Mommy Moment – Mad Woman Style

That’s right! It’s time for another Mommy Moment at the Monster! If you’re not sure what a Mommy Moment at the Monster is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

So let’s welcome Mad Woman from A Diary of a Mad Woman! I LOVE Mad. She’s wicked funny, shockingly honest, mom to Maddy and their newest addition, Sam AKA The Dude (yes, The Dude as in The Dude from the Big Labowski). She’s a fantastic writer, and a beautiful person inside and out. And I’ve had Mad Woman over here to guest post twice…yep, I like her that much. The first time she told us about her last Christmas as a single woman and the second time she told us about her and Adonis’ engagement story.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

———-

We’ve all had one of those days, the day where nothing seems to go right, everyday tasks seem harder, the slightest deviation from the normal routine is enough to send you into a tailspin.

Tell me I’m not the only one who has those.

Anyway, for me it had been one of those years. Our first born was conceived after several failed IVF cycles. When she was 10 months old we started trying to have another. We burned through our frozen eggs, went through more tests and procedures, rounds of hormone injections and then got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

It had been a rough year.

I needed to let loose.

I might need to add here that we don’t have family nearby and being first time/both working parents, we also didn’t have a network of parents and sitters to depend on. If we wanted to go out for dinner, our daughter went with us.

So off we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. While Adonis and I were seen as your everyday patron, Maddy was something else. She always had the servers flirting with her, entertaining her, making sure her cup of milk was never empty. And she milked that attention for all it was worth.

That Saturday evening was a particularly busy one down at the cantina. Our waitress took our order, including one large pitcher of margaritas, gave Maddy a pat on the head and went on to her other tables.

This lack of jokes and smiles and the usual adoration didn’t sit well with my daughter. Soon she was turning in her seat, trying to climb out, making a racket like only a newly turned two year old can.

As her performance grew more animated, I consumed more of that sweet tequila-based nectar.
The more ornery she got, the more inebriated I got. Adonis was going to have his hands full.

I’d like to tell you that I’m a quiet drunk, that I can sip my drink and silently slide beneath the booth. But I’m not. That orneriness of my daughter, yeah, that may just be an inherited trait.

Eventually Maddy realized she wasn’t going to get the attention she desired from the wait staff so she had only one alternative: her parents.

I don’t have to tell you how a 2 year old can chatter. Add that chatter to the already strung too tight and drunk me and you have my monster moment: in my inebriated state and in a not so quiet voice I turned to my darling daughter and said: Pipe down kid, your mommy is trying to get her drunk on.

Adonis still reminds me how grateful he was that he had already paid our tab when that lovely turn of phrase spewed out of my mouth.

And I’m grateful for the short attention span and poor memory of two year olds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

———-

Thank you for sharing this Mad Woman. I actually laughed out loud at that! The stress of raising kids is sometimes too much to deal with, and alcohol can be a quick relief. And also make us say and do things we would never normally say or do. You’re not the first mom to drink too much and say something entirely inappropriate – trust me, I’m speaking from experience. They’re not proud moments, that’s for certain! Oh, and the talking two year olds? Is enough to make me drink. Throw in two of ’em and a four year old and it’s enough to make me never stop drinking!

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to A Diary of a Mad Woman and if you are new there, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Comments

  1. Oh gosh, I laughed out loud. Ive been there. Luckily–she wont remember it and you can learn from it. I once told my wild child three year old that “Mama needed a drink to deal with him today.” I felt HORRIBLE after I said it.

    • Um, learn from it? As it learn not to tell my stories?
      I’m kidding. It was a gaff for sure. And yeah, I slapped my own hand over my mouth as soon as I said it.
      But that may have been to stifle my laughter.

  2. So funny, your husband definitely had his hands full but I hate when the guys get material that they can bring up over and over.

  3. Oh you, how I adore you!

  4. I remember those days well and never thought we’d live through them. I can’t wait to have grandkids because turn about is fair play! I’ll be the granny to get em’ going. Even during dinners out. LoL

  5. So funny! Although I am sure you did not feel it was the next day. There are so many days that I feel the need for a good stiff drink!!

  6. That’s a monster moment? Please! That’s just another Tuesday :) Love you!!!

  7. LOL! That is hilarious.

  8. Oh Jennifer, it was, it was. And what happened later, even funnier. You’ll have to wait and read about that one.

  9. Cracked me up!

    Well, at least you’re honest with your kid.

  10. This story is why I love you so, but that is no monster moment. This is a daily occurrence over here…except at home with wine.

    #LoveYa

  11. Oh my god, you’re hilarious and adorable and soooo funny! This post is so spot on, so true to how you feel when you’ve just had it…”mommy has to get her drunk on!!!”” I love this…and you! I know how hard it is to take a 2 yr old (twins) anywhee…good for you for being able to get out !!! Xo

  12. Oh my friend.

    I’m pretty sure that between our kids and me, my poor husband has his hands full in one way or another every single day of his life.

    I guess that means we’ve got a Monster Mommy Marriage.

    Yep. He’s a lucky man.

  13. I just love you.

  14. Oh, Mad Woman. You’re brilliant, and truly – I’ve done worse, and my kid likes to parrot my poor verbal choices, right down to the tone.

    Sigh.

  15. I said that to my kid just last night. You & me? Peas & carrots, we are.

  16. This may be my all-time favorite story from you . . . if it had happened the night after a run, it certainly would have.

    And, no, I’m not surprised at all that your daughter’s “you will not ignore me” habits mirror her mom’s. I’m really interested in watching the nature versus nurture experiment we have going . . . because my daughter is absolutely like me – no social filter at all. I mean, I’d like some sense of fear from her, around strangers, but there’s none. I’m curious if this will rub off on her over-protective kind-of twin brother, or if his “approach everyone with caution” will affect her in the least.

    I’m still waiting for “just, please, be quiet for a moment and let me enjoy this beer” to be repeated – preferably to “on-duty” clergy.

  17. Ha! All I am going to say is that I have SO been there.

  18. Oh you. I hope you can chuckle about it now, even if it is with a slight grimace on your face. Been there.

  19. Snort! That’s too funny. I mean really, kid. You’re interfering. 😉
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  20. Hey Natalie! I had another monster moment last night that I wanted to share with you: We have cats and their bowls are in the kitchen..in the Dude’s path. He has a habit of either dumping the water or walking in it.
    He is also has NO WORDS. He makes a lot of noise but no recognizable repeated sounds/words.

    So last night after I had swept up the THIRD of his messes, he walked through cat’s water. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer and bellowed a very loud DAMN IT!
    And guess what my little guy does: starts yelling Da Da! Over and over.

    We’re just going to pretend he’s calling Daddy.