Kelly is a mom of three…including a set of boy/girl twins. So yep, we were fast friends because her twins are much older than mine and she understands what I’m going through. She’s also been a huge supporter of Mommy of a Monster, a sounding board, and she is so thoughtful. I’m glad to have met her!
So go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!
No one in my family will ever forget the childhood vacation in Maine when my parent lost my two-year-old little sister only moments after arriving. Relieved to finally be at their destination after a three-and-a-half hour car ride with two little kids (fun), my parents released us from our four-wheeled prison, began unloading the car and then lost my little sister. They found her seconds later — TWO BLOCKS AWAY — but she was safe and all was fine.
With this story planted firmly in my memory and written in permanent marker at the top of my list of “I’ll never do that when I’m a parent” anecdotes, you can imagine my surprise the first time I lost one of my children. Yes, I said first time. There have been many cases of “misplaced” children in my thirteen-plus years of parenting, and they don’t seem to be ending anytime soon. I’d blame it on having twins, but I’ve been know to lose their little brother, too, (when it’s only him and me).
The first time my two-year-old daughter, Thing 1, went missing I had sent her to her room for misbehaving during lunchtime — “Please stop throwing your PB&J at your brother.” I couldn’t find her anywhere, which conjured up visions of kidnappers at the door, a child suffocating in some hidden wardrobe, or my little barefoot baby wandering around in the snow. Add that panicky feeling to those garnered by the other two-year-old getting cranky, whiney, and begging for a nap, and well, I became a little manic. I called my mom, my husband, and eventually the police, only to find Thing 1 moments later hiding under my bed with her cuddly stuffed pig. Strike One for me. Thanks for visiting Mr. and Mrs. Police Officer.
A couple years ago, after years of store mishaps (children left behind in the toy aisle or found under clothing racks) and walking out of friend’s houses only to realize I had forgotten one or more of my children, I left my youngest at a basketball game. In my defense I realized he was missing before I started up my car, but I didn’t react quick enough because the next thing I knew, this very upset eight-year-old comes storming out of the middle school front doors yelling for all to hear, “That wasn’t very good parenting!” Thank you very much. Strike 532!
So, like all mom’s, I’ve had more than my fair-share of Monster Mommy Moments. But I am pleased to announce that now with two thirteen-year-olds and a ten-year-old those losing misplacing-my-children days are over … or so I thought.
This past Easter Sunday my family and I decided to bypass church and chill out at home collecting Easter eggs and eating chocolate. After our rare morning of tranquility, we decided to extend our calm and ventured into the woods for a fun family hike. We followed our usual trails, reveled in the beauty of the brook that flowed under the rickety bridge, took some photos of the old crumbling foundations filled with memories of the past, and then began to head home.
My husband, a virtual compass in the woods (and ONLY the woods), had the bright idea to veer off the beaten path, leading us deeper and deeper into the mysterious forest. We crawled over fallen tree limbs, and through fields of pricker bushes in search of my children’s’ favorite Big Rock. Gratefully, we all made it there intact (well almost, Thing 2 did have a few prickers in some unmentionable areas), mugged for some photos, and then, exhausted, followed the human compass home. It was the perfect family afternoon, except for one small detail —somewhere along the trek home we had lost Thing 2.
When I inquired of his whereabouts my husband informed me that Thing 2 had wanted to try another route home through the woods, and being the typical “Alpha Male” who believes any of his “alpha” traits have been passed onto his sons, he assured me that his eldest son had inherited his compass gene so he was OK. He seemed to have forgotten that his son’s compass gene relies heavily on a healthy dose of ADHD medication, and at the moment his pill was sitting in its case on the kitchen counter.
Yes, there you have it, I had once again managed to lose one of my kids (at thirteen-years-old no less), and this time I would have to call in the Wilderness Police to track him down, that is if he hadn’t been eaten by a bear, sucked up by the swamp muck or endured some other awful fate, already. Just keep the Mother of the Year Awards coming people.
Thankfully, upon realizing he was lost, Thing 2 had the wherewithal to backtrack to the path where he had last seen us and returned home fifteen minutes later, just in time to save his father from the wrath of this Monster Mommy!
So after thirteen long years and several hundred cases of misplaced children I have finally decided to take drastic measures … my children were all implanted with tracking devices last week. Now this mommy can rest soundly knowing that her three babies are all safe and sound and … what? Why is Thing 1’s device saying she is on a plane on the way to the One Direction concert in Detroit, Michigan?
Wait…I still have to worry about losing the kids when they are 13?! I am in some MAJOR trouble! This was a fun read, and I’m sure one a lot of moms will relate to!
We all take on so much as moms – it’s a tough gig! There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.
Now head over to Renaissance Mom and say hello to Kelly. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find her there, and on Facebook and Pinterest, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!