Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be. Today, I’m so excited to welcome Melissa from Confessions of a Dr. Mom!
Melissa is a mom of 2, a wife, a writer and blogger and a doctor. I can’t even keep the kids and house clean working part time – I have NO idea how she does it as a full-time doctor! She and I started blogging around the same time, and she’s been a good friend since. I’m glad to know her.
Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!
Growing Pains of the Heart
He was so sad.
His two year old self, completely engulfed by the grief, the confusion…the sadness.
I, as a new mom of two, was just barely surviving.
Exhausted. Completely swallowed by it.
I did not see him.
All I could see was a newborn who needed me.
Breastfeeding, pumping, preparing bottles, diaper changes, and sleeping in 3 hour increments….why couldn’t my two year old, newly crowned Big Brother see that?
No, I cannot play trains. No, your request for a third snack in the last 15 minutes cannot be granted. And, no you may not throw that ball at baby sister’s head.
I banish him to the other room. Unable to deal. Unable to muster up empathy or understanding.
Then I hear it. The sobs that have overtaken his little body. Screaming, crying…complete sadness.
I’m frozen in the next room. Holding my new baby girl.
My heart is breaking.
I gently lay baby girl in her pink bouncy seat. She’s fussing, but I must go I explain after a quick kiss on her head.
I re-enter Big Brother’s world. Tears are already pouring down my own face.
His body is shaking. I gently turn him towards me, get down on my knees, and look him directly in the eyes.
I’m so sorry. This is hard, isn’t it?
He nods, relieved, it seems, to know that I understand a little.
He’s having a hard time settling down. Sobs are still rattling through my baby boy’s body.
My baby boy.
The same baby boy whose body, just a short 4 weeks ago, I’d still cradle in my arms at bedtime and gently rock him to sleep.
Now, not only does rocking him before bedtime seem like a luxury, he’s so incredibly ginormous in comparison to his new baby sister.
His new baby sister who has now taken up residence in my arms.
I start crying a little harder and hug him. I wrap these arms of mine around him. It’s all I can do.
Go ahead and let it out baby boy. And it’s like I’m giving permission to both of us. To grieve. To mourn the loss of our former selves. He’s no longer my baby.
And yet, he always will be.
But now I have two.
And it’s during this transition from one baby to two that our hearts grow and the love doubles.
It’s glorious. A blessing.
But it hurts.
Growing pains of the heart.
This one made me cry – because the same thing happened when Ethan realized that two little people just turned his world upside down and took me away from him. It’s a hard transition, and if it’s hard for us, how can we NOT expect it to be hard for children? And Melissa explained in an email to me that this moment hurt her heart, as it did mine and I’m sure many of yours.
There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other. Now head over to Confessions of a Dr. Mom and say hello to Melissa. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @Melissa_DrMom there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!
Congratulations to @MommaKiss! You won a copy of Scary Mommy’s new book Confessions of A Scary Mommy!