Mommy Guilt, Tears, and Happiness

Yesterday, I hated being a mom. There, I said it. And yes, I feel guilty for saying it, but there you go.

There are a couple of reasons for my hate. The first is that Tater, 4 months shy of 3 years old, still doesn’t sleep through the night. Around 2:30-ish, he wakes up for milk and mommy. And if I don’t stay in bed with him, he’ll wake up again. And again. Yes, I know we created a monster.
You might remember that the day before yesterday Ms. L was teething and I was pretty miserable. Ms. L and Ms. M are really.good.babies. I really have nothing to complain about. And when we have off days, I might bitch a little bit about it, but it’s not that big of a deal because 95% of the time they’re angels. But the last two days? Different story!

Because of my bad habit Tater’s bad habit, I don’t get ‘good’ sleep. And on top of being tired from her lack of sleep, Ms. L continued to be completely ROTTEN. She woke up crying…at 5:40 a.m. I might add. She drank her milk crying. Tylenol didn’t help. Being held didn’t help. She didn’t want to sleep. She didn’t want to eat. Playing was out of the question. She just wanted to be miserable. I blamed it on teething. Snot nose and bad attitude usually equal teeth, from my experience. Who knows what the problem was.

I was feeding the girls lunch, and Ms. L just.kept.screaming. In between bites she would do her glass-breaking-wake-the-dead-defy-the-sound-barrier scream. And I started to cry. Because I just couldn’t do it anymore. Hubby came over and offered to take over. Told me to go upstairs and relax until he had to go to work. I declined his offer, saying Tater was upstairs and as soon as I went up there he would be all over me, so why bother. After lunch, I put them down for their nap. And guess who screamed for about ten minutes? And then, silence…

And she woke up from her nap a perfect angel again! She’s better now! And I love being a mom again! And we enjoyed our afternoon outside in the warm California sun!

I will mention that in an effort to save time, I decided to throw all three kids in the shower with me. Just for future reference, not a good idea…DO NOT try this at home!

And so it goes…


  1. Ronnica says:
    I think that we all struggle with not liking our current state. I need to remember to enjoy where I am *right now* and not long for something else.
  2. We've got sleep issues too...I've tried everything and have kind of given up. I know I'm creating a monster but at least I get some sleep in our little 1 bedroom.

    Oh, rationalization, please don't ever fail me.

    I think you're a great mom Natalie.
  3. Heather says:
    I'm sorry! It gets very ugly around here when I have had no sleep. Hopefully Tater will grow out of this soon! Maybe he needs some more sleep overs at Aunties house! :)
  4. i'm no miss says:
    I know I should feel for you. But our children no matter how they bahave, are always cute and cuddly at the end. So while reading this, I saw myself, and quite strangely, I had fun!:)
  5. Alicia says:
    I feel your pain! London will be 4 next month and still doesn't sleep through the night. so when she wakes up so does Luke! I usually have to sleep in there bed most of the night which has a comfort level equivalent to sleeping on a wheat thin.(compared to my bed) Just remember they are only little once. This phase will pass and they will no longer want you or need you.So try to enjoy the nights sleeping with them because that is time you will miss later. You are an amazing mom not to mention extremely brave. I probably would of overdosed by now or drank myself to death. Hey auntie hef, I'll send my kids over for a few nights! haha
  6. Natalie says:
    Well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only mom sleeping with a toddler. Which, by the way, really sucks because they move, kick, toss, put feet and knees right into the small of your back, and sense the minute you try to leave!

    Alicia - I say we leave them ALL with Auntie and the two of us will go out for drinks!
  7. Funky Mama Bird says:
    Oh, I've been there, too. The last time Gunnar was teething, I think I kind of yelled back at him to please just be quiet!

    Hope things continue to get better for you and you get some rest!
  8. Some days I don't feel like being a mom either, but then I realize everyone is entitled to a bad day. And hey, you got through it and today is a new day! Hang in there.

    When all else fails, drink wine. :) Even if it's 2:00 in the afternoon. Just kidding of course.

    Congratulations on 100 followers, by the way!! Very impressive.
  9. If SHE can figure it out.......... says:
    I won't say I know "just how you feel", because I only have ONE - However, I sorta know just how you feel - Last Saturday, After Baby E decided to throw ALL his Cheerios on the floor and then scream and scream and scream, I went out to the garage, where my husband was diligently working on something very important. "I'm done being a mother for today", I said. And I got in my car and took a little drive. Granted, I just went to the grocery store to pick up baby food, but still, it was a nice little getaway, and when I got home, I was ready to be mom again. Mom guilt? You betcha.
  10. Our babe was doing that so we shortened her nap and exercised more during the day which didn't work so then we let her cry it out.... very hard to stomach, but by day 3 the habit was gone.
  11. Oh my gosh, I can't imagine all three in the shower. You are a brave woman. I totally and completely understand how you feel. Sometimes I hate being a mother too. My three youngest are all teething/getting ear infections and sometimes I just want to run screaming down the road. It is one thing to have one cranky child, but two or three is kinda crazy. I'm glad your day looked up and I am so glad you have a husband that is willing to help you.
    I wish I could help you with your oldest's sleeping problems. I bet you could cut the middle of the night problems in just a few days if you were willing to put up with a little crying and a little work.
    One of the best things I have learned to help your kids not wake up over and over again, is to make sure how they fall asleep is how they wake up. Meaning, if you are there when he falls asleep, but aren't when he wakes up, he will wake up and then not be able to get back to sleep without you. If you can figure out how to calm him with your presence, but without him seeing you, maybe that would help. With my oldest when we had this problem, I sat on the floor for a few nights, then I sat across the room for a few nights (where she could not see me in both cases) and then I sat outside her door for a few nights. Each time I moved I had to reassure her few times that I was still there, even though she couldn't see me. Within about a week, she had learned that I was there for her, even though she couldn't see me and she stopped waking me up at night. Just a thought.
    Good luck and hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a great job!
  12. bbcd mama says:
    That picture is freaky and awesome all at the same time. I'm curious to hear about the shower. That hd to be quite the experience!
  13. Cuz I'm the mama! says:
    Gosh we've both had one heck of a week, haven't we?? TEETHING is so hard. But the good news is - we made it!!! It's been nice to read your blog b/c it makes me feel like I am not going CRAZY and that this is really quite challening. And, I don't have a 3 year old too! Bravo mama!! Hope you can get some sleep this weekend. Hugs!
  14. Wow, I had a day like this last week too. If I remember correctly my facebook status went a little like this "if all 3 of my kids are screaming and crying, is it okay for me to do the same?" I held it together and didn't cry but I did lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes. Ah, glad to know that somedays other moms don't like their "jobs" either. I'm not alone!