I stand in the dark room with the hall light shining behind me and watch him.
He looks so sweet, so innocent when he sleeps.
I love listening to the slow air in his little nose as he gently breathes…a quiet snore here and there.
The drool running down his cheek.
A slight twitch of fingers or a kick of the leg.
A glisten of sweat because he is all covered up in so many blankets even though it’s warm.
He is getting so big so fast. He doesn’t like me to snuggle him anymore. He pushes away if I try to pepper him with kisses and I get a “Mooooom!” if I hug him to tight or for too long. He waves bye instead of kissing me in front of his friends.
I climb on his bed, hoping he won’t wake. I get behind him and pull him close to me, he doesn’t pull away. I lay there with him quietly. I listen to his his breathing and feel his soft breath on my hands that are entwined with his. I put my nose on his head and smell his hair. He doesn’t pull away.
I kiss his head, his shoulders, his fingers. He doesn’t pull away.
I hug him tightly for as long as I want. He doesn’t pull away.
I want to stay like this forever. I want to keep snuggling. I want for him to stop growing up so quickly. I want for him to stay a little boy, my little boy, forever. To never pull away.
I pull away. I easily climb off the bed and walk towards the door, looking back on him one more time. Tomorrow morning he’ll wake up and give me a quick hug and kiss and that will be enough. Because I will know that if I need more love I’ll just climb in bed with him again tomorrow night and get my fill.