I See Your Stars!

Back in 2000 when Jason and I had been dating less than a year, we planned a weekend river trip to Parker with his friends Mr. and Mrs. R.

Mr. and Mrs. R have a boat and the four of us were meeting up with some of Mrs. R’s friends. Mrs. R’s friends are a lesbian couple, and they were with 6 or so more of their friends, and all of them are lesbians. Now why that is important to this story will become clear very soon.

We found the girls and their boat down by the dam, and the proper introductions were made. If you go down by the dam in Parker it’s basically one big party. People tie their boats together and everybody just kinda swims and drinks and has a general good time. We all did that for awhile, and decided to head over to a bar right on the water called The Road Runner. You can literally pull right up to the shore, tie off your boat, and head up the sand to this bar. It’s awesome. They also serve a drink called Road Raper in these huge plastic cups – one of them will knock you on your ass. I stay away from those, as I do not want to end my day passed out in a bar or in Mr. R’s boat.

Anyways, because it was a weekend in July, the bar is crazy. We are lucky enough to find a table big enough for most of us. I sit down with some of the girls, while Jason and Mr. R go to get us some drinks. I start talking to a girl at the table next to us, and she tells me that there’s going to be a wet t-shirt contest. So I tell everybody at my table and of course they’re all very excited about seeing almost-naked boobies in tiny, dripping wet t-shirts. The girl at the table next to me is drop dead gorgeous and has some big old knockers, so I ask if she is participating. She says no, she’s too modest…even though her bikini barely covers more than her nipples.

Jason and Mr. R arrive back with our drinks, and the girls tell the guys about the wet t-shirt contest. One of the girls then asks me if I’m going to participate.

Side Note: I really am modest and there’s no way in hell (drunk or sober) that I’d be willing to get up on a stage, dance around and pour water all over myself, and then flash 100+ strangers my goods. If we’re being honest, I probably could’ve done it. This was 10 years ago, before kids, when I was still thin and my boobs were still perky. I was tan and in relatively good shape. But I’m just too shy for that kinda nonsense.

Mrs. R cut out of the picture to protect the innocent

So I say no way, you couldn’t pay me to get up there. To which she replies “Why? We’ve already all seen your tits anyways”. I look down and my bikini top, the cute turquoise bikini that I got from Victoria’s Secret that I thought I looked smoking hot in, is gaping open and you can see my naked boobs! The way I was sitting, kind of hunched over with my elbows on the table, made the material move away from my body and I gave a table full of lesbians a free show!

Needless to say, I was extremely embarrassed. And no, I still did not get up on that stage. I’ve done a lot of crazy things, but entering a wet t-shirt contest ain’t one of ’em.

And so it goes…

Mama's Losin' It
I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop in response to Prompt #3: A wardrobe malfunction


  1. DOH! Well, you made a tableful of women happy with your own "girls." You did your part! ;)
  2. Oh, you knew you were flashing your lady bits, now, didn't you? Ha! That would have been embarrassing! It makes a funny story for us, though. :)
  3. I know you flashed em in New Orleans for beads! I couldn't get up the nerve to do that...course my boobies are lots smaller than yours...not that anyone would have noticed!
  4. BAHAHA! I've never done that. of course, I don't have any boobs to show.
  5. The mad woman behind the blog says:
    AWESOME! I have no such modesty issues. Yeah, I would have been offering them opportunities to give me a breast exam.

    Yeah you!
  6. I'm not a lesbian, but I don't think I would have told you right away either. Awesome story. I think that would have made a great Wordless Wednesday. Any Pictures?
  7. That's hilarious! I actually did enter a wet T-Shirt contest my sophomore year in college in Mexico on my very favorite ever Spring Break. I had a blast doing it so don't knock it till u try it! Haha! I actually only did it to get free drinks all day long. Of course, I never took off my shirt completely like a lot of the girls did in the contest. : )
  8. Mommy Lisa says:
    OH MY LANTA! That would have made me melt right into the floor. :P
  9. moveovermarypoppins.com says:
    That bikini is totally smokin' hot.

    Well played, all around!
  10. HA!!! That is so funny!! I was wondering where the story was going. I forgot about that prompt. I once flashed my friend's dad!! Talk about embarrassing!
  11. Everyone has to give a 'free show' now and again. ;)
  12. The same thing happened to me once, but I was at summer camp...with my church...
  13. Hilarious! I probably would have grabbed one of those knock-you-on-your-ass drinks to cover my embarassment. and then would have ended up in the contest.
  14. OMG, Nat!!!

    You look smokin' hot in the picture!!! You totally coulda won that contest...and bought yourself a new bikini with some better coverage :)
  15. The Blogging Goddess says:
    HAHAHAHA. The question is...is it better to show lesbians or horny guys your boobies??
  16. Oh no, lol. I'm sure I've had some malfunctions but I don't embarrass easy, which I guess could be embarrassing for everyone else.
  17. See, once I knew I'd flashed people I'd try to "recover" by being brave enough to do the contest. Because I'm nuts.
  18. redriverpak says:
    Loved the story! As far as the picture..... Wow!
  19. The Empress says:
    Oh, gaa! I would have died. I hate embarrassment like that. That happened to me in H.S. on a school field trip, no less. The water somehow knocked my top off and I got up and out of the water and by the time my girlfriends had waved me down to get back in the water, all the class had seem my booblessness.

    Painful memories...I didn't think I"d live through it. NOw, the only one that remembers it is me...
  20. I love it! Our lesbian friends are truly the nicest group of women ever but they so would have let you sit like that all night! Lol
  21. The Sharp's says:
    Hilarious!!! You totally should have done it! You had nothing to lose at that point!!! No lesbo here, but can't get over the hotness in that pic! Dang!
  22. Oh gosh, I would've died too! That's a funny story though and definitely made for a memorable 4th for everyone on your boat!
  23. Grace @ Arms Wide Open says:
    hehehehe!!! awesome story! I love that you could even find a picture from that day - i'm impressed!
  24. JDaniel4's Mom says:
    I am not sure that I would have know how to handle this.
  25. I started laughing at your using "big ol knockers." then I laughed harder at your very logical reasoning about how that chick couldn't be so modest. But THEN you ended up flashing the table anyway!?!?

    Great story, Nat. LOVED it!
  26. WTH am I Doing? says:
    LoL Nice. Usually the only time I have boob issues is when I've talked shit about someone else dressing "inappropriately" or when I have a meeting with our (conservative female) company president. Never quite had a full malfunction, but there has been enough cleavage to pretty much count. >.<
  27. blueviolet says:
    You're an unintentional flasher..you sexy girl, you! LOL Seriously, look at you rockin' out that bikini. Dang!
  28. Nothing makes you feel quite as sexy as giving a free show! I love Victoria's Secret bikinis, since you can buy them in different sizes top and bottom. And you DO look awesome in it!!

    Funny story....
  29. Girl. You shoulda totally done it. Not sayin I would have in that situation, but with that body? There are a lot of what ifs in my life right now, so I'm constantly wishing I had lived a bit more with my pre-baby body.

    But sorry about the humiliation.
  30. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:
    Woot for the Girls!!!!
  31. the mombshell says:
  32. That's hilarious. I know you know, stranger things have happened at the river. Wink wink, nudge, nudge.