Mommy Moment – Erin Style

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome Erin from My Little Miracles! Erin is mom to two little miracle boys – she’s a cancer survivor who was told she would never have her boys. She’s also a blogger, and one of the nicest ones I’ve had the pleasure to meet in person. Her motto is “Life Happens, so Live it, no regrets.”, and I love that so much I’d tattoo it on myself!

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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It was that interrupted sleep, a nightly occurrence when you are 7 months pregnant, but this wasn’t because I had to get up and pee or eat something or because someone was kicking me.
No, this was a 15 month old who wakes in the middle of the night…to play.
Thomas has never been a good sleeper, he would go to bed at 9pm or so and about 3 or 3:30 wake up to play.  Most times he would occupy himself in his crib with his “TV” as we called it, you know those little music maker that had moving fish and lights and things to twirl and bang on and such.  Through the monitor we would hear his happy little squeels and that “TV” music that is supposed to be lulling him back to sleep.  Instead he would play for 2 hours before crying about 5 minutes and then going back to sleep.
Every now and again I would have to get up and put him in his swing in the living room while I laid on the couch and we would watch infomercials until he went back to sleep.
This night, no, this night would be different and would open into a morning of “I’m not fit to be a mother” syndrome.
He woke up on schedule about 3:30am, I heard him whimper and cry a little bit, and then the noise of the “tv”, which after months I learned to tune out and go back to sleep.  Startled awake by Thomas crying, I leaned over to turn down the monitor a little as it was common for him to cry a little before going back to sleep.  I snuggled in and got as comfortable as a 7 month pregnant woman can get and went back to sleep.  Only to wake the next morning later than normal and had not heard Thomas yet.
I rolled out of bed, literally, and staggered into his room, I opened the door and was immediately struck by this smell.
Uggh What can that possibly be? I know I emptied the diaper pail before I went to bed.  
I slowly peered into his crib so as not to disturb him if he was still sleeping, I might actually have time to sneak in a shower!
I immediately started crying, my baby, my precious little 15 month old was covered in barf.  All over his crib, all over the sheet, his blanket he loves so much, his sheets, smashed in his hair.  I immediately started crying, sobbing uncontrollably as I am leaning in to wake him up and get him out of that mess.  I changed him, cleaned him up and then his crib, sat and held him and cried all day long.  Sobbing into his little warm jammied body, just saying over and over and over “I’m so sorry baby!  Mommy is a horrible mommy and I promise to do better.”
I called my mom, my husband, my friends, told them I was not fit to be a mother, I let my poor child sleep in his puke.  Everyone responded with “Aww it’s okay, you didn’t know, it’s not like you did it on purpose.  Don’t forget you are 7 months pregnant and you have the hormones surging as well.  He’s fine right? Then don’t worry”
The worst day of. My. Life. I will never forget that.  And even though he’s almost 5 and still doesn’t sleep through the night, I learned to never NOT check on him when he would wake in the middle of the night.  Christopher was born a week later, 2 months early, I was up anyway!

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Thanks for sharing, Erin! You know they say misery loves company? Well Ethan rarely sleeps all night (he is almost five) and the girls don’t sleep either. I get where you are coming from…and have done the same thing. “Mommy Guilt” doesn’t even begin to cover that feeling!

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to My Little Miracles and say hello to Erin. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @erinsmiracles  there too, and on facebook as well. And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Love cute kids clothing, and boutique clothing for you, too? Then you MUST check out Tea’s semi-annual sale going on now!

Comments

  1. I loved that story when you first told it to me and I loved it all over again when I read it. I think it's the struggles and mistakes we make when the kids are young that make use the strong and supportive parents we become. You are a great Mom and your boys are so lucky to have you.
  2. I am so excited! Thank you so much for having me, it was a complete honor! Erin recently posted..I amMy Profile
  3. Oh my! My son takes forever to go to sleep and cries out in his dreams, so I startle awake still with the noises and lay in bed, hoping everything is fine. And the guilt? I hear that too and still see the scars that prove it. But what a great story to tell your kids to help them understand what parenting can be. Mrs. Wonder recently posted..Learning not to judgeMy Profile
  4. If it makes you feel any better that has happened to me too. I thought I heard a kid throw up and checked on my girls and all was well. I ignored my son's room for some reason. Oh wait, it's because he wakes up no matter how quietly you think you're opening the door. The next morning I found him covered in puke, with pasts noodles stuck in his hair. I felt like the worst mom ever as I pried the pasta out of his hair. Oh well, he's only two so he'll never remember.... Twingle Mommy recently posted..Friday Confessions 2/3/12My Profile
  5. twinplusonemomma says:
    thanks for your post....i too had this happen recently, and it was the worst feeling in the world. i'm thankful that her and her sister (who had to sleep with that smell) are too small to remember....
  6. Oh Erin this brought tears to my eyes! You poor thing, you were way too hard on yourself. I can totally imagine the shock seeing your wee man like that awww Cass recently posted..NewMy Profile