The last time I get to meet our baby for the first time.
The last first smile. First hiccup. First poop. It’s all cute when it’s the first time.
The last first rolling over. Sitting up. Standing. Walking.
The last first time they learn to say Mommy. And Daddy.
The last first big boo boo.
The last first day of preschool. Of kindergarten.
The last first time they ride their bikes with no training wheels. Or want you to drop them off in “the circle” instead of walking them up to the gate at school.
Those things are all in the past now. Time flies…it really does. There are those moments (this one I can still see clear as day over 4 years later) that will live forever in your mind. I’ve had this epiphany before, but it’s hitting me hard these days.
I know there are still lots of firsts to come. First crushes, dates, and kisses. First heartbreak. First day of driving. First death of a friend. First job. First day of junior high school, high school, and college. First baby. Lots more firsts in our futures.
But why, WHY do those firsts that they have when they are young seem like such a loss when they are gone? Why do we continually want to live their childhoods over again? Is it because hindsight is 20/20? Because we’d slow down this time and enjoy, cherish the humdrum day-to-day life?
I don’t want them to stop needing me. And as much as I complain about them always wanting to be with me, I don’t want them to NOT want to be with me. I want to always be the #1 person in their lives, though I know it’s not possible. I want to hold their hands, wipe their tears, scold them, and be the little voice in their heads that makes them do the right thing instead of whatever it is that they want to do.
I look at them and I don’t see babies or toddlers anymore. I see a big boy and big girls. I want to freeze time, for them to stay this way forever and ever.
Ethan tells me all the time that if he gets married, he wants to still live with us. I tell him his wife won’t want to, but he pleads with me. No need to plead my sweet boy…I would love to have you with me forever.