Mommy Moment – SurferWife Style

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome SurferWife from A Day In The Life of a SurferWife!

A Day in the Life of a SurferWife

To say that I adore SurferWife is a complete and total understatement. She’s a mom of 2, hilarious, totally real, sexy smart and she’s someone I consider a friend in real life. She also knows a thing or two about social media and helps businesses build their brands at Sunset Social Media Relations. She also let me share a couple of guest posts on her blog about the time I met adult film star Ron Jeremy….not exactly the kind of stuff I normally share here. In short, she’s awesome and I love her.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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My precious, little, filthy pigeon

When I was asked by the lovely founder of Mommy of a Monster and twin daughters to write about a Mom Moment, I hesitated.  I’m not your typical ‘Mom Blogger’ and don’t often write about my kids.  Unless it’s to exploit them on the interwebs because of something ridiculously funny they have done.  Don’t worry.  For every emotionally scarring post I publish about my darling wallet rapers, I put $5 in their ‘Future Therapy Bills’ jar I keep on my bedside.  Let’s be real, that one has more saved in it than their college funds.

Speaking of needing therapy, I decided to lay my own self down on a couch and start babbling incessantly into the open abyss in front of me.  Why do I feel it’s ok to make fun of my beautiful, little darlings in front of the 2 readers that actually read SurferWife.com?  What did these innocent and wonderful creatures ever do but bring me immense joy?

*Insert one of those creeper spinning images here that sitcoms play to represent going back in time.*

March 5, 2002.  I was a wee 24 year old gal, unmarried and naive, counting the hours before popping out a little human being that was created inside my body.  I had ONE friend who had  given birth but she totally didn’t count because she was a mess and it just didn’t count, ok?  In other words, I felt like the pioneer of child birthing amongst my friends.  I had ZERO idea how my life of freedom, partying and care free attitudes would come to a screeching halt when this screeching, little man arrived.

I thought it was going to be all giggles, baby powder farts and cute, little polo onesies.  Nothing scary, bad or gross would happen.  Motherhood was about as easy as beer bonging 4 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Once you practiced a little, it’d become second nature.  No surprises, no gagging, lots of cheers from the crowds around me.

March 5, 2002 at 9:13am–  My sweet and tiny first born, Jason was welcomed to this world.  He cried, I cried.  It was love at first sight.

I WOULD NEVER EXPLOIT THIS CHILD ON THE INTERNETS.  NO SIREE BOB.

March 5, 2002 at 9:14am — Some dumbshit had my precious baby boy over and up above my left shoulder.  Naked.  And the child shit on my shoulder.  Like some filthy pigeon.  One minute on this earth and the kid has put his feces ON MY SHOULDER.

It was that first Moment of being a Mom that I staunchly decided that I would get  even with this pooping little man.  I WOULD CREATE A BLOG THAT HAD VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH MY CHILDREN BUT I WOULD EMBARRASS THEM AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.

Unfortunately for me, Jason is a typical 10 year old boy and just adores this story.  I think he sometimes wishes he could poop on my shoulder now.  Unfortunately for him, I have had so many Mom Moments by now that it wouldn’t really phase me.  But in that first moment of being a mom?  He left an everlasting (and disgusting) impression.

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Yeah…all the things nobody mentions is shocking at first isn’t it? Now, poop, boogers, and other bodily fluids are just par for the course. We seriously need to put together a “real” book about motherhood and sell it to teenagers.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to A Day In The Life of a SurferWife and say hello to SurferWife. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @SurferWife there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

If you are a So Cal Mama, make sure to check out the OCSaverTime widget in my sidebar for deals throughout Orange County!

Comments

  1. Yes, he totally wishes he could poop on your shoulder fo sho'. All boys. gigi recently posted..Celebrating Achievements: Not All Are Created EqualMy Profile
  2. What is it with boys and poop and farts and belches?!?!? Drives me nuts :P Stephanie recently posted..Sister BootsMy Profile
  3. I remember you telling that story to me over Margaritas in my backyard, years and years ago before I had kids. That's when I knew to tell my OB to put my kids in diapers before setting on top of me in the delivery room. LOL Tracy recently posted..Oh, How Pinteresting Wednesday: Slainte!My Profile
  4. i think it is our God given right to immortalize the poop stories, after all they can't remember and we are forced to live with the moment and memory lol!! eschelle recently posted..Go the F to sleep...My Profile
  5. Ha. I have a ten year old son who loves to talk about poop and farting. That's how I get him to smile in pictures. I just shout, "Poop!" and he laughs. Amber recently posted..A Whole HandMy Profile
  6. Shit, girl. Oh, wait. Love this! And love me some SurferWife. I owe you a vlog. I have not forgotten!
  7. You can always count on Surferwife to tell you a heartwarming poop story. I love it! Amanda Austin recently posted..T-R-O-U-B-L-EMy Profile
  8. Oh man, poop on the shoulder.....it's funny because it's not me! Twingle Mommy recently posted..50/50 MarriageMy Profile
  9. I think if I could stop picturing the poop running down your shoulder I may be able to stop laughing...
  10. Poop on the shoulder. Priceless. Denise recently posted..Stress is no funMy Profile
  11. If that isn't the poster moment for how unglamorous motherhood is. HA! Megan recently posted..Because he’s superMy Profile
  12. It's the stories that get me through to the next day! Now I need to find a few mom bloggers who have teens before I go insane.... Jackie recently posted..Random Thoughts for WednesdayMy Profile
  13. That's a superb story right there!! Yeah... parenting is nothing like beer bonging. I should know. I can beer bong like a boss. Carri recently posted..How Pinterest Made My St. Paddy’s Day AwesomeMy Profile
  14. ROFL. We used to have conversations with Jake where he reesfud to belive that cowboys rode horses... they ride cows don'tcha know? COW boys. Duh.

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  1. [...] it comes to nurturing our offspring.  When these magnificent little beings give us one of those Mommy Moments that make us want to fly first class to Jamaica and hide behind a mojito and a steel [...]