So I haven’t written a “real” post since Friday. Sure, I had a post for Saturday and Sunday, but they didn’t tell you anything new and exciting about my life. They were informational. And I didn’t even bother to write one for Monday.
Why you might ask, am I slacking on my blog posts? Because, well, I’m very tired. Exhausted. Uneasy. Restless. Anxious. Moody. Zero patience and zero tolerance for any kind of stress. I have body aches and pains, specifically in my neck and head. I feel sad. Hopeless. Sound familiar to anybody?
I wasn’t going to talk about this. I was going to just kind of sweep it under the rug and go on. But the whole purpose of my blog is to be honest – with myself, and for my kids. So here is something I haven’t shared with you before. I battle with depression, and I’m losing this round. When I say I battle with depression, I mean I have a very mild to moderate case of it. But anybody that has ever fought with it knows that even a mild bout is hard to deal with.
I first realized that I had more than just the occasional blues after I had my son. I got a really bad case of postpartum depression. I mean, sit on the couch, feed the baby, don’t want to see anybody or do anything but cry. And it didn’t get better as the weeks passed and my hormones were supposed to be leveling out – it got worse. So I started taking anti-depressants. They made me feel SO much better. Normal.
So when my doctor asked if I was ready to get off of them a couple of months later, we ended up having a discussion about how they made me feel, and how I realized that I had been suffering from depression prior to my pregnancy and delivery…but I didn’t have a name for it and didn’t realize that’s what it was. So I stayed on the anti-depressants until we started to try to get pregnant with the twins. Then I weened off of them.
Since the twins have been able to move around these last few months – they are mobile now and getting ready to walk soon – it’s been creeping back into my life, but I didn’t realize it. My husband did, and sat me down to talk about what he thought was going on…that the depression was rearing it’s ugly head again. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until he mentioned it. As soon as he did, I realized all the symptoms were there, and called my doctor. I’m getting back on my anti-depressants.
I know there are probably some of you out there that either battle depression or maybe have a loved one that does. It sucks. I have a friend that had severe depression, and after feeling what I’m feeling, I honestly don’t know how she deals with it. So if you also battle with it, I send hugs and support to you.
I can tell now, looking back over the last month or so’s blog posts, that many of them “feel” negative or down. I don’t want to be Negative Natalie, and I don’t want to keep this a secret. It isn’t something I have control over other than I can choose to treat it. So that’s what I’m doing.
If you haven’t seen me around your blog, or I haven’t responded to your comments, this is the reason why. I hope that you understand! I have 122 emails sitting in my inbox right now, and there is no way I can get through them all – so as of today, I’m getting back on track and I will be back in action. It helps me to stay busy and “up” and it makes me feel better to see your thoughtful comments and to visit other blogs.
So there you have it. I’m doing the best that I can with the energy I have right now. Please bear with me while I get myself straightened out. I’m gonna try to get to all the blogs I can and answer and respond to comments, but if I don’t get to yours, know that I appreciate you stopping by my blog and I will get back to you…it just may take longer than normal.