Monster Mommy Moment – KLZ Style

mommyofamonster

Today, one of my favorite people in all of bloggy land, KLZ from over at Taming Insanity, is going to be sharing a Monster Mommy Moment with us!

No idea what a Monster Mommy Moment is? You can read all about how my new weekly feature came to be here.

KLZ always make me laugh or think (or sometimes both) whenever I read her blog…and that’s everyday. If you don’t already know her, you’ll quickly realize that she’s honest, witty, and oh yes, VERY sarcastic. I think that’s what I like about her – it’s like talking to any of my family when I talk to her.

So grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, and enjoy KLZ’s Monster Mommy Moment!

———-

Gone Fishing

There are behaviors you know you don’t want your child to learn.

You know you don’t want them to swear or bite or throw food.

There are other behaviors you’d prefer didn’t develop but which you never saw coming. Alex has recently developed one of these. Or rather, I fostered a bad habit in him without meaning to.

I have a tendency to lose my phone. Since I recently stepped into this century and got an iPhone, I’ve been working very hard not to lose it. For one thing, there’s a bet amongst my friends as to when I’ll lose this phone and I’m determined to help the person with the most faith in me win.

For another, I really like this phone. Not to pimp the Apple agenda but having this phone has made my life much easier. I may even have developed a small addiction to the phone. Just a teeny one. Don’t tell.

So while I was lounging in my pajamas with Alex over Christmas break, I made a hasty decision. I had no pockets and needed to carry Alex and a number of other things. Without thinking it through, I shoved my phone into my bra. It was a super classy moment that no one was around to witness. Or so I thought.

Two days later, we were at lunch with my family and my phone was nestled snuggly in my coatpocket. Alex was past nap time and becoming rather cranky. When he’s cranky, he likes to watch YouTube videos on my phone. Oh, hush, you’d do it too.

In order to keep peace in the restaurant, I was standing with Alex bouncing on my hip. He stroked my back. He fondled my hip. I didn’t pay much attention.

That is, until he plunged his hand deep into my bra. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I realized he was on a mission to find my phone. As he pulled the fabric away from my skin to get a better view of any treasures that may lie within my dress, my whole family burst into riotous laughter.

Alex was pleased with this turn of events.

For the rest of lunch, he proceeded to search my dress for a phone that wasn’t there. Even after I presented him with his electronic desire, he kept searching in an attempt to get my family to play this new “undress mommy” game with him.

I hung my head, ashamed at what I’d forgotten. Even when you think you are alone with your baby, you have a quiet, observant witness at all times: the baby.

Mom fail. Monster mom fail.

I now have a frequent, embarrassing reminder that Alex sees and remembers much more than I expect him to.

That reminder is his hand groping in my shirt.

———-

Now go swing by Taming Insanity and say hello to KLZ! I know you’ll really enjoy her blog.

And so it goes…

Comments

  1. that. is. awesome!

    apparently I once asked my grandma if I could see her boobs. poor, mortified, old lady.
  2. Booyah's Momma says:
    I so wish I had your phone number. Just so I could call you and hear your boobs ring.
  3. Hahaha! I keep pacifiers in my bra at all times. My kids are always reaching in there. Emma calls it my "pocket". Thank goodness for the ample nursing cleavage I'm sporting right now. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem! Thanks KLZ!
  4. Is there an app for that?

    Hank just likes to look for my breasts which is why I wear a sports bra at all times. But I think I'm going to use the phone excuse. It might not be so cute when he's 12.
  5. Snuggle Wasteland says:
    At my house we call iphones and ipads Electronic Pacifiers. Never leave home without one.
  6. How typical that you were wearing a dress.

    Carla tells me all the time about all the fabulous apps and how they help her. Even things like refilling pharmacy prescriptions.

    I can't validate the cost of the data plan, so I've got my semi-smart phone.
  7. LOL...that is a great story, the kind of giggle that a Monday morning needs. :)
  8. Oh, that is so funny!

    Btw, I lose my phone all. the. time.

    My ringtone on my old phone used to say "yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I'm over here, I'm over here!" as a joke for how many times I had to ask someone to call my phone so that I could find it.
  9. The Empress says:
    Ha! This wouldn't happen if you didn't WEAR DRESSES ALL THE TIME.

    xo
  10. Too funny. On a related note, my daughter's favorite word is currently "bra." It's okay when she points out mine, but when she grabs her teacher's bra strap at daycare? Not so cool.
  11. Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville says:
    Haha, there's something humbling about having an ice cold toddler hand plunged down your shirt. The only place your dignity can go is up. At least til they're describing your... ahem... actions in a public bathroom."mama, thats a BIG ONE!"

    *sigh*
  12. Not Just Another Jennifer says:
    Too funny! We also use the iTouch to distract our munchkins. There are a couple of free games out there Peek-A-Boo Barn (oddly appropriate for this post) and Toddler Counting.
  13. I'm impressed that the phone actually stays put. Place something in my bra, and it's to the floor, baby. To. The. Floor. (sigh)
  14. One of my daughters carries everything her bra...pacifier, phone, boogie wipe, beer.....
  15. I'm with the whole dress thing....turtleneck sweaters will stop that problem.

    But I also did think it would be funny to hear your boobs ring. In a restaurant. And I'm quite jealous that you actually have boobs to contain the phone, as mine would just slide on past and continue towards the floor.

    If I were wearing a dress, that is.
  16. Dolli-Mama says:
    Love it! I do this too, (put my phone in my bra) and my son tells me "check your shirt" when I am looking for my phone, or when he wants it. I am lucky he doesn't search it for me! :)
  17. I.love.it.

    Note to self for when I get my iPhone: don't carry around in bra.
  18. WTH am I Doing? says:
    Heh. I frequently use my bra strap to hold things...like my phone. It never occurred to me that may that was why Boo was constantly grabbing at my boobs.

    I just thought he was a future boob man...since practically ever picture I have of him being held by a woman depicts his hand squarely on the boob...
  19. While I'm hoping he doesn't think all females keep things hidden in the cleave, I'm also kind of hoping for the entertaining story of him doing this to someone else. Wrong? Yes. But the humor potential is just too much.
  20. I wish I could blame a phone for my son's constant need to pull at my shirt.
  21. That is so funny! And adorable at the same time.

    And, I don't have an iPhone. Yet. But? An iPod that is in my hand way more than I care to reveal.
  22. See this would never happen to me because my boobage isn't big enough to even hold a bra up!
  23. The mad woman behind the blog says:
    Anyone else notice this is a primarily MALE fixation? I'll have to test my theory with baby #2.
    I used to shove my iPod in my bra when I ran. I think all my sweat may have ruined a few functions.
  24. Um... think he'll be a boob man when he grows up?
  25. Hello! I'm Kate. says:
    Hilarious!
  26. Thanks for hosting me. I managed to go theday without putting my phone in my bra once...not that I wasn't tempted :)
  27. Babes Mami says:
    I laughed hysterically at this because I am generally around the house in workout/yoga pants and a tee or tank and I only have one pair with pockets and since my son likes to put my phones in the toilet (this is the 3rd one) I stick it in my bra and now whenever he wants it or can't find anything (a pen, his ball, whatever) he digs around in my bra! Once I wasn't paying attention and he got my boob half out at Fresh Market!
  28. Sluiter Nation says:
    This. Is. Awesome.

    In other boob-related events, my son grabbed mine as a handle once when he thought he was falling.

    We were in Target.

    Awkward.
  29. Soge shirts says:
    You combine boobs with the entertaining power of youtube videos and that is going to lead towards an iphone search/gropefest everyime.
  30. Oh, I've had many many (many) boob moments - but none where my son went digging for them.

    I actually wear sundresses a lot in warm weather, but since Jack is 13 now, I don't think I need to worry.

    My worst boob moment: When the assistant principal of my high school used his key to walk into my locked classroom (he thought it was empty and wanted to leave me a note). It was my lunch break and I was pumping breast milk(yep. double pump. both nipples stetched like a dairy cow).

    He never looked me in the eye again.
  31. I love this...it could totally be an ad campaign for Apple - something along the lines of, "Kids will do whatever it takes to cuddle up to their mom's iphone. Whatever it takes!"

    If this is your worst moment my friend I think you are doing a damn good job as a mom!!
  32. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:
    Dear god I love you even more now that I know you put your phone in your bra!!! Antlers and all!!
  33. I'm totally cracking up over this. Mostly because I've been groped in public more often by my children than I ever was in Mexico on Spring Break. Just sayin'.
  34. Isn't that what bras are for? I used to put my car key there when I was planning weddings...It ensured I wouldn't lose it anywhere...the little red alarm button always faced up and anyone taller than me thought it was hilarious.