How To Get Pregnant: Crazy Things I Did While Trying To Get Knocked Up

How To Get Pregnant:Crazy Things I Did While Trying To Get Knocked Up.If you have ever had to "try" to get pregnant, you know that you do some crazy things!

If you have ever had to “try” to get knocked up, then you have also probably tried some pretty crazy things to help the process along. Things like standing on your head (done it) and peeing on sticks to tell you when you are most fertile (done that, too). Those are the two most common ones, I think. But what about the other crazy things people try? Here is the How To Get Pregnant – Funny (read: crazy) Edition.

How To Get Pregnant

(Or 7 Ways Not To Get Pregnant)

My Milkshakes Bring All The Sperm To The Yard

How about drinking milkshakes to increase your chances of conceiving? Apparently calcium aids in conception.

They are often referred to as “Fertility Milkshakes.” I drank them like they were going out of style when I was trying to get pregnant. While they are supposed to be made with all natural, organic ingredients, I just went through In N’ Out and grabbed one every day for a week, every month. Probably not as helpful as those all natural ones.

Good for fertility, not so much for the size of my ass.

Sippin’ On Gin and…Robitussin?

Anybody ever sip on Robitussin like it was a cocktail? Yep, I did this one too.

Robitussin aids in fertility because it improves the quality of your cervical mucus. It gets more slippery, which makes it easier for the sperm to move around in there. Didn’t work for me, but then again, when you are desperate you’ll try anything.

Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Except for You, Babe)

My husband loved this one…not. Missionary style only. No saliva, toys, fingers, or anything else anywhere near the nether regions.

We didn’t want to “contaminate” the area and make the possibility of his soldiers getting in there alive any more difficult than it had to be. Sex became a job; it was not for pleasure.

Loco Legs

I know I mentioned standing on your head as one of those crazy things that people do, but did I mention how long I would leave my legs propped up against the wall? At least an hour, sometimes longer.

The only thing that this accomplished was that I would lose all feeling in my legs and stumble around like I was drunk after I tried to get up. Talk about sexy.

Got A Black Magic Woman

A friend of mine suggested seeing a Curandera, or a medicine woman who would rub herbs and special oils and waters on my belly and say what I understood to be a prayer over it. She said it worked for her.

But to be honest I actually never tried this one; I booked the appointment and chickened out at the last minute.

Livin’ On A Prayer

I prayed to Fertility Gods, literally.

There are a bunch of them out there: St. Gerard – the Catholic Patron Saint of Motherhood (is it weird to anybody else that they chose a man for this?), Kokopelli – the Native American fertility deity, Aphrodite – the Greek goddess of fertility, and Aditi – the Hindu goddess of fertility.

Sexing with the Stars

Yep. A friend sent me to a website that showed how the lunar cycles and astrology can help you get pregnant. Even I had to roll my eyes at this one!

There are so many more crazy things people do. Feng Shui, rubbing pregnant women’s bellies, eating or drinking certain (very weird) concoctions, rubbing minerals and crystals on your body, and more. People will really do just about anything to get knocked up.

What crazy things did you do when you were trying to conceive?


Why We Decided To Use Cord Blood Banking

Disclosure: I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for the Cord Blood Registry. I received promotional item to thank me for my participation.

Cord blood stem cells are immature cells that can become other kinds of cells that form organs and tissues. Here is information about why you should consider banking your child's cord blood.

While I was pregnant with Ethan, my OB/GYN asked us if we had considered cord blood banking Ethan’s stem cells that would come from the umbilical cord. I immediately said no after he mentioned the cost. But then I started thinking that I should probably know more about it if he was recommending it.

What Is Cord Blood?

Did you know that stem cells from cord blood and other sources has been used to treat more than 1 million people? It’s amazing stuff, and you need to know more about it.

Cord blood stem cells are immature cells that can become other kinds of cells that form organs and tissues. These cells are literally the building blocks of the body. After a baby is born and the umbilical cord has been clamped and cut, some cord blood remains in the blood vessels of the placenta and the attached portion of the umbilical cord. This cord blood is rich in powerful blood-forming stem cells.

Cord blood stem cells from the umbilical cord, can be used to treat conditions that may affect your child now or down the road. Cord blood stem cells have been used in the treatment of more than 80 conditions, including certain cancers, blood disorders, immune deficiencies, and metabolic disorders.

Cord blood stem cells are immature cells that can become other kinds of cells that form organs and tissues. Here is information about why you should consider banking your child's cord blood.

Cord Blood Registry, or CBR, the company that we have all of our children’s cord blood saved with, has established FDA-regulated clinical trials using cord blood stem cells in regenerative medicine. CBR has conducted groundbreaking clinical trials investigating serious medical conditions, including:
• Autism: Sutter Neuroscience Institute
• Cerebral palsy: Georgia Regents University
• Pediatric stroke: Florida Hospital for Children
• Traumatic brain injury: University of Texas Health Science Center

Most umbilical cords are discarded at birth because new parents don’t know their value or are not fully aware of their options for preserving them. Less than ten percent of parents choose to bank their child’s cord blood today. I believe it’s simply because information about it may be mentioned to expecting parents, but since it’s a relatively new thing and there’s not a whole lot of talk about it, parents don’t understand how invaluable the cord blood really is.

Check out this mom’s story and why she was happy to have that invaluable cord blood.

How Does Cord Blood Banking Work?

CBR offers the collection, processing, and long-term cryopreservation of stem cells found in the umbilical cord blood of newborns, which is otherwise routinely discarded along with the placenta. You also have the option of storing a section of the umbilical cord as well, which is rich in different kinds of stem cells than those found in the cord blood itself. We chose to do this for all three of our children – we consider it an insurance of sorts; just in case something happens to the kids.

So how do you get the cord blood from the baby to CBR? They provide a kit that is crush-resistant, temperature-protected, and electronically tracked collection kit. This unique kit contains everything your doctor needs to collect cord blood. On average, the transport time for stem cells from the hospital to CBR’s lab is about 19 hours. A private medical courier service with 30 years of experience transports the collection kit. Once you have the baby, there’s really nothing that you have to do except sign off on a form saying that it’s your baby’s cord blood and that you are approving the transport and storage.

And it’s not only your child that could use those cells – siblings, and in some cases parents, may be a match to using the cells in regenerative therapies. You might not need it now, but you may need the cord blood down the line.

Information To Consider When Deciding If Cord Blood Banking Is Right For You

CBR provided some extremely important information that I felt strongly I should share for those of you considering cord blood banking.

• Consider the future: Regenerative medicine is a new approach to treatment focused on promoting normal function in the human body through cell based therapies in which stem cells play a vital role. In fact, many believe that regenerative medicine will revolutionize healthcare. Emerging research suggest that stem cells from cord blood have advantages over other stem cell sources in regenerative therapies. The clinical use of stem cells has grown each year, increasing the likelihood that you or a member of your family could benefit from the newborn stem cells you bank.

• Know your family history: Does your family have a history of illnesses for which newborn stem cells are currently being used or studied? Do those health conditions run in families? If so, you may well benefit from banking cord blood for the conditions treated today, but importantly, for conditions that are currently being studied through clinical research.

• Know your options: The primary options for cord blood banking are to store your stem cells with a family bank or to donate to a public bank.
o Family banking offers parents storage for cord blood stem cells for the family’s exclusive use. This typically includes a one-time processing fee and annual storage fees but gives parents access to these stem cells if needed. Free family banking is available through Cord Blood Registry for families with a medical need. Investigate your options for family banking as not all cord blood banks store cord blood in the same manner or offer the same services.
o Public donation lets parents donate stem cells at no cost to possibly help someone in need. While you may be able to access your donation if you need it, there is no guarantee that your donation will be available to you.

• Talk to your doctor: If you think cord blood banking is something you’d like to do, it is important to discuss it with your physician or childbirth educator. They will help you sort through your options and will also work with you to ensure you have what is needed at the time of delivery for a smooth collection.

You can find more information at, and I encourage you to check it out! A Place For Just Moms

Do you ever wish you could go somewhere to hang out with other moms? A place to ask questions, a place to ask for advice about mom stuff? A place to celebrate or maybe even sometimes complain about all that comes with being a mom? Well let me introduce you to is for moms at all stages of motherhood. It’s a place for us to support each other and make our (which are often time very long) days a little happier. It’s a place to share our stories, ask for advice, share news, like, comment, find friends and talk to each other. It’s a place for moms to talk without any labels – “breast-feeding mom,” “young mom”, “mom with twins” … Is just Mom not enough to say it all?

If you are looking for or want to share advice, Moms Expertise is the place to do it. Ask about anything and everything for advice on children of all ages, or even about everything that goes along with being a mom: feelings, struggles, laughs…you name it, people are talking about it.

And if you need a mommy time out, sure you could fantasize about all the ways to spend a mommy time out, or you could head over to and create a Mommy Moment. They can be proud moments, sharing exciting news, or in my case, a funny moment that other moms can relate to.

A review of the site. It is for moms at all stages of motherhood and to help make our (which are often time very long) days a little happier.

I think would be a huge help to new or first time moms. It’s a safe place to go without having to feel weird for asking those weird questions. You know, those ones about baby poop and the crazy things that happen to your body before, during, and after having a baby.

So head over and sign up to join. It’s free. And once you are there, create a mommy moment of your own to share!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of The opinions and text are all mine.

What To Expect When You Are Struggling With Infertility: Shame

If you’ve been reading Mommy of a Monster for any length of time, you know I’m pretty much an open book. There’s not a whole lot that I don’t talk about…it’s the same as when you meet me in real life. One thing I’ve talked about a lot often on my blog is our 6-year struggle with infertility before we finally used fertility treatments like IUI and IVF to get pregnant. We were lucky. Others are not so lucky.

I’ve been open about how infertility makes a woman feel..I talked about infertility jealousy at Scary Mommy’s and how we used to joke about “we just don’t do it right.” I have talked about how we didn’t want to “buy a baby” which is why we waited so long to try fertility treatments.

But things I have never written about are the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and guilt that accompany infertility.


I didn’t know anybody who was dealing with the same issues when I was going through the hurt and month-after-month heartache of not being able to conceive. I come from a long line of very Fertile Myrtle’s, and it never occurred to me that I might not get pregnant after just a few months of trying.

I talked to lots and lots and lots of doctors and nurses who sympathized with our situation, but not one of them ever mentioned to me that I might feel like less of a woman for not being able to do what my body was designed to do: bear children. None of them told me that feeling ashamed and guilty was part of the process…normal.

Having people ask questions became embarrassing to answer. The looks of sadness and pity when I explained our situation became unbearable.

Talking About Infertility Shame At

When you are struggling with infertility, lots of people tell you about lots of things. The one thing nobody talks about is the shame that goes with it.

When asked me to guest post, I immediately thought of writing about infertility shame to let others who are currently dealing with infertility know what to expect. Because I wish someone would have told me.

After finally conceiving, I made the decision to openly discuss infertility with anybody who wanted to hear about it or was willing to listen. Because knowledge is power. And I think when you know what to expect – especially the bad stuff – it makes it somewhat easier to deal with.

Now I talk to friends and friends of friends about it. Sometimes they are dealing with infertility or someone close to them is. Either way, knowing the process and understanding the different terms and procedures helps.

I have friends currently going through infertility and even secondary infertility (meaning they were able to have a child/children and then couldn’t conceive again) who know what I am talking about. It is for them that I shared my words.

So head over to and read my words if you are so inclined. And I urge you to read and share my post about infertility shame if you or anybody that you know has or is dealing with infertility. Infertility is still somewhat of a taboo subject to talk about , and I want you to help me change that.

11 And Pregnant: Just Another Thing I Can’t Wrap My Brain Around

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil last week called Pregnant at 11. When she was 11 years old, Hope became pregnant with her then 13-year-old boyfriend Bailey’s child. Hope and Bailey seemed like normal and very immature kids (Dr. Phil interviewed them, but didn’t show their faces.)


The baby was born prematurely but survived. Ashlynn is now 7 months old, and living with Hope’s aunt. Hope sees the baby a couple of times a week.

Dr. Phil also had on Hope and Bailey’s parents. They all seemed like nice middle class people, although all the parents kept doing was pointing fingers at each other. And throughout the whole hour, I just kept thinking: How in the hell did this happen?

I’m not naive, I know it happens far too often all over the world. I know that some parents don’t care and let their kids run wild. I know kids can be very sneaky and get away with a lot of things without their parents knowing. But it was still shocking to me to hear how it all unfolded.

Part of what was so shocking was that the parents were arguing over whose fault it was. Hope’s mother was arguing with her ex-husband’s new girlfriend about who knew Hope was pregnant first and didn’t do anything about it. Too late at that point, folks. You are way past that making a difference now. Where were you when your little girl was getting busy?

The bigger question to me is how in the hell did an 11 year old that had a boyfriend – and whose parents knew about – even have the opportunity to be alone with him so that she could be in a position to get pregnant?

Apparently Hope was friends with Bailey’s sister and would be alone with him while there. Did everybody just think it was a little-kid crush? Nobody took it seriously? Ethan tells me the little girl down the street is his girlfriend, but I know that he doesn’t even understand what that really means. I don’t think it’s time for me to have “the sex talk” with him.


Here are some other things that made my head spin…

When talking to Dr. Phil, Hope said she hadn’t been worried about getting pregnant because she didn’t think she was old enough to get pregnant. Of course she didn’t! She probably didn’t even know what sex was. I can’t even say that her parents aren’t wrong for not having “the sex talk” with her. But Bailey was 13. He should have at least known what they were doing and the potential consequences.

They said that they did it 6 times, under a bridge near Bailey’s home. They didn’t use any protection, though Bailey knew what it was and had been told about protection. Dr. Phil did mention Bailey is autistic, but then maybe they should have been supervising him more if they were worried he was unable to make proper decisions, care for himself, etc.

They are not together anymore. The whirlwind romance puttered out after the baby was born. 

And I just keep thinking that my girls will be 11 in seven.frickin.years. I have a niece who is 12 and nowhere near mature enough to be considering having sex. These thoughts disgust me.

From this show I learned that as a mom, I need to constantly be on my game. I need to make sure the kids all understand at a very young age what sex is, and its consequences. That they shouldn’t be doing it. That they aren’t old enough to be considering it even. I need to be realistic about the world they are growing up in, and make sure that I am helping them develop strong morals and values and self worth.

Sometimes, this whole parenting thing is really scary.

After writing this post, I wrote 5 Tips for Talking To Kids About Sex. It will help with children of all ages, and includes what topics to discuss at what ages.

photo source: blmurch via flickr