Mommy Moment At The Monster – Stephanie Style

That’s right! It’s time for another Mommy Moment at the Monster!

Let’s welcome Stephanie from Where are my supermom boots?! Stephanie and I chat non-stop on Twitter, and I am excited to have her here sharing a moment…especially this one. She is a mama of two, is a fantastic writer, has recently started vlogging (her First Vlog is my favorite!), is super sarcastic (once you’ll see when you watch that vlog) and is as addicted to Twitter as I am!

So once again welcome Stephanie! If you’re not sure what a Mommy Moment at the Monster is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!
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I am so happy to be here at Natalie’s to share my Mommy Moment! After she asked me to do a guest post for her I pretty much grinned ear to ear all night long. Ask my husband, he thought it was weird. I wonder if that means I don’t smile enough at home. Hmmm.

Jeff and I did not plan for our children. We had vague plans to have one or two. And I, especially, had a dreamy vision of what life with a baby would be like. But that was as far as it went.

Then we had Captain B and being a parent was not what I had pictured or imagined. I was NOT good at it!

And I was hurting.

We started talking about whether we should have a second child or not. I was fairly strongly opposed. Captain B was barely a year old. I rarely went out anymore. Money was tight. Jeff and I were fighting a lot. I felt very alone.

Then we got pregnant again.

And I was devastated.

I began to resent everything about my family, about the baby I was carrying. I cried. A lot. All I could think was that my life was over. I would never see my friends. No more clothes shopping whenever I wanted. Just babies, no sleep and a semi-absent husband.

Then, the morning after my first ultrasound my Dr called me at work. Not her receptionist, but the Dr. herself. They had found a problem on the ultrasound. Not with the baby, but an issue that could lead to premature labour and possible loss of my little girl.

And I was scared.

Through the next five months of weekly ultrasounds, semi bed rest and two very painful steroid shots I realized something, I wanted this baby. My expanding belly no longer made me feel trapped. Now, the bigger I got the more it was a sign of success. Every week the chance of survival grew and at 36 weeks, when the ultrasound technician told me that they no longer needed to monitor my uterus, I was able to breathe fully again. Well, as fully as my 36 week belly would let me!

And I was ecstatic.

Four weeks later, two days past her due date, Miss K made her appearance.

And all the impatient moments, the tired moments, the cuddly moments, the playful moments, none will ever come close to that one, the moment when we became the family of four that I did not know I wanted to be.

And I was happy.

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You are not alone in feeling this way, and I am so proud of you for sharing it! I think there’s still a stigma attached to you that you are a “bad mom” if you admit you don’t always love it and wonder if having children in the first place was a good idea. By you sharing your Mommy Moment with us, you are helping some mom, somewhere understand that what she is feeling is normal and okay. Thanks Stephanie, so much for putting yourself out there.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to Stephanie’s place Where are my supermom boots? and if you are new there, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Psst! Tomorrow I’ll be telling you all about, Down the Aisle so make sure to pop in!

Down_The_Aisle_linky

Comments

  1. I think we are afraid to admit when we aren't happy with motherhood 100% of the time. I think it's natural to feel like that at times. Thanks for sharing your story!
    • Very afraid to admit when motherhood is not making me happy 100% of the time. I agree that it is natural to feel this way but so often I get the "You wanted kids!" response if I admit to being upset.
  2. Stephanie, thanks for sharing your story. We've all had our less than stellar moments, bravo to you for sharing. And so glad you are the family you didn't know you wanted.
  3. I'm glad to hear everything was okay with Miss K. Seems things happen for a reason and getting pregnant the second time was an unplanned blessing for you.
  4. As a man I have always found it hard to understand some of the emotional type issues that affect mothers-to-be. Stephanie; you explain some of your initially negative feelings very well, and I can imagine that it was hard to be so open. My hope is that this willingness to share will help other mothers who are also struggling. As a grandfather, I am so happy that Miss K is a part of my life.
    • And she thinks you are pretty awesome too :) I also hope that writing my feelings down will help others feel less alone with their feelings.
  5. Glad things worked out for you and, Miss K. Natalie, can't wait for tomorrow. My oldest is getting married Friday!
  6. Thanks for having me today Natalie!
  7. Isn't it amazing how, even in vitro, our children teach us so many lessons! Patience is a big one for me. : )
    • They do try to teach me patience. I admit to not learning that lesson very well :P They do teach me so much though. And sometimes, when I am watching them play so well together (which is NOT happening this morning!) I think about how I thought I did not want a second child and I am so happy that God had other plan :)
  8. I can relate...when you see that baby on the ultrasound it all becomes so real and all the negative thoughts and fears get put aside. Glad that she came out healthy and happy!
    • Me too! The ultrasound was the start of feeling a little more positive about the pregnancy but I am sure it would have taken much longer to get all the way there without the scare.
  9. What a beautiful, honest post. I think lots of us feel this way at times throughout the parenting journey. It takes such courage to share it. Thank you!
  10. Oh, Stephanie. This post was so well-timed, you have no idea. Last week, I had a pregnancy scare when my period was three days late (I'm on the pill and it usually comes like clockwork). I hadn't even taken a test yet, but I was already convinced that my birth control had failed and I was pregnant. (This alone should've clued me in that I was mega-hormonal and about to start my period.) I mentioned a possible pregnancy to my husband - again, even before I POAS - and his reaction was NOT good. For a while now, we've both talked about the likelihood of only having one child and he essentially said he wouldn't be happy if I was pregnant. I was devastated and we got into a huge fight that lasted the better part of the afternoon. Then I took a pregnancy test. Negative. And relief washed over followed by an overwhelming sense of guilt. And I realized that I'd been projecting all my anger at myself for not wanting another baby onto my husband. If I were to get pregnant, I know we would accept it and love the baby unconditionally. But I know now that it's OK to not WANT to get pregnant.
    • It really is okay to not want another one. I think there is so much guilt we put on ourselves when not overjoyed about a pregnancy and there shouldn't be. I am so sorry you had to go through such a stressful day worrying and fighting about it. And now you know what page you are both on with this, which is good.
  11. This was a touching and inspiring story - thanks for being real. I think that's all anyone wants - not perfect, just real. :-)
  12. What an honest and beautiful at motherhood...the good, the bad,, the stuff you only tell ur best friend, and you shared it. Thank you Stephanie! What a really great post. (all of us hate some parts of motherhood...god knows I do!!!! ;)
    • Thank you! Yes, there is always a portion of everyday that I do NOT enjoy in this motherhood gig! Bath time dredges up extreme dislike in fact. But the cuddle time after makes up for it a bit :)
  13. I totally relate to this. My wife was 2 months pregnant when we adopted our son . . . so, all of that parent second-guessing we did . . . well, we didn't have the time to forget it before the next kid came about. I was dead certain that we were going to screw up not one, but two, kids.
    • Wow! You guys are amazing!! I had a hard enough time with two 19 months apart. I think it is almost a requirement as parents to screw up our kids a little bit ;)