Mommy Moment – Lerner Style

That’s right! It’s time for another Mommy Moment at the Monster! If you’re not sure what a Mommy Moment at the Monster is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

So let’s welcome Lerner from Stay at Home Babe! Lerner is a mom of two and a friend whom I adore. I got to meet her at BlogHer, and she’s beautiful inside and out. If you don’t know Lerner, she’s honest, says what she means and means what she says, and she LOVES to cook. And has lots of tattoos. And lives in England.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!


When Natalie invited me to guest for the Mommy Moment series, I knew that I would be in no short supply of material. I’m pretty sure that as every mother can testify, motherhood is fraught with moments of improvisation that don’t always land me in a position I can be proud of. Pretty much every week, if not every day, I make some maternal choice that makes me cringe a little.

This past Thursday was no exception.

My son has reached that amazing age–the age that allows him to walk himself to school in the morning and home in the afternoon. We live in a tiny village out in the middle of nowhere; there is virtually no traffic and one main road which leads only to the school. There are fields and playgrounds between our house and his school–it is a virtually fool-proof route and the kids all walk together.

Except last Thursday, when twenty minutes after he left for school (which should have been about the time he was taking off his coat to settle into his class for the morning), he walked back in the door of our house. What. The. Hell?!

His coat was dirty, his hands were dirty, his knees were dirty and he came home to get cleaned up and change.

Let me backtrack here and say that a week ago, I got a Facebook message from the crossing guard telling me that my son had been walking with some older boys and they had gotten to the crossing far later than she knew I would have liked and she wanted to let me know. I mentioned that it’s a really small village, right?! Okay, so I told him that he shouldn’t walk with those boys anymore if he’s going to be late.

Having already given him a good, stern talking-to about goofing around when he was supposed to be walking to school, I was pretty displeased to see him coming back in the door ten minutes before he needed to be at school.

Buddy, what the heck are you doing home?! You’ve got to be at school in ten minutes and it’s a fifteen minute walk! I cleaned him up and barely listened to his explanation and sent him back out the door with instructions to jog back to school so he wouldn’t be late and we’d talk about it later.

Do you see how nicely I wrote that last sentence? Actually, I was a complete bitch about it. I was really short with him. I asked a question and I didn’t even pretend to listen to the answer. Then told him we’d talk about it later in that tone that said I was going to have a piece of his butt for supper.

When he got home, he told me what had happened. On his way to school, the boys I had told him he couldn’t walk with anymore were coming up around the corner and so he tried to hide behind some bushes so they wouldn’t walk with him. He was rushing and so he tripped and fell in the mud.

I’ll just let that mental image sink in a bit….

Alright, now that everyone has the most pathetic image humanly possible… you can see why I felt like the world’s worst mom, right?

He was trying to do what I had asked of him (not walk to school with those boys), in a very weird but committed-to-the-cause way and landed in the mud… behind a bush. Holy cow. Then he came home to a mom who was a complete and total jerk to him. Awesome.

Please tell me that something like this has happened to you before. Have you ever jumped to conclusions, assumed the worst from your kids and then felt like an ogre?


Thank you for sharing this Lerner, and for being honest about how often us parents don’t really listen to our children. It’s hard to listen when you’re so upset and assume that your kid is in the wrong.  And I bet 99% of the moms that read this would agree.

By you sharing your thoughts on mommyhood with us, you are reminding us all that it’s a hard job, it’s challenging, and sometimes we screw up! There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to Lerner’s place Stay at Home Babe and if you are new there, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Also…can you please head over to Mommy Shorts and vote for Lila giving The Business in the Evil Baby Glare Off competition?! Thank you!


  1. Ahhhh Lerner. I love you. That is SO something I would do. When I get pissed & have NO more patience whatsoever. I do NOT let my kids talk. At.All.
  2. omg, yes. I often assume my four year old is enacting a sinister plot or is defying me in every way possible. She usually has an explanation that shows me up in its sophistication and kindness. She's better than I. great post.
  3. Awe, poor kiddo. Hope he got an extra desert that night. (LoL)
    • Just to prove what a total jerk I am, we don't really do dessert. The kids get fruit after supper, and one day when they realize that's not actual sweet dessert they might be mad that I brainwashed them. But I did let him walk to the corner store and buy a candy bar the next day. I didn't tell him it was because I felt like an a-hole, but it totally was.
  4. Aw, that sucks. I hate when we get so wrapped up in being mom that we lose sight of our kids. Happens all the time. ALL. The. Time. But the candy bar is a nice way to make up for it. Poor guy. ;)
    • I know! I totally should have just punched him in the face on his way out the door and gotten it over with. Maybe next time, I could just push him down in the dirt myself and save some time. That would be efficient!
  5. OMG I have done that more times than I care to admit. I tend to react first and listen later when it comes to parenting and I'm really trying hard to change that. I definitely jump to conclusions very quickly.
  6. I have so been there. I hate that I can jump to the wrong conclusion so easily. I am sure we have all done it more than we would like.
  7. I have bitten off Abbey's head, assuming she made Dylan cry when actually she was trying to help him. Like I tell her she should. I think it's cute that he went so far out of his way to actually hide :)
  8. Tim@sogeshirts says:
    haha poor kid but I would have jumped to the same conclusion as well. Glad he was listening.
  9. I do this way more than I like to admit to! When I am tired I jump immediately to "You did not listen to me!" and do not even attempt to listen to their side of things. And then guilt sets in :(


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