Frumpy-Mom-Wife

Remember when you first started dating your husband? You’d get all dolled up to see him – not a hair out of place, matching bra and panties, trying to look like you were America’s Next Top Model? And then remember how as time went by, things started changing? The hair went back into a ponytail, the sweats came out, maybe you only put mascara and lip gloss on instead of the whole mask? And then marriage comes along and the bra and panties don’t match, you only wear make up if you’re going to work or going out, and there are days you don’t even bother getting out of your jammies. Yeah, I remember all that too.

Oh Good God! Please don’t let me turn into this! She does look happy, though…

And guess what? Somewhere, somehow along the way…I became a frumpy-mom-wife. The one who let herself go. How it happened, I don’t know. I didn’t even realize that it had happened until yesterday morning.

We decided to go to Home Depot after the girls got up from their nap. Home Depot on a Saturday is not normally a smart idea, but that we are tired living in a torn apart house (see here for details about our flood in March). 9:00 rolls around, and I tell hubby I’m going upstairs to put the babies down for their nap and to get dressed. I ended up on the computer for a half hour instead of getting dressed. I go back downstairs, still in my pajamas, hair still up in a rubber band and not even brushed, not a lick of makeup on, and he says “So you got dressed and ready to go”. And he was serious.

I said “Babe, is this how you’re used to seeing me now? This is how you think I go out? I don’t even have any makeup on and I’m still in my pajamas!” He says “But you said you were going upstairs to get dressed!” And that’s when it hit me…I turned into one of those wives. He’s never, ever said anything to me about this before, and really didn’t even realize what he’d said yesterday. He tells me I’m beautiful. He tells me I look great and don’t need to lose weight if I do’t want to. He loves me as-is. But it really bothered me that (in my mind) that’s what I’d become to him: frumpy-mom-wife.

Don’t get me wrong…I really don’t see the point of getting all gussied up to sit home all day. I still brush my hair and try to do something with it every most mornings. I still wear a little makeup everyday. I don’t always wear sweats…sometimes I wear my mom jeans (I just admitted that??). It takes a lot of effort to get all put together…and time…and I just don’t have the energy to do it every day for no reason.

So to prove that I still have it, yesterday afternoon I got all gussied up – even blew dry my hair to give it some oomph (I usually let it just air dry and flat iron it) – full makeup mask on, perfume, the works. To go sit at my sister’s house for a bbq with the family. Probably overkill, but I want him to know that I still think he’s important to me too!

Ridiculous? Yes, but I need to remember that I’m not just a mom, I’m a wife too…and I need to put as much effort into our marriage as into raising the kids. So I’m dieting and I’m going to start taking care of myself so that I’ll feel better about myself and want to be my husband’s hottie! Live and learn, you know?

And so it goes…

Comments

  1. Allyson & Jere says:
    I am freakishly opposite. I physically can not NOT get ready. I don't know why, well yes I do. I feel greasy and gross and realllly ugly if I don't have on my makeup and have my hair done. So, I get fully ready EVERY day. But, I also try to leave the house at least once every day, running errands, stopping by my parents, taking kid to preschool, whatev. But, I do sometimes get ecompletely ready just to sit around. I know, it probably does seem a waste, but like I said, I'm wierd that way. Oh, and also, I don't even own a pair of sweats. But that's because I look far to hideous and fatter than I already am in them. AND...I'm talking too much.
  2. Stacey x says:
    I know what you mean. It gives you a great confidence boost when you put that little bit of extra effort in now and again. You're not expected to do it all the time - some things are more important. Good on you!x
  3. I like to sit at home being comfy, but sometimes I need to put moisturizer on, some lip gloss and actual clothes just to sit around because I get to feeling frumpy, too.
  4. NanaDiana says:
    I always remember somerhing my Aunt told me. As soon as you get up, brush your teeth, fix your hair & put a bit of makeup on. That way no matter how the day turns out you feel a bit better about yourself!
  5. oh natalie...i can totally relate! some days, i do not make it out of my pj pants too!
    i have tried lately to put lip gloss on and sometimes mascara but it doesn't always happen...
    lew actually said to me recently wasn't your hair a lot blonder when we met??
    so i have tried lately to make an effort.
  6. i hear ya, but what a blessing to be loved 'as-is'...you're just in a busy mommy season right now. slowly all will fall back into place :)
  7. Heather says:
    I havebeen living this everyday for a very long time now. I am so busy with everything else that I don't even look in the mirror before I leave the house. Then in the car I look in the mirror and get a shock. Someday I will put on makeup and do my hair everyday! :)
  8. Ms. Understood says:
    Nothing wrong with wanting to be the hot piece of arm candy your husband married. Do your thing girl.
  9. I'm reading this eating an extra large cinnamon roll, unshowered with no make up.

    But in my defense, my husband doesn't shave on weekends anymore or put on any clothes.
  10. The Ginger says:
    No offense...but you sound like my mom. I'm sure I'm younger than a lot of your readers, though, so don't worry :) I still think my mom is the most beautiful person in the world and I'm sure your husband thinks the same about you. Once the kids are out the house (it's coming up faster than you think), you'll go back to being the hottie you were before kids!
  11. Joann Mannix says:
    I have the same issues, kind of.

    I write, both freelance and on my blog, so a good part of my day is spent on my computer. So, being comfy is of utmost importance. And since, during the day, it's just me and the dogs, I stay in my jammies. And yes, there are days I never get out of them and my hair is still in its bed head state when my husband gets home and I always feel bad for that.

    On the other hand, whenever I leave the house, I'm dressed with the full makeup, the hair and I'm always about dressing up even if its just heels and jeans, no matter where I go.

    My girls are all teens and my daughter gave me the greatest compliment the other day. she just said, "Mom, I love how you dress. You never embarrass me by wearing a visor."

    I didn't really understand it, but I'll take it.

    So, my split personality image completely understands where you're coming from.
  12. I hear ya girl. It's especially tough when they are little. In a few years, you will have a little more time to focus on your grooming rituals. As long as you brush your teeth and shave your pits, you're golden.
  13. Luckily its still showing up that does it for Boyfriend. Great post.
  14. Mommy Living (Lori) says:
    This is a great post, and I can totally relate. It’s funny because I have been thinking about this issue lately too. I feel really frumpy a lot of the time when at home. A week ago our next door neighbors invited us over for an impromptu drink, and I told my husband that it would take me a while to get ready (I had already showered but had not makeup on, hair was a mess, and was in really big baggy sweats that made me look 15 lbs heavier than I already am, which is heavier than I want to be). He said I looked fine as is and that we were just going for a brief time. So, I went (feeling uncomfortable). I mentioned to my neighbor that I wasn’t pleased with how I looked at the moment, and she said “that’s ok, you’re Mommy Bear right now.” True, I’m probably really comfy for my 14-month-old to snuggle up with, but Mommy Bear is a little too fluffy for me. I am ready to start being pretty mommy/wife.
  15. Aging Mommy says:
    Excellent post. I will just say that having three very young children as you do it is incredibly hard to find time to make the effort with yourself. I did not start letting my standards drop until after my daughter was born, and it was a slow, gradual decline but I realized one day just how far I had gone. So now I make an effort, because it makes me feel better about me.
  16. Um, have you forgotten you had TWINS? and a toddler? Yeah, that'd do anyone in. And I'm scared for what I'm about to say for fear that you will want to punch me... But remember my kids are 8 and 10... And maybe somewhere along the line I had that same epiphany, but I almost always put myself together. I guess like you I want to be hubby's hottie and I don't want him seeking it elsewhere. And it makes me feel better to put on my mask- does wonders for my spirits. Yep, even fishing. I'm pathetic. But it's who I am. And the most important thing is to be happy with who we are, right?
  17. If SHE can figure it out.......... says:
    I always wanted to be a MILF, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen - case in point: today I put capri pants on to go work out in the yard - my husband was out there mowing the grass. He stopped what he was doing and walked over to give me a kiss and then said "so, going au natural, huh?" And it was then that I looked down and realized that I haven't shaved my legs......IN OVER A WEEK! Poor guy.
  18. Sippy Cup Mom says:
    Oh wow, I could have written this. I barely change out my my sweats when at home and always have my hair back in a ponytail. A plus is my husband doesn't like a lot of makeup, so I can get away with that. But I definitely need to start putting forward a little effort!
  19. Monica Fernaays says:
    So True....My husband and I went to dinner last night with friends, I was re~appling my lipstick, my husband turns to me and says what are you doing? "Putting on lipstick" his reply "I never see you do that?" my reply "I don't get out much!"
  20. I totally feel ya! I live in my sweats and sometimes I forget that I need put a little more effort into myself. I put so much effort into other things that sweats and a pony are just easier!!
    I do wear makeup everyday for work but even if I'm just home on the weekend I will usually put a little bit on only because it makes me feel better. I think if you do what makes you feel good about yourself then others will totally pick up on that!!
    Way to show your hubs that your not just sweats and a pony!!! I think we all need to make more of an effort....we'll do it together. Motivation!!
  21. Christy says:
    I love jammie days, where no one gets dressed all day long. I only wear a little makeup (usually only eyeliner and eye shadow). I never fix my hair.

    I think I turned into the frumpy wife a LOOOOOOOONG time ago. And honestly, I have no desire to go back. I think it is enough that I shave my legs.
  22. i'm bad at this too... i did a one week challenge at www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com to get dressed before 8:00am every day! it was awesome!
  23. It's so easy to fall into that endless pit of not putting forth the extra effort, isn't it?

    But I've begun to realize that when I take the time to do my hair (even if it's up in a cute stylish ponytail) and put on a bit of mascara and lip gloss, I feel better about myself.

    What's funny though is that my husband barely notices but my kids will. If I do my hair differently or I put on a bit more make-up, they always say something about it.
  24. Pumpkin and Piglet says:
    Great post! I can really relate to this. Before Piglet came along, my hair and make up were always done. It doesn't tend to happen now unless I'm going out. I keep meaning to make the effort and I really should, I know I always feel so much better when I do!
  25. Beth in NC says:
    You have a new follower. I just hopped over from blogfrog. I hope you'll visit me as well.

    I can SO relate. I MAKE myself get a shower, makeup, hair fixed, etc ... since I have to take my daughter to preschool. So for the most part, my husband sees me looking somewhat decent. Though I love comfy clothes and certainly don't dress to impress him a lot of times. Sigh.

    Hope to see you soon,
    b
  26. The Sharp's says:
    I don't think this is ridiculous at all. Good for you for realizing it now and it sounds like you have a great man there.
  27. Alex@LateEnough says:
    I had to learn to take the time to do makeup and get REALLY dressed, but it wasn't for my husband (who hates makeup). It was for me. I felt better taking a little more time for myself.
    I think that it's great!
  28. Hmmmmm . . . I have been an as-is kind of girl since my husband and I met 24 years ago. I was in jeans then, and I still am. Unkempt and messy then, and I still am.

    High fives on setting low standards and low expectations!

    I have nowhere to go but up!

    Yay me!
  29. Kristin Glasbergen says:
    We have designated jammie days. Usually Monday.
    This is a great post. Most mom's have a bad habit of putting themselves last. I decided this year to change that. I de-frumped and got fit. It's a work in progress.
  30. Michelle Faith says:
    dontcha know it honey...im sitting here in my sweats and hair pulled up. I had to tell the hubby I didn't want to make out cause I needed to bursh my teeth! Frumpy frump frump. But hell its still only Monday, I'll get to it...one of these days.
    :)
    Love your funny honey.
  31. Katie's Dailies says:
    I've had days like that, but living here in the South now, it's an unwritten rule to get dolled up, even if it's to pump GAS! But the one thing i really have a hard time with is keeping up with my nails. I'm constantly washing my hands it seems or planting things in my gardens this time of year, and my feet are EXTREMELY ticklish---just ask my husband about the time he tried to tickle them 20 years ago. Yeah, he's stayed away from them ever since!
  32. It's a balancing act. While you're giving all you have to your family, don't forget about you. Funny, I just put up a similar post yesterday, then I saw that Pumpkin and Piglet put up one as well and mentioned yours, so I had to stop by. Hope it all works out for ya.