Mommy Moment – Melissa Style

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be. Today, I’m so excited to welcome Melissa from Confessions of a Dr. Mom!


Melissa is a mom of 2, a wife, a writer and blogger and a doctor. I can’t even keep the kids and house clean working part time – I have NO idea how she does it as a full-time doctor! She and I started blogging around the same time, and she’s been a good friend since. I’m glad to know her.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

———-

Growing Pains of the Heart

He was so sad.

His two year old self, completely engulfed by the grief, the confusion…the sadness.

I, as a new mom of two, was just barely surviving.

Exhausted. Completely swallowed by it.

I did not see him.

All I could see was a newborn who needed me.

Breastfeeding, pumping, preparing bottles, diaper changes, and sleeping in 3 hour increments….why couldn’t my two year old, newly crowned Big Brother see that?

No, I cannot play trains. No, your request for a third snack in the last 15 minutes cannot be granted. And, no you may not throw that ball at baby sister’s head.

No.

I banish him to the other room. Unable to deal. Unable to muster up empathy or understanding.

Then I hear it. The sobs that have overtaken his little body. Screaming, crying…complete sadness.

I’m frozen in the next room. Holding my new baby girl.

My heart is breaking.

I gently lay baby girl in her pink bouncy seat. She’s fussing, but I must go I explain after a quick kiss on her head.

I re-enter Big Brother’s world. Tears are already pouring down my own face.

His body is shaking. I gently turn him towards me, get down on my knees, and look him directly in the eyes.

I’m so sorry. This is hard, isn’t it?

He nods, relieved, it seems, to know that I understand a little.

He’s having a hard time settling down. Sobs are still rattling through my baby boy’s body.

My baby boy.

The same baby boy whose body, just a short 4 weeks ago, I’d still cradle in my arms at bedtime and gently rock him to sleep.

Now, not only does rocking him before bedtime seem like a luxury, he’s so incredibly ginormous in comparison to his new baby sister.

His new baby sister who has now taken up residence in my arms.

My arms.

I start crying a little harder and hug him. I wrap these arms of mine around him. It’s all I can do.

Go ahead and let it out baby boy. And it’s like I’m giving permission to both of us. To grieve. To mourn the loss of our former selves. He’s no longer my baby.

And yet, he always will be.

But now I have two.

And it’s during this transition from one baby to two that our hearts grow and the love doubles.

It’s glorious.  A blessing.

But it hurts.

Growing pains of the heart.

———-

This one made me cry – because the same thing happened when Ethan realized that two little people just turned his world upside down and took me away from him. It’s a hard transition, and if it’s hard for us, how can we NOT expect it to be hard for children? And Melissa explained in an email to me that this moment hurt her heart, as it did mine and I’m sure many of yours.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other. Now head over to Confessions of a Dr. Mom and say hello to Melissa. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @Melissa_DrMom there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Congratulations to @MommaKiss! You won a copy of Scary Mommy’s new book Confessions of A Scary Mommy!

Comments

  1. Wow, that was powerful. Tears streaming down my face because I've had that moment several times. Thanks for introducing me to a new blogger to follow! Off to read her blog now. Delilah recently posted..Dinner for DollarsMy Profile
  2. Thank you so much for having me Natalie! I've been waiting to share this moment. The time and your place were that perfect time! XO Melissa recently posted..Time for teens: boys, puberty, and breastsMy Profile
  3. Oh this is great!! I can't believe I am crying in the school's student lab, but I can't help myself. I also went through this when my son was born and all of the sudden my princess wasn't the baby anymore. Thank you so much for this. Now I see that it didn't just happened to me.
  4. Oh man that got tears in my eyes. I've been there too with my oldest. She was less than impressed that two little baby invaders took her mommy from her. Reading this post brought those moments right back. Twingle Mommy recently posted..Babadoo Designs-Personalized Stationary GiveawayMy Profile
  5. I didn't think this would have a big impact on me since my kids are now 6 and 10, but the tears are streaming down my face. Brings me right back.
  6. Oh, Melissa! I remember those days all too clearly. The first baby seems suddenly so big, but little inside. Sherri recently posted..Motherhood: The ShowMy Profile
  7. This is beautiful, Melissa. I've felt this. I've done this. I've grown. My heart has grown.
  8. You are such a wonderful mom. You must have so wanted to be what each totally needed at the same time. JDaniel4's Mom recently posted..Muffin Tin Monday- Sneaking Carrot LunchesMy Profile
  9. So beautiful, Melissa. I love how you validated his feelings and let yourself feel as well. Truly powerful love.
  10. Yup, I've been there! I can't even count the number of times that I have to tell my daughter I can't do something right now. Something that less than six months ago would have been an absolute yes. But now, there are times that she has to wait. There are also times that my 'baby' has to wait because my first 'baby' needs me. It's hard to balance but we manage!
  11. Tears are streaming down my face. This was beautiful and hit home for me so hard. I had a similar experience with my oldest. Thanks for sharing such a touching moment. Jessica recently posted..I Was NominatedMy Profile
  12. Oh this post hurts my heart because my oldest was old enough to voice all of her frustrations and how much of a change it was for her to have babies coming into the house when she was 12. I'm not sure she has yet recovered from how much her life has changed. Jessica recently posted..My OneMy Profile
  13. Adhriene says:
    Hi Mel...this is really inspiring and as I read every line, makes me really emotional and I can't even stop crying...I can relate to you here... Adhriene recently posted..Tomira DatingMy Profile
  14. Oh I know this so well. I remember hours after my second was born how different and BIG my first ones hands felt. There was a day we were all crying together. Seeing the boys together now melts my heart, even tho it felt like they were breaking it daily at first. Yay for winning Scary Mommys book!! MommaKiss recently posted..Turn that frown updside down, bitchMy Profile
  15. Melissa, this had me crying. My daughter struggles daily with sharing me with her little brother. And I struggle along with her. Please say patience grows with our hearts. PLEASE! And Natalie, I'm so glad you featured Melissa here today. My first impression upon meeting her was that she was genuinely sweet and caring and this post perfectly exemplifies her. Well done both of you.
    • It's SO hard for our firstborns. I do think we "grow" patience too. It's survival really. And...it does get better with time, especially when your daughter realizes how fun her little brother is to play with. It will happen :-) Thank you for such kind words too...you're making me blush over here! I still remember your uber cool high heel red boots! While pregnant, no less!! :-) Melissa recently posted..On making room for two: Growing Pains of the HeartMy Profile
  16. Wow...I became a mother of 2 almost 4 months ago. Tears are streaming down my face because this is exactly how i feel. Wow
    • Oh, you are in the thick of it my dear. But you know what? I did feel like 4-5 months was the magical time when it all seemed to start flowing, everyone one was bonded and sufficiently adjusted, and we were getting some sleep! Here's hoping the growing pains are diminishing and are now able to enjoy all the love you're surrounded by :-) Melissa recently posted..On making room for two: Growing Pains of the HeartMy Profile
  17. Toniette says:
    this had me in tears- I'm about 6 weeks away from delivering my second-born, and I'm trying not to worry about how my first baby boy will handle it...
    • Someone once told me to write a letter to my firstborn. More for me than for him, so I could process some of those feelings. I think it's something we all go through and our firstborns will feel it and they will need time and understanding to adjust too. But, in the long run? Totally worth those growing pains. :-) Melissa recently posted..On making room for two: Growing Pains of the HeartMy Profile
  18. Well, I don't want to sound super judgmental because I only have one and am not in a position to judge at all. But I have thought about how my first would handle a newborn at every stage and so far he still needs me far too much. I am purposely waiting to get pregnant so my first can be my baby while he needs to be. I think I won't try for a 2nd baby until he's 3ish and showing more signs of independence.
  19. My kids are 5, 8, and 13 and I still remember this moment with my Ethan - my baby when his sister came along 22 months after him. Amazing to have that pain back immediately and then looking at them now and how they still need to be "babied" and loved like that even though they are so grown. So well written. Thanks!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] would love it if you would stop by Natalie’s place and read Growing Pains of the Heart. Here’s a little [...]
  2. [...] Making Room for Two: Growing pains of the heart – Confessions of a Dr Mom [...]