Monster Mommy Moment – Kate Style

 MommyofaMonster
Today, I am so excited to have one of my first blogging friends here: Kate from  Mommy Monologues, who is sharing a Monster Mommy Moment with us!
No idea what a Monster Mommy Moment is? You can read all about how my new weekly feature came to be here.
Kate is one of my favorite bloggers – and one of the first people I clicked with when I started blogging. She’s crafty, funny, HONEST (as you’ll see in this post), and my favorite domestic diva. Oh, and she also does blog design, so if you’re in the market, please check her out!

So grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy Kate’s Monster Mommy Moment!

———-

Things I’ve Never Done, Scouts Honor

I’ve never….

Gotten nine hours of sleep over a three day period because I was visiting family out of town & was up every.single.night with a teething toddler who pushed me past all my emotional & physical limits. So when my mom & I decided to go on a fun trip down to the local Target I didn’t flip out on a fellow mom for stealing my parking spot.

Been so angry that when my son accidentally head butted me in the face & busted my lip that I flipped out to the point that my husband asked me to leave the house to cool down for a bit. Been angry about one thing & then taken it out on my son because he needed something simple like more milk in his sippy cup.

Been working on my computer not paying attention to the kiddo while he was eating his breakfast in his high chair. And he never kicked it over backward & dribbled his head on the kitchen tiles. And the doctor’s nurse didn’t tell me to bring him in immediately to check for a concussion.

I’ve Never…

Fed my kid a hot pocket for supper because I was so sick of cooking for the week that I just didn’t care what he ate as long as he got something to eat.

Taken the kiddo to the park to spend some time with him & then gotten a phone call from a friend, my mom, one of my sisters or brothers & then ended up talking to them the whole time while all the other moms are, you know, interacting with their kids.

Put my son in front of the TV to watch PBS cartoons in the morning just so I could sleep for a few more hours minutes on the couch only to wake up to an open door to the backyard with him in his pajamas in his sandbox.

All jokes aside, being a parent is hard. There were so many things I swore I wouldn’t do & so many things I swore I would do before I became a parent. Yeah, I’ve broken well over half of all my “rules” just because some days I’m doing my best to keep my head above water. That’s just the way it goes in this whole parenting world.

I can list several things that my parents did that I would consider their “Monster Moments” and you know what? I’m not a criminal and I don’t hate them. I actually consider them my friends. So, I’m hoping that with a bit of luck, sweat, determination & a whole lot of prayer it will work out the same way for my kids & me.

———-
And now you see why I love my friend Kate. Super honest, not afraid to share the not-so-fun parts of mommyhood, funny, and relatable – you know you’ve done one of the things she’s mentioned yourself!

Thank you Kate, for reminding us that we are all sharing the same experiences and that we’re all in this together and that we can learn from each other’s mistakes experiences.

Now go swing by Mommy Monologues and say hello to Kate, and if you’re new there make sure to tell her that I sent you. I know you’ll really enjoy her blog!

And so it goes…

Comments

  1. Hello! I'm Kate. says:
    Thank you Natalie for the awesome feature idea, I've enjoyed reading the other "Mommy Monster Moments" posts. I think it's a wonderful resource for all parents to see that we all mess up, but that doesn't mean we aren't great at raising our children! I'm glad to be added to the group!
  2. I have never done any of these things either...

    I agree that Kate is great and everyone should go and check out her blog if they haven't already.
  3. JDaniel4's Mom says:
    I have done some of these things too.
  4. Sluiter Nation says:
    PBS is the best babysitter ever.

    what?

    Yeah, I said it :)
  5. It's funny the things we think we'll never do...and then we have kids and are proven oh-so wrong!
  6. MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) says:
    I love Kate! And I'm pretty sure you're the one who introduced me to her...thanks!

    And thanks for the Monster Mommy posts...you're right, we're definitely not alone in our occasional mommy-induced craziness! :) :)
  7. Courtney K. says:
    Such a great post! We've ALL had those moments...and the hot pocket one rings true to the core for me. There are just some days when I don't care WHAT anyone eats just so long as I don't have to cook. And I'm so guilty of snapping at my innocent child for no reason. Parenting isn't easy, but at least we are all in it together, right?
  8. Mama Insomnia says:
    Um if I didn't have the Fresh Beat Band to babysit everyday I would get NOTHING done. Great post Kate!!
  9. This is so funny! Costco has raised the bar on my "hot pocket moments" though :) They have this quinoa/rice packet thing that cooks in the microwave in 90 seconds. My husband is all: "How did you figure out how to make something like this?" and I run to cover the package in the garbage with some paper towels...
  10. This is why I ADORE Kate. ADORE. If I had a penny for all the 'I never's' that I turned into 'omg, guess what I did' I'd be a well dressed mom.
  11. Oh, I love Kate! I haven't visited her enough lately, but she's so cute and honest.

    Makes us all feel normal, Natalie....thank you for that! And Hot Pockets most certainly count as a meal.
  12. @Hello! I'm Kate.

    I love your "I Never" approach, and I still love your Target parking lot spot story!
  13. THis is a great post! Being a mama brings out the best...and sometimes the worst in us...I blame it on the sleep deprivation and lack of adult conversation. LOL!! I love your perspective!!
  14. MamaTrack says:
    This was great--I can definitely identify. Thanks for making me laugh after a rough evening!
  15. Kimberly says:
    I can't even count the one hundred bazillion things I said I'd never do with my son...and yup, I'm doing them :)
  16. Definitely can identify for sure!!!! thank you for sharing and making us feel better about having "a moment"!
  17. Wow! I've never blown up at someone for stealing my parking spot, either. See, we're totally perfect. :)
    I love me some Kate.
  18. MommaKiss says:
    this is the best, seriously. love ya kate, and you too nat!
  19. The Flying Chalupa says:
    I love the way Kate set this post up - very creative! And honestly, taking my son to the park is the ONLY way I can get a decent phone conversation in. We are all just trying to keep our heads above water, huh? Great job.
  20. Leighann says:
    Ahhhh you make me feel normal.
    Great post
  21. I get through many a afternoons thanks to PBS!

    As far as the other stuff, I've been there too.
  22. Allyson & Jere says:
    What? How did I miss Kates post. Kate is the one and only person I've ever guest posted on (until mine shows up on yours of course).

    LOVE this post, every situation is way to true, and has pretty much happened to me. Well, minus the kid falling over in their highchair part. This made me feel so much better about myself and parenting. To know we all "suck" sometimes. But, we love our kids, and that's what really matters.
  23. This is great! Glad to know I'm not alone and more so, that 'm not a failure just because I have weak moments. Thanks for sharing!

Monster Mommy Moment – Katie Style

 MommyofaMonster
Today, I am so excited to have one of my blogging friends (and one of my BlogHer roommates in August!) here: Katie from Sluiter Nation, who is sharing a Monster Mommy Moment with us!
No idea what a Monster Mommy Moment is? You can read all about how my new weekly feature came to be here.
Katie is somebody I would be friends with in real life – she is “real”. She’s smart, articulate, funny as all get out, and she can write – which may be just a few of the many reasons that I like her so much. She was also one of my first blogging friends. And I really, REALLY cannot wait to meet her at BlogHer in August!

So grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy Katie’s Monster Mommy Moment!

———-

I can’t pinpoint my worst mommy moment. I have been wracking my brain to choose one, but I realize that my moments? Happen in my head. And I wonder if that is worse.

I haven’t left my toddler outside or dropped him under an airplane seat, but I have been a monster in a less than public way.

You see, I have that ultimate mommy monster: postpartum depression.

Eddie was a colicky baby. Colic is a nice way of saying my baby was possessed by evil for three months of his life.

Three hours a day of non-stop screaming plus the regular crying during the rest of the day is enough to put almost anyone over the edge—just ask my husband.

But being alone with a screaming baby after the hubs had to go back to work? And throw in a healthy dose of postpartum depression and anxiety?

You get yourself one drooling, snorting mommy monster.

My hubs very first day back to work, he got up and fed and changed out little month old son. He gently brought him to bed with me. We slept there for a total of one more hour.

By 8:00am he was crying.

Nothing would sooth him.

I rocked, I bounced, I tried diaper changes, I tried feeding.

Nothing but screams.

I called the nurse.

I called my husband.

No one could do anything for me.

I was bawling. My son was screaming.

I finally put him in his crib and sat on the back deck and bawled.

This is not a unique story; I know that.

But even after my ppd was diagnosed and Eddie wasn’t colicky anymore, his crying still triggered things in my brain.

His crying means I am going to shut down.

This semester my husband is gone three nights a week taking classes. That means I am alone with Eddie.

This terrified me.

With the hubs around, I always had backup. If bedtime doesn’t go well, he swoops in and takes care of it while I breathe.

That is not an option now.

And not long after his night classes started, we had a bad bedtime.

I put Eddie in his crib and he started to cry. He did not want it to be bedtime yet.

So I tried to rock him. He threw his pipey and his lamby to the floor.

He did not want to be rocked.

He squirmed and wiggled. He wanted to get down and play.

I tried to calmly tell him it was bedtime and we weren’t going to play anymore.

He started hitting.

So I plunked him back in his crib and left his room.

I could feel that old feeling creeping up inside my chest. The feeling of wanting to make him feel better and throw him out a window at the same time.

Tears started rolling down my face. I could not do this. I needed my husband. I am unable to do this when I am alone. I need backup.

I was a mess. And my son was screaming so hard he sounded like he could throw up.

But I couldn’t go in there. I couldn’t deal with it.

So I didn’t. I let him continue until he is gasping.

Finally, I wiped my tears and went into the nursery. He was reaching desperately for me while trying to catch his breath. His whole body shook as he struggled against crying.

We rocked and rocked.

He did NOT want to go to bed, but I didn’t give in this time. I couldn’t give in. There was no back up. So I just held him tighter.

Soon the crying stopped, but his breath was still catching.

We kept rocking.

Soon he was completely asleep.

I lowered him into his crib apologizing profusely for my huge mom fail. Telling I love him so very much.

I worry about those moments. When I can’t go to him because my brain won’t let me.

What am I doing to him? Am I telling him he can’t trust me?

———-

And now you see why I love me some Katie. Honest, open, and relatable.

Thank you my friend, for reminding us that we are all sharing the same experiences and that we’re all in this together and that we can learn from each other’s mistakes experiences.

Now go swing by Sluiter Nation and say hello to Katie, and if you’re new there make sure to tell her that I sent you. I know you’ll really enjoy her blog!

And so it goes…

Comments

  1. Oh, Katie! I'm so sorry you feel this way. And you are so right - certain situations can totally trigger those memories and feelings, and they just come rushing back!
  2. I was colicky too. There were moments my dad wanted to throw me out the window and times my mom wanted to leave and never come back.

    I have never doubted for one moment that they love my implicitly. I trust them completely.
  3. None of my babies were colicky, but they STILL drove me to the edge. I hear you.

    And - the fact that you are willing to share your thoughts so candidly about the matter - makes you an OUTSTANDING mom, in my humble opinion.
  4. Elena @NaynaDub says:
    I get it on how hard it is dealing with a colicky, fussy baby. I was really lucky with my 1st son - barely ever cried. Then my 2nd son - a totally different story. NOTHING soothed him. I remember once wishing that he was more like his brother and I questioned why I had a 2nd child. I felt so awful & guilty for having those feelings.
  5. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:
    Oh that edge...been there so many times. Thanks for sharing!
  6. Oh Katie, how this post pulled at my heartstrings. I have so been there myself. Their endless screams and nothing you do makes them happy. I know that feeling of wanting to throw them out a window but at the same time wanting to soothe them.

    I've had to take plenty of moments away from my kids...even when that meant leaving them in their cribs screaming like no one's business...to gather my thoughts and calm down. During those times I'd worry that they wouldn't form a strong bond with me or that I was creating future serial killers.

    Good for you on opening up and sharing your experience! Sometimes, just pouring it out and knowing others can relate is a very comforting feeling.
  7. For 2 months my son wouldn't stop crying unless I would hold or feed him. Having another child in the house I just couldn't hold and feed all the time.

    His crying definitely brought me to tears many times. I don't know why he was like this and I feel guilty for not knowing. I have learned that our babies seem to love us unconditionally
  8. Sluiter Nation says:
    Thank you all for coming and reading about my "monster" moments. I had an VERY hard time taking on the role of mother and for the first 9 months I felt more monster than mommy most of the time.

    Thank you to Nat (ROOMIE!!!) for giving me this safe opportunity to share my struggles with you all.

    Big hugs and kisses!
  9. I think those moments when you choose to step back and just let him cry- are strong moments. B/c you know going in won't help. And a little bit of crying won't hurt them.
  10. I can remember letting my daughter scream. Needing to walk away.
    Because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn't.
    Being on the edge is a scary place.
    Sometimes walking away is the best option.
  11. Katie, we have been there. Well I have. I needed to just get away from my baby. And cry. And then when I had a toddler and a newborn? Forgetaboutit I was a hot mess. A hormone casserole (as Caliope recently said on Grey's). Thing is? You love that little boy. You love him. You're not failing him.
  12. I love your honesty and brilliance Katie.
    I know this struggle.
  13. I love the bravery and honesty in this post, Katie.

    Matthew had horrible acid reflux that went undiagnosed for 5 months. He truly never stopped crying and it pushed me to some pretty dark places.

    There were times that I retreated into myself and felt that I let him down. But, I tell myself that the times that I *am* there far exceed the few that I wasn't. And the same goes for you. Eddie will remember the times that he needed you and you were right there. I promise.

    Much love to you.
  14. JDaniel4's Mom says:
    I remember putting JDaniel in his crib upset. I was upset to and needed to calm down and say a quick prayer.
  15. Oh Katie! My second was colicky, possessed by evil for the first 3 months is a perfect way to describe it. I have those panic moments too. I can't let my second CIO, even tho I could with my first. It just brings back the memories of the helplessness.
  16. Funky Mama Bird says:
    Katie, I have been in this situation. To this day, when I hear the baby cry, I feel adrenaline rush down my arms and legs, like my body goes into flight or fight. My husband (former social worker) thinks I actually have a form of PTSD from the baby crying and being alone with him and the PPD.
    I, too, dread being home alone in the evenings in case of crying. It totally and completely sucks and I have no advice at all, just commiseration and empathy.

    Also? My husband is at a board meeting tonight and won't be home until after 10. I'm sitting rigid at my kitchen table typing this after going through the bed time battle and sobbing due to a dropped lovey already. Good times.
  17. My son was colicky too...for the first 12 weeks...and I spiraled into a really bad place. It took me years to get adjusted to motherhood. Years.

    hang in there, girl. This, too, shall pass. I promise.
  18. Oh Katie, this is so honest and open, just like your posts always are. I think just the simple fact that you not only recognize these feelings and can admit to them makes you so NOT a Monster Mommy. I, too, cannot wait to plant a huge hug on you at BlogHer! Much love to you...
  19. The Empress says:
    Oh, you are just being honest.

    Everyone has a day like this, and DAYS like this.

    And if they say they don't, they are LYING.
  20. Oh girl...feeling that way sucks. I hate it when I feel like I'm going to lose it...like I can't control even myself; it starts creeping up and there is nothing you can do to stop it. And it sucks. But just know that no mama is perfect and your little guy loves you no matter what. Thanks for sharing with all of us.
  21. KristeenieB says:
    My son was colicky too and now he is a toddler (and I don't do toddlers) and trust me there are some days that I feel the same way. I love him so much it makes my heart almost explode but I shut down when he starts to throw a fit. I feel your pain!
  22. From Tracie says:
    Walking in that other room and calming yourself down....that can be the most responsible, loving thing a mother can do sometimes. It is important to know your limits and gain your composure.

    He knows that you love him. He knows that you came and picked him up and kissed and rocked him until he was calm enough to sleep.
  23. Kimberly says:
    Katie, I love you. I've had these moments too where you gel utterly helpless and then those thoughts of being a bad mother slowly creep in. I'm mad that PPD held you captive but so so so proud of you for getting help and being such an inspiration to so many women...myself included.
  24. Elaine A. says:
    It's this push and pull of trying to figure out what the right thing is to do in those moments (for the kids and us!). I think you handled it really well. I've lived VERY similar moments myself dear. Thanks for your honesty. hugs.
  25. WTH am I Doing? says:
    I think you are showing him that he can trust you. He can trust you to know your limits. He can trust you to walk away when it's becoming too much rather than give him less of you than he deserves. And he can trust you to come back when you're ready to manage the situation. This? Is a much better lesson in trust than showing him mommy going off the rails. :) It takes a lot of strength to walk away. It really does.
  26. I had one of these moments today!! I felt like a terrible mother, but the whining and crying was just TOO much. I had already tried everything. It's awful, but FINALLY my son calmed down and then it was as if it had never happened. Of course, I won't soon forget.