Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be. Today, I’m so excited to welcome Cameron from Cameron D. Garriepy!

To say that Cameron can write would be a huge understatement. Some people have an amazing way with words – they can make you feel what they are writing about instead of just reading it – and Cameron definitely does that. She’s also a mom, and a lovely friend.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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So Passed A Day

When Natalie initially invited me to share a Mothering Moment, I thought of several big, crucial moments and some upcoming events that I might want to talk about after they’d come and gone.

Somehow, they all felt contrived.

The truth of my mothering is in the seemingly meaningless moments. Like the ones happening while I type.

I am sitting across from my son while we eat lunch. He’s having American cheese on whole wheat, carrot sticks, and chocolate milk. He eats this same lunch 5 days out of 7. He pronounced my leftover gnocchi in vodka cream sauce with shrimp and asparagus, “gross.” He’s only just starting to use that particular word instead of “yucky,” and I am less than thrilled. He desperately needs a haircut, and despite the fact that it’s 55 degrees and cloudy, he insists I let him go out to play before his nap.

He’s 4 and a half, and he still naps.

After a quick step away from my computer to get his coat down for him, he puts his Curious George rain boots down on the floor. “Right way, Mama?” he asks.

I’m not even surprised anymore that they are the right way.

Feet in boots, coat flipped over his head—like they teach you in preschool—and he’s on his way out with the plastic boomarang he got in a party favor bag.

He has a fearsome imagination, no patience, an alarmingly young grasp of sarcasm, and a bossy streak. He gives me kisses and runs into my arms when I pick him up from school.

Sometime later, upstairs getting ready for bed, he wavers between wanting me to brush his teeth for him and demanding that he be left alone to do it himself. “I’m all done!” he says.

“Let me check.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s my job to make sure those little teeth are healthy.”

I pronounce his mouth clean, and he gleefully blows a raspberry, spraying water on the mirror. I playfully swat his little bottom and he zooms off giggling towards his bed.

So passed a day full of small mothering moments, all breezing by while the laptop stayed open on the kitchen table.

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See how lovely her words are? This really got to me because Ethan is the same age and I could “see” him and I going through the same motions. She’s so write – motherhood really is about all those small moments…the ones we rarely remember but are etched into us forever.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other. Now head over to Cameron D. Garriepy and say hello to Cameron. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @CameronGarriepy there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Are you a fan of Scary Mommy? Want to win a copy of Jill’s book? Head over to read my review of Confessions of A Scary Mommy and find out how!

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome SurferWife from A Day In The Life of a SurferWife!

To say that I adore SurferWife is a complete and total understatement. She’s a mom of 2, hilarious, totally real, sexy smart and she’s someone I consider a friend in real life. She also knows a thing or two about social media and helps businesses build their brands at Sunset Social Media Relations. She also let me share a couple of guest posts on her blog about the time I met adult film star Ron Jeremy….not exactly the kind of stuff I normally share here. In short, she’s awesome and I love her.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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My precious, little, filthy pigeon

When I was asked by the lovely founder of Mommy of a Monster and twin daughters to write about a Mom Moment, I hesitated.  I’m not your typical ‘Mom Blogger’ and don’t often write about my kids.  Unless it’s to exploit them on the interwebs because of something ridiculously funny they have done.  Don’t worry.  For every emotionally scarring post I publish about my darling wallet rapers, I put $5 in their ‘Future Therapy Bills’ jar I keep on my bedside.  Let’s be real, that one has more saved in it than their college funds.

Speaking of needing therapy, I decided to lay my own self down on a couch and start babbling incessantly into the open abyss in front of me.  Why do I feel it’s ok to make fun of my beautiful, little darlings in front of the 2 readers that actually read SurferWife.com?  What did these innocent and wonderful creatures ever do but bring me immense joy?

*Insert one of those creeper spinning images here that sitcoms play to represent going back in time.*

March 5, 2002.  I was a wee 24 year old gal, unmarried and naive, counting the hours before popping out a little human being that was created inside my body.  I had ONE friend who had  given birth but she totally didn’t count because she was a mess and it just didn’t count, ok?  In other words, I felt like the pioneer of child birthing amongst my friends.  I had ZERO idea how my life of freedom, partying and care free attitudes would come to a screeching halt when this screeching, little man arrived.

I thought it was going to be all giggles, baby powder farts and cute, little polo onesies.  Nothing scary, bad or gross would happen.  Motherhood was about as easy as beer bonging 4 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Once you practiced a little, it’d become second nature.  No surprises, no gagging, lots of cheers from the crowds around me.

March 5, 2002 at 9:13am–  My sweet and tiny first born, Jason was welcomed to this world.  He cried, I cried.  It was love at first sight.

I WOULD NEVER EXPLOIT THIS CHILD ON THE INTERNETS.  NO SIREE BOB.

March 5, 2002 at 9:14am — Some dumbshit had my precious baby boy over and up above my left shoulder.  Naked.  And the child shit on my shoulder.  Like some filthy pigeon.  One minute on this earth and the kid has put his feces ON MY SHOULDER.

It was that first Moment of being a Mom that I staunchly decided that I would get  even with this pooping little man.  I WOULD CREATE A BLOG THAT HAD VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH MY CHILDREN BUT I WOULD EMBARRASS THEM AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.

Unfortunately for me, Jason is a typical 10 year old boy and just adores this story.  I think he sometimes wishes he could poop on my shoulder now.  Unfortunately for him, I have had so many Mom Moments by now that it wouldn’t really phase me.  But in that first moment of being a mom?  He left an everlasting (and disgusting) impression.

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Yeah…all the things nobody mentions is shocking at first isn’t it? Now, poop, boogers, and other bodily fluids are just par for the course. We seriously need to put together a “real” book about motherhood and sell it to teenagers.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to A Day In The Life of a SurferWife and say hello to SurferWife. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @SurferWife there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

If you are a So Cal Mama, make sure to check out the OCSaverTime widget in my sidebar for deals throughout Orange County!

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome Nicole from moments that define life!

Nicole is mom to three little girls…two of whom are twins. We “get” each other, and she’s been a great support to me. She also has been battling the sickness at her house, which explains why this Mommy Moment is happening on a Friday instead of a Monday. I got to meet Nicole last year at Blissdom, and to say she’s even sweeter in person is an understatement, as is saying that she’s absolutely beautiful! The two of us have become blogging buddies, but even more, friends.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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First of all, let me start off by saying that I adore Natalie. She and I are both mothers of twins that are very nearly the same age and so we can relate on so many levels to the day-to-day chaos that it brings. I was so tickled to meet her at Blogher last year in San Diego. She is the real deal, authentic and genuinely nice person you read here on Mommy of a Monster folks, I can promise you that. The beauty of blogging is the friends you get to make and Natalie has become one of mine.

So onto my “Mommy Moment”. Well, in true Moments that Define Life fashion, I had to go with a list. Because, I’m wordy AND I like a good list. In fact, (enter shameless plug here) I just started a fun little Meme called Listable Life – so I thought I’d run with that theme because for me, it would be difficult to narrow it down to just one Mommy Moment.

5 Defining Mommy Moments {Listable Life}

There are so many moments that define one’s “career” as a mother.

1. The Birth of My First Daughter

What can I say about 31 hours of labor for a first time mother? Labor that seems to go on…and on….and on….{Ahem} Did I mention that I was a week late? Oh…and HUGE. Let’s not forget how huge I was and the fact that it was July so I was sweating in places that I could no longer see. But then, she came, and I forgot about all of that. And, I’m a wimp. I took the drugs, so in all fairness, the 31 hours, was not excruciating the entire time. My husband would remind me about now how I took a nice little nap right before the big ol’ “push time”.

She was a little cherub and I could hardly believe she was mine. That’s what God does you know, he makes them impossible to look away from and not love. At least that’s how I felt. I know some babies aren’t that cute. Mine was. Even with her cone head.

2. Twins

Interesting story this one. We had had a miscarriage prior to the twins. we had told our oldest daughter about that pregnancy right away and then had to explain what happened when the baby “stopped growing”. So, we decided to tell her about this one too. So we went into the dating ultrasound with her in tow. It was a personal family choice. So, since it was so early on, you know, they don’t do the on top of the tummy ultrasound. We had the doc take care of the “business” while we distracted her with having her count a poster of those Anne Geddes babies on the wall. (She was barely four…it worked like a charm – no uncomfortable explanations required)

Us: Jordan, how many babies do you see on that poster over there?

Jordan: I see 1, 2, 3…
Doc: Umm…why don’t you go ahead and count the number of babies on the screen…

enter slow motion movie-like movements of our heads as we turn to the screen and see not one, but TWO babies.

Totally off the radar folks. We meant to have one and the egg split. Well done ladies! Welcome Charlotte & Madison.

And that’s my #2 Whoa nelly! Mommy Moment.

3.The Minivan

After the initial shock of the ultrasound tech’s news wore off about the twins, my second realization, besides the fact that he was concerned we didn’t have a dividing membrane between them (more on that in #4) was that I was going to have to get rid of my cute crossover. I was more than upset. But now, I take it in stride. I rock my van. I refuse to let it define me.

4. The Hospital/NICU

When you set out to be a mother, they don’t tell you that you could end up pregnant with high-risk twins. And when you have your first pregnancy run so smoothly (outside of the ridiculous labor) you kind of take things for granted, ya know? Then, you go and have an egg split late. Then they tell you things like you’ve got a 50% shot of your twins making it. Come again? Oh, and IF they don’t die, you get to be hospitalized for an estimated 6-8 weeks (I made it 5 weeks) followed by them being hospitalized for an undetermined amount of time based on when they deliver. (They were in for 11 weeks). You can’t make this stuff up.

After a journey like that, you’d think I’d have nerves of steal. (Or be in a loony bin) Until #5.

5. The Puke Bra Incident

I know….I know…the catheter while on strict bed rest didn’t do me in. Having the kid puke down my shirt did. I don’t know what to tell you. This past week, we had an epic stomach flu. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never seen more puke, or poo in my gosh forsaken life. We are just now crawling out from underneath that nastiness. It was epic and I almost did not survive it.

So those are just a few of my Mommy Moments. It was so fun to be here at Natalie’s place and share them with her friends so we can all commiserate together, because I know we have all been through our own version of trying days and challenges. Happy Friday!!!

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Oh, the Puke Bra…when Ethan was a baby, he did it at least 4 or 5 times a week after eating. There’s really nothing like it. But bed rest? I could hardly stand modified bed rest – it’s amazing what we’ll do for our children isn’t it?

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to moments that define life and say hello to Nicole. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @MTDLBlog there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Are you a fan of Eyedews? If you don’t know what they are, you’ve gotta check them out! Head over and read all about the Eyedews’ #DateWithEyedews Twitter party going on this afternoon at 1 PST/ 4 EST!

Psst! Guess what?! Spring is right around the corner and Tea Collection has put together the most adorable Spring 2012 Collection designed and influenced by the island of Bali. Shop the new collection now and take advantage of Tea Collection’s 10% off coupon (no minimum required) with promo code SS12SAS valid through 3/31/12. Happy Shopping!

If you are a So Cal Mama, make sure to check out the OCSaverTime widget in my sidebar for deals throughout Orange County!

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome Sili from My Mamihood! Sili is mom to the frog princess and is my kind of people. She roomed with me at Blissdom, and we clicked immediately. She’s funny, sweet, sarcastic and a great friend. You’ll love her.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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Mommy Moments: The Last Nerve Chronicles

The minute the words left my mouth I knew I’d screwed up. What was I thinking?! Did I not realize how this works? I’m an adult for goodness’ sakes! I know all about “the jinx”.

Last week I made the mistake of uttering the following words out loud “I really haven’t had the experience of a lot of moms where I want to be away from my child.”

I got back from BlissDom around midnight and as soon as my girl kissed me on the nose to wake me on Monday morning, I felt a change in the atmospheric pressure in the room. She smiled sweetly but, something had changed.

Oh Em Gee! Where was my sweet natured frog princess? It appears that the jinx worked this way: as soon as I said the words, the ghosts of mamis past united and transformed my baby into a poster child for the terrible twos.  This past week I have had to say her name no less than 3,000 times (keeping count is the only thing that’s been calming my nerves).  The words “no” and “don’t you hear me calling?” have left my mouth more in this last week than in my entire 36 years of life combined.  And I’ve had to add “DO NOT snort the bath water!” and “why didn’t you tell me you had to go potty?” more times than I care to admit.

It certainly didn’t help that the cold I left her with attacked me as soon as I returned. So, not only did I have a child that seemed to not understand the words that were coming out of my mouth (in English OR Spanish) but a head full of snot, headaches, fevers and the inability to get any rest made the situation a perfect storm for the following: the chick LIVED on my last nerve this week.

And by lived I mean: everything she didn’t do annoyed me. And so did everything she did do.  Every time I turned around and she cried or whined (which is unlike her), every incident where she felt the need to stomp and cross her arms because she didn’t want to do something (excuse me? Do you know who I am?!?) and every. Single. Time. when I would call her name and was ignored. She would land, carefree, on my last nerve as a butterfly lands softly on a beautiful spring flower. To me it felt like a ton of bricks hit me on the back of the head.

After each landing I’d hear the ghosts of mamis past laughing at me and saying: HA! That’ll teach you! I wanted nothing but to jump in my 4Runner, book a hotel room and cry until I fell asleep (after eating room service and drinking a couple of glasses of wine).

But then, one night as I teared up while we were facing one another in bed from the sheer sickness and exhaustion, it happened. I saw her. My sweet frog princess. The girl that at 15 months hugged me and rubbed my back minutes after my mami took her last breath.  The child whose giggles and shrieks as she runs around naked on the bed after bathtime, refusing to get caught, make me break out with giggles of my own in spite of her having trampolined on my last nerve.

She looked at me sweetly and in her “I’ve been here befo’ ” voice said “awww, mama!” in the sing song voice that only a child with this much compassion can muster.  She followed it up by placing her hand on my head and rubbing it just as my mami used to. Then, she put both hands on my cheeks, smiled and said “There. Feel bedda.” It wasn’t a question.  And man, was she right.

When not pretending she’s a freelance writer to her family and friends (who have no idea what she does all day long on “her blog”, Facebook or Twitter) Sili is busy rearing and shaping her 2 year old frog princess into a natural born leader (read: she’s bossy and she gets it from her mami).  She is also preoccupied with trying to keep one Chico Albus Mendes (aka @TheDogDivo) away from peeing on her ridiculous collection of shoes and books. Sili wants world peace and a good glass of wine. And, whatever those two things might lead to. Read more of Sili’s writing on her blog My Mamihood.

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Yep, I know all about the jinx! And the terrible twos. I know exactly what you mean. It’s funny how kids always happily surprise us when we need it most, isn’t it?

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to My Mamihood and say hello to Sili. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @mymamihood there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Psst! Guess what?! Spring is right around the corner and Tea Collection has put together the most adorable Spring 2012 Collection designed and influenced by the island of Bali. Shop the new collection now and take advantage of Tea Collection’s 10% off coupon (no minimum required) with promo code SS12SAS valid through 3/31/12. Happy Shopping!

Welcome to another Mommy Moment! If you’re not sure what it is, head over and read all about how Mommy Moments at the Monster came to be.

Today, I’m so excited to welcome Jessica from My Time As Mom! Jessica is mom to two beautiful “insane” (her word, not mine!) little girls, is one of the masterminds behind Vlog Talk AND is one of the mixologists at one of my fave sites: One Martini at a time . I love her honesty and her sarcasm. And I got to see her again at Blissdom (we first met at BlogHer 11) and we had a blast!

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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The Monster Came Out Behind The Dresser 

There is always a battle in my house regarding my oldest daughter’s bedroom. Her standards of clean are far different from what my husband and I think are clean.

Daily we have to remind her to make her bed, put away her laundry, and to pick up the junk.

However, I’ve never really pushed her to keep up on her room because in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t harm any of us to have her room unkempt. It’s just an eyesore and I’m kind of a whatever parent.

But…one day, she lost her beloved iPod and asked me to help her find it. Naturally I told her to clean her room before I would help her.

Five minutes later she informs me the room is clean and the iPod is still missing.

I enter her room ready to start mission find the lost device. The carpet was visible and the bed was made so the room appeared to be picked up.

The first place I looked was under her bed. Only thing I found was a pair of boots.

Next, I looked behind her bookshelf because small iPods can easily fall behind furniture. To my surprise, I found pens, hair clips, books, and more in the small gap between bookshelf and wall.

My search then led me to behind her dresser.

That’s when the mommy monster moment began.

Dozens of white pieces of papers were strewn about behind the dresser along with a clipboard and other miscellaneous pieces of crap. I looked at the papers and they were my daughter’s extra homework worksheets that she is supposed to do everyday after school.

The same worksheets that I had spent a lot of time and money copying for her.

To say I lost it is an understatement.

I flipped out.

Yelling, screaming, pointing to various parts of the room that I was unhappy with (which was pretty much all of it at this point).

Shouting, I told her every part of her room that had to be clean and that when I did find her iPod it was mine until that room was verified clean by me.

Tears burst out of her eyes as my anger unloaded.

I felt guilty as I was exploding but I couldn’t stop.

Finally I was able to close my mouth, get up from the floor and leave the room closing the door behind me.

I found the iPod 30 seconds later and placed it on the charger and took many deep breaths.

After she finished cleaning her room she came to see me.

There were no words exchanged between the two of us for our actions. Instead she got the iPod back and we acted like nothing had happened.

However, I know the event left a scar on both of us.

I just hope her scar is big enough for her to remember not to shove stuff behind her dresser anymore.
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Thanks for sharing, Jessica! I have SO been there – when flipping out doesn’t even begin to describe my behavior. And it’s funny that those seem to be the times that there’s just an understanding about what happened between you and your child.

There’s no manual out there for what we do, so sharing stories like this helps us all learn from each other.

Now head over to My Time As Mom and say hello to Jessica. If you are a Twitter addict, you can find @mytimeasmom there, and on facebook, too! And if you are a new follower, make sure to tell her that I sent you!

Looking for a good book to read? Check out my review of The Legacy of Eden by Nelle Davy for your chance to win a copy!

I’m so excited to announce that the new Chiquita Moms Community that I am writing at is now LIVE!! Head over to ChiquitaMoms.com and check it out!

Psst! Guess what?! Spring is right around the corner and Tea Collection has put together the most adorable Spring 2012 Collection designed and influenced by the island of Bali. Shop the new collection now and take advantage of Tea Collection’s 10% off coupon (no minimum required) with promo code SS12SAS valid through 3/31/12. Although I love the entire collection below are a few of my absolute favorites!

I absolutely adore the Dancing Fern Dress. The colors and design make this the perfect dress for a school picture or a casual family gathering. Boys will love the Monkey King Tee inspired by the Ramayana Monkey Chant dance in Bali. Don’t worry moms! Tea Collection has even designed a Bali collection for women and I love the Artisan Ikat Tunic. It’s lightweight and goes perfect with a pair of jeans.

Be sure to check out the entire Bali Collection. Happy Shopping!