That’s right! It’s time for another Mommy Moment at the Monster! If you’re not sure what a Mommy Moment at the Monster is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.
So let’s welcome Mad Woman from A Diary of a Mad Woman! I LOVE Mad. She’s wicked funny, shockingly honest, mom to Maddy and their newest addition, Sam AKA The Dude (yes, The Dude as in The Dude from the Big Labowski). She’s a fantastic writer, and a beautiful person inside and out. And I’ve had Mad Woman over here to guest post twice…yep, I like her that much. The first time she told us about her last Christmas as a single woman and the second time she told us about her and Adonis’ engagement story.
Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!
Tell me I’m not the only one who has those.
Anyway, for me it had been one of those years. Our first born was conceived after several failed IVF cycles. When she was 10 months old we started trying to have another. We burned through our frozen eggs, went through more tests and procedures, rounds of hormone injections and then got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
It had been a rough year.
I needed to let loose.
I might need to add here that we don’t have family nearby and being first time/both working parents, we also didn’t have a network of parents and sitters to depend on. If we wanted to go out for dinner, our daughter went with us.
So off we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. While Adonis and I were seen as your everyday patron, Maddy was something else. She always had the servers flirting with her, entertaining her, making sure her cup of milk was never empty. And she milked that attention for all it was worth.
That Saturday evening was a particularly busy one down at the cantina. Our waitress took our order, including one large pitcher of margaritas, gave Maddy a pat on the head and went on to her other tables.
This lack of jokes and smiles and the usual adoration didn’t sit well with my daughter. Soon she was turning in her seat, trying to climb out, making a racket like only a newly turned two year old can.
As her performance grew more animated, I consumed more of that sweet tequila-based nectar.
The more ornery she got, the more inebriated I got. Adonis was going to have his hands full.
I’d like to tell you that I’m a quiet drunk, that I can sip my drink and silently slide beneath the booth. But I’m not. That orneriness of my daughter, yeah, that may just be an inherited trait.
Eventually Maddy realized she wasn’t going to get the attention she desired from the wait staff so she had only one alternative: her parents.
I don’t have to tell you how a 2 year old can chatter. Add that chatter to the already strung too tight and drunk me and you have my monster moment: in my inebriated state and in a not so quiet voice I turned to my darling daughter and said: Pipe down kid, your mommy is trying to get her drunk on.
Adonis still reminds me how grateful he was that he had already paid our tab when that lovely turn of phrase spewed out of my mouth.
And I’m grateful for the short attention span and poor memory of two year olds.
Thank you for sharing this Mad Woman. I actually laughed out loud at that! The stress of raising kids is sometimes too much to deal with, and alcohol can be a quick relief. And also make us say and do things we would never normally say or do. You’re not the first mom to drink too much and say something entirely inappropriate – trust me, I’m speaking from experience. They’re not proud moments, that’s for certain! Oh, and the talking two year olds? Is enough to make me drink. Throw in two of ’em and a four year old and it’s enough to make me never stop drinking!
There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.
Now head over to A Diary of a Mad Woman and if you are new there, make sure to tell her that I sent you!