What To Expect When You Are Struggling With Infertility: Shame

If you’ve been reading Mommy of a Monster for any length of time, you know I’m pretty much an open book. There’s not a whole lot that I don’t talk about…it’s the same as when you meet me in real life. One thing I’ve talked about a lot often on my blog is our 6-year struggle with infertility before we finally used fertility treatments like IUI and IVF to get pregnant. We were lucky. Others are not so lucky.

I’ve been open about how infertility makes a woman feel..I talked about infertility jealousy at Scary Mommy’s and how we used to joke about “we just don’t do it right.” I have talked about how we didn’t want to “buy a baby” which is why we waited so long to try fertility treatments.

But things I have never written about are the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and guilt that accompany infertility.


I didn’t know anybody who was dealing with the same issues when I was going through the hurt and month-after-month heartache of not being able to conceive. I come from a long line of very Fertile Myrtle’s, and it never occurred to me that I might not get pregnant after just a few months of trying.

I talked to lots and lots and lots of doctors and nurses who sympathized with our situation, but not one of them ever mentioned to me that I might feel like less of a woman for not being able to do what my body was designed to do: bear children. None of them told me that feeling ashamed and guilty was part of the process…normal.

Having people ask questions became embarrassing to answer. The looks of sadness and pity when I explained our situation became unbearable.

Talking About Infertility Shame At WhatToExpect.com

When you are struggling with infertility, lots of people tell you about lots of things. The one thing nobody talks about is the shame that goes with it.

When WhatToExpect.com asked me to guest post, I immediately thought of writing about infertility shame to let others who are currently dealing with infertility know what to expect. Because I wish someone would have told me.

After finally conceiving, I made the decision to openly discuss infertility with anybody who wanted to hear about it or was willing to listen. Because knowledge is power. And I think when you know what to expect – especially the bad stuff – it makes it somewhat easier to deal with.

Now I talk to friends and friends of friends about it. Sometimes they are dealing with infertility or someone close to them is. Either way, knowing the process and understanding the different terms and procedures helps.

I have friends currently going through infertility and even secondary infertility (meaning they were able to have a child/children and then couldn’t conceive again) who know what I am talking about. It is for them that I shared my words.

So head over to WhatToExpect.com and read my words if you are so inclined. And I urge you to read and share my post about infertility shame if you or anybody that you know has or is dealing with infertility. Infertility is still somewhat of a taboo subject to talk about , and I want you to help me change that.


  1. I'm so happy you wrote this. The more people that talk about their experiences with infertility, the more women will know they aren't alone. xoxo Tonya recently posted..Worth The WaitMy Profile
  2. Thanks for sharing - infertility can be such a hard road. Its always nice to be reminded that you aren't alone. I so admire you're openness... I hope to do the same someday but I'm not quite there yet. Happy New Year! :) Jenna @ The Pink Lantern recently posted..Merry Christmas from my home to yoursMy Profile
  3. I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this information for my mission. ways to get pregnant recently posted..ways to get pregnantMy Profile