Losing It

To anybody looking at her from the outside, she seems calm; almost serene. The battle going on within her head could not be discerned. And when Mason stood up to go, she smiled sweetly. “Sit down Mason, we’re not done here yet.”

“Yes Deandra, we are. There’s nothing more to be said.”

“Don’t you dare dismiss me like I’m nobody. Sit down. Now.” She turned her head from side to side and kept her voice quiet, unshaken. She nodded slightly as the waiter passed by with a look on his face that seemed to ask if everything was okay.

“Dee what do you want me to say?” he asked, picking the napkin up out of his chair and throwing it on the table. “I can’t do this anymore. This…thing…between us was supposed to be casual. No strings attached, remember? And now you call me several times a day, you call me at home…my wife is starting to get suspicious and I already told you that leaving her isn’t an option. There is no “us”, Deandra. There is no “we”, no future, no nothing.”

“Mason, please sit. Look, I’m sorry. You know that I tried to keep my feelings out of this but I can’t help that my feelings are becoming – I don’t know, unmanageable? We spend so much time together, you send these mixed signals, what am I supposed to think?” She was starting to fidget. Her eyes pleaded and were desperate to keep the eye contact that he was trying to avoid. “You’re throwing me away like I’m trash! You know you have feelings for me to, you told me you did. Can’t we just try it again? I swear I’ll do whatever you say and take only what you’re willing to give me.”

“This is done. Don’t call me. Don’t email me. Don’t drive by my house. I told you last week that I’m not changing my mind. Why can you not understand that? Why can’t you hear me: I. Am. Done. There’s nothing else to talk about so would you just stop? I tried to be understanding and I tried to break this thing off easily, but you’re starting to piss me off.”

“So this is all my fault?” She glared at him as she tugged on the cheap diamond earrings he gave her. They were probably fake, but they were the only material thing that he ever gave to her and so she treasured them. “Do you understand what you’re doing? I told you that “breaking this thing off” wasn’t an option for me. We are meant to be together! Can’t we just take a few days and think about it?”

“Are you crazy? Meant to be together? We had sex a few times and had a few drinks. There is no relationship!” And with that, he got up and walked out.

The rage sat deep inside, tangled within her bowels and creating so much pressure that she felt that she would rip apart and explode. Her breathing was fast and shallow, and her eyes tried to hold back the tears that always came with the anger. She focused on not making fists. She focused on remaining in control of the emotions that she would never allow anybody else to see. She got up and demurely walked out of the restaurant.

She walked the two blocks to her little apartment downtown. She unlocked the door and kicked off her heels. She went straight for the half empty bottle of vodka in the freezer and took two big gulps straight out of the bottle. She put the rest in a glass, and took it into her bedroom to change her clothes, drinking the entire way down the hall. By the time she reached the bedroom, it was almost gone. She threw on a pair of jeans and changed into a dirty t-shirt.

She sat on her bed and dumped out her cheap, imitation Louis Vuitton purse, looking for the thing that she needed; the thing that would make Mason change his mind.

She searched the contents of her purse; the smashed, almost empty pack of cigarettes which reminded her she needed to get more. The change from today’s lunch bill. The permission slip she forgot to sign so her son wasn’t able to go on the field trip to the zoo. The ten year old ID that showed how pretty she had once been. Receipts for two weeks’ worth of Chinese takeout from down the street. Mason’s business card. Unpaid bills, and a note from her landlord that basically said pay up or get out.

Lint. Empty gum wrappers. A wallet with nothing in it. A Maybelline compact with powder she had to scrap out of the sides. And then her hand gripped what she was looking for. She turned it in her palm, mesmerized by the sight of it; the weight of it. She held it up to her heart, and then set it on the nightstand next to her bed. He would not leave her like she was trash, like a whore to be tossed out after he was done with her. What they had started was special, and she wasn’t going to let him walk away that easy. He would stay or he would pay – at this point, either way was fine with her.

She took the last gulp of the ice cold vodka, pushed her hair back out of her eyes, and saw the crumbling school picture of her son. She got up, and walked back towards the kitchen.

“Evan! Where are you? Why did you leave all your shit laying out on the table?”

“Hey mom.”, the boy said quietly as he shut the refrigerator door. The fear showed clearly in his eyes. ” I got dinner started and it’s in the oven ready to eat. And that’s my homework on the table. I needed some help and I wanted to ask you if you would help me.”

“Not now. Get your shoes on. We’re going down to the market. I’m out of vodka.”

And so it goes…

Mama's Losin' It
I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop in response to Prompt #5: Describe a moment when you saw someone hit their breaking point.

I wrote this prompt for Red Writing Hood and for National Novel Writing Month. The prompt was: “Your protagonist empties the contents of his/her pockets, purse, and/or backpack onto a table. What all was dumped onto the table?”


  1. You are on a roll and I am riveted... Nice job using this for not one, not two, but THREE prompts!!
  2. moveovermarypoppins.com says:

    An excerpt AND two prompts.

    You're like a NaNo ninja.

    Love it.
  3. Very nice! I like it. Great job!

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's.
  4. Good job! This makes me need more of your writing. Keep it up!
  5. LOL, guess I don't need to click your link tomorrow at Red Writing Hood :)

    I loved this. You create a very believable scene between the 2 people. I could see them sitting together in the restaurant having their discussion: her pleading, needing to feel loved and wanted. Him implacable, realizing he has the power and making sure he takes it.

    Visiting through Mama Kat's
  6. Belle's Butterfly says:
    I want to know what she pulled out of her purse. I can't wait for the next excerpt. Great job.
  7. Sharlene T. says:
    Do not EVER let anything come between you and this writing gift of yours... I'm assuming you're going to win the NANO contest, too... come visit when you put the 'thing' from your purse out of the way...
  8. Oooh, very nice. I want more. I NEED to know what evidence she has!
  9. Hot damn woman!

    It's a gun, right?
  10. Seriously, I've never seen one blogger work the multi-meme thing like you. And you're really into the fiction thing, too! Go nat!
  11. WTH am I Doing? says:
    Wow! This series is really fun to read! I've yet to try my hand at fiction (OK, at least not since college...the 1st time...LoL), but have been tossing around the idea. I have my suspicions about what she pulled from her purse...I'm anxious to see if I'm right! ;o)
  12. Clap, Clap, Clap, and I mean, of course, the good kind...LOL! Way to go!
  13. Wow. That was great. I kept waiting to find out who it was in relation to you. Great writing.
  14. OMG. I look forward to this every week for real. You? Have serious writing skills. Me want more!
  15. that was amazing...wow...what a great read (and I want to know what she had!)

    your writing was incredible.
  16. Two prompts in one post? Never has two-in-one been so prolific since shampoo and conditioner! Well done, Nat!
  17. Megan (Best of Fates) says:
    I was actually halfway through reading this before being convinced it's fiction - so well done with this not being your real life! And well written, it actually made me cringe at the end.
  18. Hee! I started reading this and immediately thought "WHAT'S IN THE PURSE?!?" LOL

    Love it - and your dark side..
  19. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says:
    What was the thing???

    Am dying now.
  20. theworkinghousewife says:
    You are an awesome writer!
    Stopped in from Mama Kat's.
  21. Way to go, Nat! Talk about multi-tasking the memes AND NaNo! I love how you describe the character, flaws so obvious and raw.
  22. What a great story! I'm proud of you Natalie for finally trying your hand at writing...of course, I think "the thing" is a gun too! But knowing you, it will be something different?? Can't wait to read more!
  23. Booyah's Momma says:
    1. I love that you named your protagonist after Sweet Dee. Or maybe that's just a random coincidence, and I've seen too many episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

    2. This is good stuff. Heavy, but good. Sounds like the making of a good novel.
  24. blueviolet says:
    I was gripped and under your writer's spell. You are darn good!
  25. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:
    Ohhh!!! Well done! I love it!! You better be continuing this story!
  26. Nice build up - I was hooked. What was it? His wedding ring? I bet he totally forgot it, the bastard. And that poor kid. I can't bear to read stories about bad moms. Great job, Nat!
  27. The Drama Mama says:
    I have to say that I think it's a gun, too, but I'm more curious as to why her son is afraid of her. MORE MORE MORE!
  28. (Florida) Girl says:
    You know what they say about a woman scorned... I am guessing it is a gun.

    Stopping by from the red dress club.
  29. Susie Kline says:
    I want more! What does she do next?!

    xo Susi
  30. Soge shirts says:
    Wow great writing Natalie. I really want to know what happens next. Will she get Mason back by making him realize that she wants him that badly or will it drive him away. Will she get revenge if she doesn't get him. Stirred many emotions in me of past breakups.
  31. Jessica Anne says:
    Great job! I got a great sense of her. She's definitely a little crazy, but I think he deserves what's coming. :)
  32. shortmama says:
    Great writing!
  33. Wow Natalie! This is so good! I find myself both feeling for her and hating her at the same time. She is crazy, yet they are still her feelings. She is neglectful, yet something makes me feel sorry for her. This is really, really amazing!

    oh and? WHAT DID SHE FIND?
  34. I am so going to be one of the first people to buy your work when you get picked up by a publisher! Your descriptions are so vivid and real! And the "He would stay or he would pay" was so simple but incredibly powerful!