Monster Mommy Moment – Allyson Style

Today, I am so excited because I have one of my favorite funny bloggers here…seriously, I’m talking laugh-out-loud-no-holds-barred funny. Allyson from The MVP’s of Mesa Town, is sharing a Monster Mommy Moment with us!
No idea what a Monster Mommy Moment is? You can read all about how my new weekly feature came to be here.
Allyson and I became pretty much instant friends waaaayyy back when, after she read about how ‘Anonymous’ left me my first negative comment about Tater’s cussing habit. Allyson could also relate, and sent me a bunch of links to some hilarious cussing incidents that her daughter had. Ever since then, we’ve been buds – even though I don’t visit her nearly as often as I should (still love you though Allyson!)

So grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy Allyson’s Monster Mommy Moment!

My Place is Secured
Alright, here’s the deal. I’m thrilled to be here at Natalie’s place offering up my Monster Mommy Moment. I REALLY am. And I could TOTALLY write about how yesterday I completely deserved Mother of the Year or WORST Mother of the Year awards for the way I refused to get out of bed, and kept yelling at my kids to leave me alone, and to go and play, because I was too tired. Not THEIR fault that I stayed up until 2 a.m. recovering a lampshade. Not their fault that Daddy was out of town and it was just me and them. BUT, I went rogue and super selfish and for the first time ever just refused to get up and deal. Well, that’s not completely true. I DID turn the TV on for them, and I DID change Max’s poopy diaper, because Maggie was SO offended by the smell she wouldn’t leave me alone. So see, there was something good I did. BUT, I’m not here to talk about that total failure. I am here to share a funny story from about a year ago that involves my daughter Maggie.
‘Tis NO secret around here that we have a bit of a swearing problem. I believe I’ve made that abundantly clear. I’ve even been rather forthcoming about my toddlers swearing problem as a result. And by problem, I mean, she liked to say dammit, A LOT.
Well, I feel it safe to say that the “dammit” situation of 2009/10 has been put to rest. Placed under control, if you will. Maggie has not let nary a D word fly in quite some time. She has questioned, and or reminded me that dangit and darnit are appropriate alternative words. In fact, just this afternoon, you can imagine my shock and dismay when THIS situation took place.
There we were, driving through the Costco parking lot, heading for gas. Maggie had her receipt (she really loves to get smiley faces on them, and then carry them with her forever and always) firmly in hand and was talking and wrestling with the paper. She starts saying “dangit, oh dangit.” “Mom, it’s ok if we say dangit, right?” I assured her that was a great word to use. So, I hear, “dangit, dangit, oh dangit, DANGIT….What…the…HELL?” Yeah, Houston we have a problem. I will not lie when I say, it took EVERYTHING in me to control the loud laughter welling within me. I mean really, 2 year old, expressing frustration, funny. BUT, I held it together and I said…”Maggie, that is NOT a word that is ok to use. That is a garbage word, and you may not ever say that again.” To which she replied….
“Well Mommy, how come YOU can say what the hell?”
Really? REALLY? WHAT am I s’posed to say to that? Well Maggie, that would be because your Mommy is a heathen sinner and she’s co-piloting the bus down to hell with your Daddy. Or…well Maggie, JUST BECAUSE, I CAN! No, what I attempted to say was…”I’m really sorry that I’ve said that word Maggie, and I won’t be saying it anymore. It’s not a word that we should be using. BUT, sometimes, grownups CAN say things that little kids can’t.” Then I assured her once again that I would no longer say that, and that she also would no longer use such words. And you want to know what is the most disturbing and embarrassing part of this situation? She TRULY got those two words from me. NOT her foul/potty mouthed father. She spends 98% of her time with me, and he has for the most part worked to keep his swearing around her under control. So, this is squarely MY fault. Soooo humiliating! MOM FAIL!!
My chastisement is complete, I am humbled. Look out world, the use of flippin, fetchin, scriddly dee is making a comeback at the VP’s!
I’m scared!
How does someone this “angelic” looking have SUCH a streak of naughty and sassy? I ask you! Have I mentioned that she’s mean too? OH, AND…..she called me stupid the other day. Yeah, that did NOT go over well with Daddy. She had some serious consequences for that. But, WHERE did that come from? We don’t say that word around her ever. OY!!!
Hell and highwater,
Post Script: I’m pleased to report that Max has NEVER uttered a swear. And Maggie has not busted out a dammit, what the hell or otherwise (well minus a random shit shouting) in a VERY long time. So hooray, I’m finally doing something right. HA!
Fitting that Allyson decided to tell another cussing story, huh? And don’t worry Allyson…we have that same cussing issue here too – I’ve got a mouth that would make a sailor blush. And now you all see why I love my friend Allyson. She’s super honest, and not afraid to share thoughts and feelings that many of us experience, but are too embarrassed/ashamed to admit. She’s not afraid to put herself out there in a less-than-perfect light – and that’s why I think she’s so fabulous!
Thank you Allyson, for reminding us that we are all sharing the same experiences and that we’re all in this together and that we can learn from each other’s mistakes experiences.
Now go swing by The MVP’s of Mesa Town and say hello to Allyson, and if you’re new there make sure to tell her that I sent you. I know you’ll really enjoy her blog!
Also, I know that you won’t believe me, but I found sippy cups THAT DON’T LEAK! Head on over to This Blogger Makes Fun of Stuff to see my review and find out which cups actually work.
And so it goes…


  1. Allyson & Jere says:
    Thanks Natalie for giving me the opportunity. It's been fun to read everyone elses Monster Mommy Moments. And I won't lie, it has all made me feel MUCH better about things.
  2. I love Allyson too! I'm totally with you, it's so hard not to bust up laughing and when my kids repeat something back that I've said I know they've heard it from me.
  3. I'm sooooo gonna check her blog out. She sounds right up my alley!

    I tend to curse like a sailor too, even though I'm trying to work on it. One of my favorite bloggers, Kimberly, uses the word "facken" so I've been trying to use that more. But my kids are way too smart...Cole heard me say it one day and he goes, "Mommy, that sounds a lot like the word f****n".
  4. I'm truly afraid what my kids will say when they start speaking. I distinctly remember being impressed upon meeting my then-three year old brother-in-law. My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I walked in the door & a gust of wind blew over a tower of blocks he was building.

    After a beat (I have no idea if this is a kid who is going to bust out crying or laughing or what), he looks at the mess, says "fucking blocks" and then gets to work rebuilding the tower.

    I sometimes worry that my sister-in-law has a huge amount of influence over him...she is a kindergarten teacher who "turns off the potty mouth" while at work, meaning it runs non-stop when she's home.

    Then again, I have no "daddy face," so I'm pretty sure I'd just bust out laughing if I am the parent of two sailor-mouthed toddlers.
  5. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:
    Love this! We have dirty sailor mouths around here. I try to be good around the kids, but sometimes they just fly out of mouth!
  6. Heather H says:
    Cute and totally coming to my house soon. I have mostly tamed my potty mouth, but hubby cusses a lot, loves to talk on speakerphone to his BFF who can't go three words without an F, S or D, and his favorite word ever is "ass." Totally waiting to hear that one fly from the 3 year old.

    Natalie, did you realize you called Allyson "your friend Helen" towards the end? Cracking. Me. Up.
  7. Allyson & Jere says:
    @Heather H
    I TOTALLY noticed that she called me Helen at the end. I kindly let it pass. hahahahaha
  8. Love love love the honesty of this (part of what makes Monster Moments so great).

    We come here to realize we aren't alone.

    There's no such thing as a perfect parent. All we can do is try our best.

    And sometimes? We will f'ing fail ;-)
  9. Michelle Steiner says:
    Don't forget to add "son of a biscuit eater" to your vocabulary, this one works great, even at work! LMAO. I can only imagine what my grandson will be like when he starts talking, and he isn't even born yet!
  10. The Empress says:
    Oh, yes.

    I remember the first time Frack slipped out of the little guys mouth..
  11. Boy can I relate.. My sweet angelic 5 year old's favorite phrases at the moment are "What the hell?" and also "that pisses me off." And she ALWAYS outs me as the person she heard them from.
  12. Your new design looks great Natalie - very fresh and fun. I think it suits you and the things you write about! Love it!!
  13. I'm in love, dammit! I'll visit this cursin' kid's mother soon.
  14. This is hillarious. I had a friend whose daughter would complete the sentence "What the..." with the f-bomb. It cracked me up but needless to say they were not impressed. My angelic daughter has not used curse words in context yet, but she used to sit at the kitchen table and sing-song, "Dammit". She also learned to say "shit" at a very early age, but luckily people thought she was saying "chip". My approach is that she knows that there are words some people find offensive and in certain situations they will get her in trouble. Not in the house unless she is using words to be mean. I am teaching her that words in and of themselves are not "bad", just the way we use them. We'll see how that works!