That’s right! It’s time for another Mommy Moment at the Monster!
Let’s welcome Stephanie from Where are my supermom boots?! Stephanie and I chat non-stop on Twitter, and I am excited to have her here sharing a moment…especially this one. She is a mama of two, is a fantastic writer, has recently started vlogging (her First Vlog is my favorite!), is super sarcastic (once you’ll see when you watch that vlog) and is as addicted to Twitter as I am!
So once again welcome Stephanie! If you’re not sure what a Mommy Moment at the Monster is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.
Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!
I am so happy to be here at Natalie’s to share my Mommy Moment! After she asked me to do a guest post for her I pretty much grinned ear to ear all night long. Ask my husband, he thought it was weird. I wonder if that means I don’t smile enough at home. Hmmm.
Jeff and I did not plan for our children. We had vague plans to have one or two. And I, especially, had a dreamy vision of what life with a baby would be like. But that was as far as it went.
Then we had Captain B and being a parent was not what I had pictured or imagined. I was NOT good at it!
And I was hurting.
We started talking about whether we should have a second child or not. I was fairly strongly opposed. Captain B was barely a year old. I rarely went out anymore. Money was tight. Jeff and I were fighting a lot. I felt very alone.
Then we got pregnant again.
And I was devastated.
I began to resent everything about my family, about the baby I was carrying. I cried. A lot. All I could think was that my life was over. I would never see my friends. No more clothes shopping whenever I wanted. Just babies, no sleep and a semi-absent husband.
Then, the morning after my first ultrasound my Dr called me at work. Not her receptionist, but the Dr. herself. They had found a problem on the ultrasound. Not with the baby, but an issue that could lead to premature labour and possible loss of my little girl.
And I was scared.
Through the next five months of weekly ultrasounds, semi bed rest and two very painful steroid shots I realized something, I wanted this baby. My expanding belly no longer made me feel trapped. Now, the bigger I got the more it was a sign of success. Every week the chance of survival grew and at 36 weeks, when the ultrasound technician told me that they no longer needed to monitor my uterus, I was able to breathe fully again. Well, as fully as my 36 week belly would let me!
And I was ecstatic.
Four weeks later, two days past her due date, Miss K made her appearance.
And all the impatient moments, the tired moments, the cuddly moments, the playful moments, none will ever come close to that one, the moment when we became the family of four that I did not know I wanted to be.
And I was happy.
You are not alone in feeling this way, and I am so proud of you for sharing it! I think there’s still a stigma attached to you that you are a “bad mom” if you admit you don’t always love it and wonder if having children in the first place was a good idea. By you sharing your Mommy Moment with us, you are helping some mom, somewhere understand that what she is feeling is normal and okay. Thanks Stephanie, so much for putting yourself out there.
There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.
Now head over to Stephanie’s place Where are my supermom boots? and if you are new there, make sure to tell her that I sent you!
Psst! Tomorrow I’ll be telling you all about, Down the Aisle so make sure to pop in!