he has grabbed at it since he's "found" his hands. I also maintain that looking at poop is the best diet.
  7. Ahh! That makes me remember thoses days when my twins were really small... they are three now, and let me tell you, it gets a lot better. Or at least, it changes :)
  8. Wow - this makes my poop story sound like a walk in the park! hahaha

    Ohh these are the moments....
  9. Eew, eew, eew! Why do they play with it?? Or eat it??

    I had a drink for you last night. I'll have another for you tonight. ;-)
  10. I'm so sorry - I'm not even truly able to laugh at this because it happened to me like 3 days ago. It's funny - I know it is - but I'm just so RIGHT there with you. It's exhausting and frustrating. My 3 1/2 year old makes piles. All the time. Everywhere. With everything. I hate it. And my girls "paint" with their bottles too. We call it painting. The wall behind their crib is a mess. My couch is a mess that smells like cheese. Sigh. Mess. Sigh. Good luck with your compulsive pooeater!
  11. What is it with children and the interest in poop? Maybe the squishiness?
  12. Well, you win because I don't have twins both eating it. But if it makes ya feel any better I've journaled about a multitude of poop stories. I thought all kids took their diapers off and smeared it all over themselves and the wall??
  13. Belle's Butterfly says:
    Oh my goodness. I hope you had a glass or 2 of wine last night. What a night. Knock on wood we have had no poop stories to share. Just when she was a newborn and we would go to change her cause we thought she was done, and she really wasn't. But luckily we had a diaper underneath her so no mess or problems.

    Belle is never without a diaper because I fear her peeing on the floor or something. I don't know what I would have done. I may have picked her up and held her over the toilet until she was done. Belle is a quiet pooper though. We never know until after when we can smell it.

    I can relate to the bottle being dumped every where. This is why her last bottle is with dinner and in her high chair.
  14. If I read this 3 years ago (pre-child) I'd have thrown up. Instead, I nodded my head the whole way through. Thankfully, neither D1 or D2 have eaten poop. Yet.
  15. Ah, the JOYS of motherhood!
  16. WTH am I Doing? says:
    Well, You've got me beat with poop stories. My son only ate poop once & it was the dog's. Conversely, the dog has also eaten Boo's poop. I think the dog had a worse reaction. My stepdaughter has done the "poo painting" before.

    Also? The back of my car? Is totally covered in milk spots. Boo thinks it's hysterical when the straw in his cup flips open & sprays milk everywhere.

    And the piles. Yes. And the hysteria when I tell them to clean it up. "i don't want to! it's too messy to clean!" Yeah, well, y'all made it that messy, so whose fault is that?

    *sigh* That's a lot for 1 evening. I hope you had extra wine...
  17. So glad the girl never ate her poop. Although she did poop in the tub. And spew diarrhea all over the carpet [we have hardwood floors now].
  18. It is amazing what kids will do. Just think one day they will have kids of their own and the same thing will happen to them.
  19. How about we just saw she is an "environmentalist." She knows the nutrients of manure, and is just experimenting in her toddler years because she will someday be a nobel prize winner?!?! it could happen, right?
  20. Momma0f3~1662~ says:
    OMG...That is horrible...funny...but, horrible. So glad I didn't have any problems with this with my first 2. My youngest is 3 months old so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that he isn't the little explorer!
  21. Booyah's Momma says:
    Oh, that's too funny... and gross! Maybe she saw you eating the kitty litter cake and thought it was okay?
  22. Oh crap. I mean poop! What a day....there just isn't anything to prepare you for these Mommy Moments, and if we knew about all these things we might think twice about having babies!

    I like what Booyah's Momma said.....maybe it's the Kitty Litter Cake backfiring!
  23. Holy cow...seriously? You deserve mother of the year award for a. dealing with this and b. not getting upset! I'd be freaking out if even half of this story happened with my house.

    Can you send some of your patience my way please??

    Hope the weekend is relatively poop-free!
  24. Aging Mommy says:
    I will tell you my one and only horrible story. When she was two my daughter one day during nap time when we thought she was asleep managed to get inside her diaper after pooping. When eventually we went to her room, thinking she was just waking up from her nap, we were greeted with Cell Block H. She had redecorated her room. You would never imagine one poopy diaper could stretch so far. Smeared all over the walls, all over herself, the carpet, all over her favorite cuddly toys, all over the lovely soft pink non-washable fabric of her rocking chair. Thankfully it was a weekend and my husband was the hero who cleaned up her room - I nearly puked just taking one look at it. So I got to clean up the child instead. Thankfully also she never did it again.

    Oh my Natalie, those two are going to keep you on your toes! I hope you have a less eventful weekend :-)
  25. Oh, gross! Unfortunately, we have many poop mess stories here, too. YUCK!
  26. There must be so weird crap going down because well, I may or may not of stepped in some too.
  27. redriverpak says:
    What better way to the end the week than with a good poop story! Thanks for NOT posting pictures of this little adventure! Catch ya when I get back! :)
  28. Oh lady, this whole thing made me laugh. The best part? Your good humor about it all. I hope you treated yourself to a nice glass of red wine when it was done.

    And a brownie.
  29. Megan (Best of Fates) says:
    Oh man, that's hilarious!

    And definitely something that's going to haunt your daughter!

    And something that makes me consider not having kids.

    So it's quite something.

    p.s.~ I'm totally whoring out my love of David Hyde Pierce today
    http://bestoffates.com/david-hyde-pierce-star-of-fraiser-curtains-and-my-heart/
    p.p.s.~ You know you love him too - he's just too sexy.
  30. My kids have played with it, fingerpainted with it, left footprints all over the house with it, smeared it on every surface you can imagine (you're dying to come visit no aren't you) but NEVER (that I know of) have they tasted it.
  31. Lordy, I'm glad those days are behind me... too funny... I don't think the kids think of it as 'poop' but as a special something that came from them... maintain, my dear, maintain...
  32. Amazing, isn't it, how it's so much super happy fun joy to move a bunch of stuff from one place to the other, and yet sheer torturous agony to move it back?
  33. Joann Mannix says:
    I am tired after reading your post. To the bone tired.

    Oh and here's my poop story. Hmm, I don't get to say that line very much.

    But when my oldest girl was potty training, my husband built her a potty throne. He made this incredible potty seat out of wood and cut a hole insert for a potty seat.

    She had her little friend over Robbie who was about 14 months younger than her. They were playing quietly in her room. At least I thought they were. She came into the the kitchen and announced that Robbie ate her poop. And sure enough, she had done her business in the potty seat without telling me. When she was finished, I guess Robbie thought it looked like a delicious snack and helped himself.

    As I was flossing the poop out of his baby teeth, I thought, I wonder how many people can say they've flossed out poop.

    My daughter is now in college, Robbie is in his senior year of high school and she still teases him about that.
  34. Just Another Mom of 2 says:
    Oh girl, I thought my night was bad last night!! Just-- yuck!! I hope you get a chance to relax- sheesh!
  35. Thanks for the laugh. I haven't had any bad poop experiences lately, thank goodness. But when my now 5-yr-old daughter was still in diapers, she stuck her hand down her backside into her dirty diaper, looked at the brown stuff on her fingers and licked it. And then she threw up. Everytime she saw or smelled poop for the next YEAR, she would gag and retch. It was not good.
  36. I have to have my daughter read this! Her son had a diaper blow out that turned into a sampling fest. Followed by cleaning. And smearing the bathroom and her. Ended with a Mommy-Baby shower.
  37. Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli says:
    Oh. My. That is definitely not for the faint of heart. I have a question. You were in the bathroom, why not just hold her on the toilet?
  38. C (Kid Things) says:
    Been there. With almost all of it. Thankfully, my kids have never eaten their poop. Yet. Though it has been smeared and walked through everywhere else.
  39. Sluiter Nation says:
    Eddie has only grabbed his testicles that were covered in poop. Luckily, there was no tasting involved. Although as an infant? He peed in his own mouth twice.
  40. Join Scentsy says:
    I think the best choice of words are ooooooo yuck. Although, everyone poops, you are right, it isn't for the faint of heart. :)
  41. the mombshell says:
    As soon as you said 'bath', I knew what was coming.
  42. The Flying Chalupa says:
    Natalie, you have had a helluva day. Plain and simple. I'm going to remember this story when I think things aren't going right. Talk about the energy getting three kids cleaned up three times and cleaning the floor and toys and - it's endless! PS - when the eff to you have time to mop your floor???
  43. Oh boy. That's all. That is enough. I'm sorry, friend.
  44. Anonymous says:
    Wow- thank god...I am not the parent a nutty crazy poop infactuated child...it is normal!!!!! yeh!
    my 24mo old girl just yesterday took a major poop while sitting on our new leather couch. She then put her hands in her diaper and scooped it out...then smeared it all over herself and the couch!!! totally gross!

    Using Mr. Clean on the couch totally faded the leather (opps but I had to 'disinfect it'- my husnad was displeased to say the least...) and it was a disaster to clean her up, the couch, myself and the bathroom. I just hope she doesn't do it again...my 5 year old girl won't sit on the couch now ...says it grossed her out! oh my.. :) we'll laugh about these things when we are ...maybe 50! ha!