The Cure for Frustrated Heartache?

I remember the day that we were finally diagnosed with unexplained infertility. That means that there’s nothing wrong with either one of us and no reason that we shouldn’t be able to have a baby. We spent so much time and money just to find out there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with us. Five years of trying, with not even one scare, nothing wrong.

After finding out we had unexplained infertility, we joked that we “just didn’t do it right”. But peel back the layers of joking, and you would find that there was a lot of ugliness. Ugly things like anger. And depression. And jealousy. Oh, and there was pain – lots of pain.

To find out that there was nothing wrong with us, but that medically that in and of itself was a problem, was very frustrating. We had struggled with infertility for years. You can read about our journey in Part I and Part II that I wrote last month in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week.

So, we talked to our doctor about our options and I immediately began researching our situation and possible options and solutions. We could try to take fertility drugs that would make me produce several eggs in one month with the hope that the sperm would have a better chance of fertilizing one of them. Cheap and less than a 50/50 shot. We could do intrauterine insemination or in vitro fertilization (both explained in my previously mentioned posts). More expensive and even more expensive, and not much better odds.

All of those options frustrated and saddened us. We wanted to have a baby the old fashioned way. We didn’t want to “buy” a baby or have a baby “made” for us in a petri dish. We thought about it. We talked about it. I prayed about it.

We decided that fertility treatments were our only options at this point. For us, the “medicine” for having a baby was coming to terms with not only the fact that we’d never have a baby the old fashioned way, but also coming to terms with the fact that we wanted a baby so bad that we would do whatever it took to have one. The “medicine” was the love that we had for one another and our future family. The need to see what the two of us put together would produce. The need to get rid of the constant clouds hanging over our heads every month that passed where there still wasn’t a baby.

Two fertility treatments and three kids later, I’m so glad we decided to take the necessary steps to have a family. God gave us a bumpy, rocky road to travel down, but made it worth it. I am grateful and very humbled by the blessings that we have received.

I think of all of the other men and women still struggling with infertility. The ones that have done in vitro 5 times and still don’t have a baby. The ones that can’t afford fertility treatments. The ones that don’t even know yet that there’s a problem. I send my prayers and best wishes to them. I know how hard the process was for us, and how hard it was to deal with every single day.

And so it goes…

Mama's Losin' ItI wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. It was in response to Prompt #2: What was your medicine? Write about a time you remember being ill.

Comments

  1. Maureen says:
    Beautifully written! I have a friend who had to go through similar steps like you and finally after 2 IVF, she was blessed with her son. My own Aunt whose been married for almost 20 years now also have unexplained infertility, she's a pastor and I'm sure her faith is what keeping her strong and the marriage in tact. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!
  2. Yes, I agree with Maureen. Beautifully said. I had no idea. We never went that route, but it took us 7 years to have our son. Things don't always work out on our timetable I guess.
  3. NanaDiana says:
    What a wonderful outcome for your! I know that sometimes it is hard to "give over" what we think we can do (or should be able to do) ourselves. I think there's even a sense of shame there sometimes & a feeling of helplessness..but..no matter WHAT you went through it is SOOOO worth it! What a blessing. And,the even bigger blessing is that now you can reach out and touch someone else that is walking your path. Hugs to you, sweetie!
  4. If SHE can figure it out.......... says:
    Very touching post. Although we did not struggle with infertility, we would have done whatever was in our power in order to have a baby - even if that would have meant a smaller house, an older car, no cable tv, etc. It must have been a difficult decision for you to make, but I can tell that you are happy you did!
  5. I'm so glad you guys got your wish. That kind of stuff is so tough...when there's no way to get what you want for sure.

    Hug to the whole family - and a kiss to your little ones.
  6. Courtney says:
    Well written, Natalie. It is very sad to think about those couples not getting to experience what we experience with our children. So glad God blessed you with 3 miracles.
  7. pegbur7 says:
    Very well written post. I can't pretend to know what it's like though. I got pregnant every time my husband sneezed in my direction. I feel so badly for others that do have those problems though.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's.
  8. Paul and Kerry says:
    It's so hard to watch friends go through this. We have several couples that had to take the medicine or go deeper into fertility treatments. It took us about 3 years to conceive our son. It seems when you want to get pregnant, it's very difficult! so glad you have the 3 beauties now.
  9. What a beautiful post about God's grace... He truly does know the desires of our hearts. I praise Him that you were able to have three beautiful children. I have friends going through a similar situation and I am going to share your story with them... it is so encouraging and full of hope. wonderfully written.
  10. ModernMom says:
    My sister is struggling with this right now. My heart aches for her as she and her Hubby are trying to decide what is best for them, which gamble to take, what money to spend, if they can handle the next emotional hurdel. Thanks for posting this, it helps me to have mmore insight into what she is going through...
  11. Katie's Dailies says:
    Beautiful words for such a beautiful outcome. My brother and his wife struggled through this 12 years ago, and finally had a daughter. She's funny, gorgeous and taller than me now. Going through health class back in jr. high made it sound so easy to get pregnant when it really is hard work and sometimes a struggle. Happy you persevered.
  12. Joann Mannix says:
    Such a poignant post. And it is only when you walk down that path of frustration and heartache, do you know.

    I, too, struggled with infertility. Luckily, I was diagnosed with hormonal issues but, even knowing the source, I still struggled to conceive with each of my 3 girls. Congratulations on your beautiful family. It doesn't matter how they come to us, they all come from God's hands.
  13. Heather says:
    So sweet and so sad.
  14. What an inspiring story, I think, full of hope and life to others with the same struggle.
  15. We had the same infertility troubles. 2 years of trouble and all it took was one IUI to get our little one. Then, thinking I couldn't possibly get pregnant on my own making birth control just seem silly, we got pregnant on our own. It's amazing how things always work out in the end. Congratulations on your beautiful success story!
  16. So very touching Natalie...Your kiddos are truly made out of love!!!
  17. Yay!! I am so glad it all worked out. I was rooting for you! Family really is where it is at! So glad you got to bring beautiful children into your family!
  18. Mrs.Mayhem says:
    I am so glad you were blessed with 3 beautiful children. We struggled with infertility also, and I thank God everyday for my children (even though sometimes they make me want to tear my hair out!).
  19. Glad to have found your blog through the Blog Party. I stuggled with infertility and thankfully Clomid worked and we have an amazing 8 month old son. They said that most likely my body would "reset" itself and I would be able to get pregnant on my own next time. Well that doesn't seem to be the case. The original problems pre-baby are back. We aren't ready to give in and go get help yet but will most likely be returning to the dr. for some help within the next year. So glad you were able to have such an amazing family. Infertility is a very hard struggle and made me so jealous and depressed that I hated who I became for a while do to infertility.
  20. Natalie, that was beautiful and heart-rending. I can't even imagine how it would feel to have five years of trying behind you only to find there was nothing "medically" wrong. That seems like one of those situations where you'd want to find a problem so that you'd have something to fix.

    God is great, and I'm so glad he blessed you with three children. Thank you for sharing this with us.
  21. Natalie!! So well written. Infertility is such a beast...leaving people in so much pain. I am thankful that your story had a beautiful ending. And my heart hurts for those whose ending isn't so happy!
  22. Ooh! So sad yet sweet. I think it's great that you view yourselves as the lucky ones when you consider those who haven't had luck with treatments or don't have the funds to even try.
  23. Natalie, I too think about all those who want children and are struggling with infertility issues. It saddens me tremendously to personally know two women I consider friends. I also had "issues" but thankfully have been blessed as have you. There's just no guarantee and the emotional roller coaster of it all is beyond belief.
  24. The Empress says:
    Pleasure to meet you~
    Sometimes, we just want our pain to have a voice, you know?

    That's why I love to read these types of posts.

    I hear you.
  25. Double Wide Mom says:
    thank you for sharing your heart. You're a special woman with a very special family.
  26. Christine says:
    Hey! Stopping by for the d listed party.

    This is a GREAT post. I'm so glad you were successful!! I pray for people who have to go through this. It's so unfair that so many people do and yet there's people who have kids and are just awful to their children. So sad. :(
  27. WhisperingWriter says:
    What a fantastic post. I'm glad you were able to have your children.
  28. Beautiful story, thank you for sharing your pain, frustration and love with us. I always tell LMW that he was made from scratch, but what I mean, of course is love... Just like your monsters, I mean children. xoxo
  29. Anonymous says:
    i am struggling in the same path of infertility.i am diagnosed with pcos and undergoing treatment, but no success yet. but it is sooooooooooo scary. when i get up in morning ,i don't know what to think ..i am scared , upset sad. when i see my friends with children ,i am happy for them, but i am sad for myself and my husband. i want to talk to people about it but i am unable to talk to any one and it leaves me bottled up.
  30. Natalie says:
    Anonymous - I understand, I do. If you swing by here again, please feel free to email me!! I would be happy to listen (to your words).

    Sending you hugs :)

    natalieblogs@hotmail.com
  31. Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip says:
    I'm so sorry you went through so much to have your sweet babies, but glad you were able to get preggers in the end. Even with the medicine. It is amazing how much we will do to have these precious souls join our lives. And also situations like this and other hardships make us realize how very very special and magical they really are. (Even if they can still be monsters sometimes. Hee hee.)
  32. Mama Kat says:
    What blessings you have now! I'm so glad you made the choices you made!