Just One More Time

If you’re looking for Lila and Mia Host ‘The Bidness’, they’ll be back next week!

——-

This was absolutely the last time that she would do this. It was all too exhausting, too degrading. But the money kept sucking her back in. Where else could she work just a couple of nights a week and make enough money to pay her rent and buy her groceries for a month?

School was expensive, and her parents could barely afford the tuition costs. She told them that she had a part time job and a roommate to help her pay the rent. She told them that she worked in a busy restaurant not far from campus. She didn’t want them to worry, and she didn’t want to disappoint them. They wouldn’t understand or approve of what she was doing.

The club was just a step above being called ‘seedy’. With a mixture of working class locals, students from the college, and tourists, there was money to be made. Men would spend their last dollar on a beer and a chance to have a beautiful woman pay attention to them. They wanted a fantasy, and she could be that fantasy, but it would cost them.

She had been working here now for almost 9 months. As many of the girls did, she started out serving cocktails. The “uniform” was a bikini top and shorts that didn’t leave much to the imagination. She remembers back to the first night of work…how she was mortified to walk out in front of people wearing those shorts and too-high heels. She was so embarrassed. But at the end of the night, she had gotten almost $400 in tips, and decided to work one more night…

Less than a month later, her boss had asked her if she wanted to fill in for one of the regular dancers. He said that she didn’t have to remove any clothing, just wear a skimpy bathing suit and dance suggestively. After a couple of shots and a “bump” as the girls called it, she put on the barely-there-covers-nearly-nothing swimsuit and stepped on stage.

The attention was immediate and gratifying. To have so many men desiring her was almost erotic.

But over time, the novelty wore off and the dread and disgust set in. It was the same man wanting the same things, only their faces changed. They always wanted more, “extras”, they wanted her to do things that she’d never even heard of. They tried to touch her, bribe her; a few even started waiting outside of the club for her.

She only had a month of school left. She could quit now and she would be okay. Sure the money would stop coming, but she could find something else over the summer.

She could feel the rythmic bumping of the music. She smelled the stale alcohol. The air was electric – as if the desire coming from them all was alive.  She looked at herself one more time in the mirror after she heard her name called.

She was going to give up the money. And as she stepped onto the stage and saw the packed club and all of the dollar signs where their faces should have been, she knew that she was wrong.

——-

Just for the record, this is fiction.

Con-crit (constructive criticism) appreciated! Please feel free to leave any suggestions you think will help me improve my writing!

This post was written for the red writing hood at the red dress club. The prompt: Write a short piece – 600 words max – that begins with the words, “This was absolutely the last time” and ends with “She was wrong.”

Comments

  1. I love it! Great story for the prompt! I didn't get a chance to join in this week, so catching up on some good reading! Happy weekend!
  2. This was great! I could feel how much she was torn by what she was doing. Money and attention is a strong motivator! Great job!
  3. Great story! I loved it!
  4. Wow! Really great story! So easy to get sucked in by money.
  5. I had a friend who worked for a while as a dancer. She described it in somewhat similar terms.
  6. I really like this story. It left me wanting to know more of her story. I really liked this line: "and all of the dollar signs where their faces should have been..." Great visual.
  7. This is great! I am sure there are so many women out there that feel this way! Loved how you clarified at the end it was fiction! Haha
  8. Oh I love this. Makes me wonder if this is really a fiction piece because it's so convincing...wink wink.
  9. I really liked this! As a college student, I can empathize. It's pretty ironic being a house keeper for a living when my dad has the money for 3 house keepers.
  10. Great job! Like Roxanne said, I wanted to know more once I was done!!
  11. I really loved this. It flowed well and you had some great visual language. I could feel her indescision. It's so true: money will make you do almost anything.
  12. I really liked this, thought it was interesting and engaging. Great job!
  13. I love the just for the record part! You mean you didn't used to be a stripper? ;)
  14. I thought this was really good; you can see she is torn about what she's doing, but enthralled by the benefits of it as well. If I can offer any suggestion at all, it would be to maybe "show" a little more of how she felt about the guys. Instead of just telling about them, show an example (maybe a short paragraph about one of them waiting for her, if she's worried, how she gets out of it.) The last two paragraphs do an excellent job of "showing", IMO. It feels really present, like we're in her head with her.
  15. I think this is well done, Natalie. You made yourself - er, I mean, your character (HEE!) - seem very real.
  16. I love how she feels disgust, but can't seem to get past that seduction of money. Liked how you used the prompt!
  17. Oh good stuff, Natalie. I can feel almost see her wince with disgust at her job, yet sense her reluctance to stop. Like very much!
  18. Natalie! I really like this! So much that I can see this being a book I would totally read. Who is this girl? Why did she choose this over just a waitress job or whatever? What else happens as a result of this job? Does she ever quit? Does she take the money over schooling? So many possibilities! Such a great piece!
  19. Love your take on the prompt! You really portrayed her tension and angst so well! Also? I love the "for the record!" :)
  20. I read this last week, just wasn't able to comment until now. Love it! I could smell the desperation. I really enjoy your fiction... WRITE MORE!!

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  1. [...] time” and ends with “She was wrong.” And I did write a fictional piece for the prompt titled Just One More Time, but it was not the original piece I wrote for the [...]