Ho Ho Ho Holiday Swap!

Today is a special day here at Mommy of a Monster.

I am super excited to tell you about two things:

I am guest posting over at Organic Motherhood With Cool Whip (thanks for having me, Naomi!)

-and-

I’ve got Mad’s Mom from A Diary of a Mad Woman guest posting here! A bunch of us bloggers got together and decided to have a Ho Ho Ho Holiday Post Swap, and I was lucky enough to be in kahootz with these two ladies! So when you’re done reading all about Mad’s Mom’s crazy single days, go visit me at Organic Motherhood With Cool Whip…you’ll be glad you did!

This post that Mad’s Mom was nervous about sharing with me is just awesome…what else can I say? I swear, I’ve got some crazy memories like this one that I don’t post here on my blog. Sure, I’ve posted a couple over at A Day In The Life Of A Surferwife, but I’ve never posted anything this juicy and risque here…so enjoy it (I know I did!).

My Last Single Christmas

It was 2001. Living in San Francisco by myself in a kick ass apartment with a view. It was fabulous! Close to the marina where I ran regularly (chasing the hotties, of course), near a bunch of bars that were always populated with beautiful people. I was living the life.

I worked in retail then, managing a jean store where I could talk to men about their packages and to women about their asses, um assets without being slapped with a harassment suit.

The down side of course is that it is the busiest time of the year and NO one travelled home to see family. Sorry peeps, dems da breaks. And really I was fine with it. Why would I want to go back to Kansas in the middle of the winter where I had no access to running trails, half naked people or good booze (my parents didn’t drink). Talk about the winter blues.

While work didn’t provide real dating opportunities I did have someone I had started dating before the holidays.You know how that goes. You’re dating long enough to know you like a person but not long enough to expect them to buy nice gifts and stay in town away from their families. What? There are people that are actually San Francisco natives? No way.

Anyway, Christmas day rolls around and a couple of retail friends invite me over to join them for the day. Since the host was a snobby guy with a flair for interior design, I figured I’d be in some nice digs and may even have a nice meal. What I didn’t expect was just how much wine was needed to be consumed to properly cook a Christmas chicken. To top it off, dessert wouldn’t be the same without some locally grown herb. Let’s just say that was the tastiest bird a couple of drunk chics ever roasted. And whoda thunk that being baked when baking would result in some pretty delicious confections.

Feeling pretty good, maybe a little full, the party was moved to the beach. We walked the 5 or 6 blocks, with me singing Christmas carols at the top of my lungs. I sing, so? And there may have been skipping, mostly by me. The beach seemed like a great idea when we were stoned, drunk and happy but the wind and cold quickly busted up the party. So we returned back to the flat before finding a rare bus back to our own pads.

Have you ever been alone and stoned on Christmas? It’s not a pretty picture.

Remember that guy I alluded to? Well, if I was just drunk I would have called him and you know, offered some um aural stimulation.Turns out weed makes me into a bit of a sap. So, at 1am, HIS time, I called the beau of the moment and I may or may not have professed my eternal love. “I miss you more than I could ever have imagined” may have come from my lips. “Why do you have to be so far away, don’t you love me? Don’t you want to be with me?” I may or may not have sobbed a little.

When I sobered up, I mean, awoke the next morning I found my phone dead. Panicking I plugged it in and reviewed my outgoing calls. Only one had me concerned. What did I say to the beau? I didn’t have to wait long before my phone was ringing. It was him. He was calling to see how I was feeling. When I wasn’t too clear about the previous evenings events, he only chuckled and said he missed me.

Sure, spending the holidays being with family, cuddling in front of a fire, sipping cocoa sounds lovely. But if you ask me, the Christmas I barely remember ain’t so bad. Now where did I leave that pipe?

———-

What’d I tell ya?! Good stuff, huh? So much fun to read about somebody else’s crazy pre-marriage/kid antics, isn’t it?
Now you all love Mad’s Mom, right??! Go visit her blog for even more of her humor…she’s not known for being shy and she’s not afraid to show you her boobies, and there are no off-limit topics. If you’re good with that, you’ll love A Diary of a Mad Woman, too. Thanks for making my day Mad’s Mom!

While you’re here, check out all of my cool giveaways!
Links to them all are located at the top of my sidebar.

And so it goes…

Comments

  1. Truthful Mommy says:
    Love it! She is a complete wild woman and I gotta say its one of her best qualities.Thanks for sharing lady! Now go bake me a chicken with some special brownies and I'll meet you and Naomi in Texas:)Happy Holidays!
  2. The mad woman behind the blog says:
    Thank you for having me Natalie. This was a lot of fun to live, remember and write. (And I didn't even mention the shrooms!)
  3. Wow - that really reminds me of how different Christmas is as a single person than as a mom/wife! Thanks for sharing!!
  4. Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip says:
    Oh man! Your story here brought back so many memories from my wild single days. You are so much fun, Amy! Can't wait to meet you and hear all your adventures in person. I'll have to cook us up some special brownies for the occasion. Hahaha!
  5. This is quite the Christmas tale! Leave it to Mad's Blogging Mom!
  6. I can SO picture me holding her hand & singing at the top of my lungs. Love me some Mad Woman. Off to read Nat's!
  7. You capture the fun of being single in San Francisco perfectly. This was exactly as I remember it when I was single in 1997-1998 there. Thanks for the flashback!
  8. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says:
    I'm pleased to say that I've never drunk/stoned dialed.

    On Christmas.
  9. HAHAHA. I remember one Christmas when I was still living at home, I got wasted on Christmas eve at a bar with my friends. The next morning my Dad made us all go to early mass and I was still drunk. I remember kneeling in the pew with my head bowed down because the church was spinning...my family all thought that I was just deep in prayer. Good times
  10. I can't top Lori's comment. Awesome.

    I like being married, but the single days were pretty fun too.
  11. There really are a bunch of things to be thankful for at Christmas?
  12. HA! Can you even imagine doing that now?

    Wait...
  13. What a great guest post...I think that being baked would help me appreciate so many things, including my own pathetic attempts at Christmas dinner! You may be on to something here!!
  14. Oh Lori's comment is the best ever. Totally made me giggle. :P

    This story made me think of a Christmas a long time ago, my grandmother was in the kitchen cooking, and in-between cooking this or that she was taking drinks of wine. By the time dinner was done, grandma was hammered. It was hilarious!
  15. Hahahaha. I don't believe it. Not you. You would never have such a Christmas celebration.

    Hah.

    I love it. I bet that was the best meal ever.
  16. I can only imagine.....and having met Mads Mom? She is one fun chick, I can tell.

    Merry Christmas to both of you!
  17. Now I feel old. Great post, just a harsh reminder of how much crazier life was as a singleton. Alone and stone on Christmas doesn't sound half bad considering the last few weeks I've had.

    Also, I want to be a part of the Ho Ho Swap next year!!
  18. Speaking as a (kind of) native of San Francisco I can assure you all that you are focusing on the wrong part of the story...homegirl took the BUS that night!!! SF MUNI stories deserve their very own blog. Trust me.
  19. The Empress says:
    Oh my god to Kimberly's comment.

    Cracked my ass up.

    Merry Xmas, everyone!
  20. Morgan B. says:
    It's stories like this that make me so grateful not to be single. Those were scary times. THANK GOD cell phones were not affordable at the time. I would have been a drunk dialing fool.