Because You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up

So the other day I wrote a post for SmartMomStyle.com about skin cancer facts and myths. As I wrote it, I was reminded of my own lily white skin and how it was time for my annual check up with my dermatologist to check out all of my moles and freckles. And that reminded me of the first time I met my dermatologist, Dr. X (name may have been changed to protect the innocent). Don’t click away! I’m telling you, this story is worth it…

I was in my late 20’s when this happened. Why did I have to go see Dr. X? I had a suspicious mole and a weird freckle that I was worried about. I initially went to my primary care physician who then referred me to Dr. X “just to be sure” there was nothing wrong with them. The only thing I knew about Dr. X is that he was male.

Location of these two skin issues is key to the story. The freckle is on my right boob. You can’t really see it unless I wear a low cut tank top or bathing suit. To see it, I’d have to pull my bra away from my skin, with the possibility of exposing nipple. I wasn’t too worried about anybody checking that one out.

But the other one? The aforementioned mole? A little more dicey of a location with that one. You know where your leg meets the trunk of your body…AKA your crotch area? Well, it was there…except closer to my vajay-jay than to my  thigh. To show it to someone else, I had to hike one leg up behind my ear, porn style. Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but probably not too damn far from the truth.

I get to the office, fill out my paperwork, wait my turn, and end up in an examination room wearing a paper gown. I waited for not too long, and then in walks Dr. X. Dr. X is not your typical doctor. He wasn’t old…maybe late 30’s or early 40’s, and he was handsome…in a geeky, shy boy way, but still handsome.

He walks in, introduces himself and goes over my medical history, and I’m pretty sure I was 20 shades of red because I knew what was coming. I was gonna have to show him my private personal parts and a boob. Awesome.

We started with the boob. I was in a paper gown, remember. With no bra on. So in order to see the freckle, he had to see the whole rack. Awesome. Although on the bright side, nothing was wrong with the freckle.

“So you have a mole you are concerned with…where is that one?”

“Well, it’s kinda on my leg but really more in my crotch area.”

“Okay, let’s take a look.”

So I spread my leg away from my other leg (I did have on my underwear) and try to show him without giving him a money shot.

“Um, okay…I can’t really see it. How about if you scoot down a little and drop your leg so that it rests on the table.”

Awesome. I did as I was told. He gets closer, and pushes my leg back a little further. He is all up in my business at this point.

Then he says the worst possible thing he could.

“Well, it does look irregular in shape and it’s pretty dark in color. I think we are going to have to remove it.”

And so he does. He has to numb it, cut it out, and then care for the wound. All less than an inch away from my business. It’s one thing to have an old, frumpy doctor ripping babies out of your business. But to have a handsome, young doctor — who really isn’t used to seeing skin abnormalities in that area of the body — do it? Yeah, a little embarrassing.

Wait…I know you want to know how this story ends, and you’ll be happy to know that the mole came back as benign. Thanks for asking 😉

Side note: Dr. X is still my dermatologist. I think both of us are embarrassed everytime we see each other.

Comments

  1. I have two moles in the same place. I am going to search far and wide to find a very old, very unattractive dermatologist.

  2. That is HYSTERICAL! I always go in for checkups and still feel weird when my (female) Doc is looking around for spots… everywhere. Yowza.

  3. Oh, I would have been mortified! Why do we always get the attractive doctors for the most embarrassing appointments, but the old guys at the regular no-clothing-needs-removed check-ups? Lol

  4. ACK!!!!!! Glad it was benign.

    I would have been mortified pre-child, but after giving birth, all sorts of inhibitions have dropped.

    Having said that, I’ve never had a good looking doctor treat me. :)

  5. ok, so that is hilarious. I hate the whole awkwardness in doctors offices! Especially breast exams! So glad it was benign, and hey without stories like this nobody would have anything to blog about! :)

  6. Ha ha, sry for laughing but this is just hillarious. I know the feeling of embarrassment, i hade a doctor poking around my intestines from the back-end…Only to one week later realize he was our new surgeon on the ward i’m working. Nice first time i had to say hello to him and all he said was “I remember you”… :)
    I’m glad your scare was benign.

  7. So he was kinda a mix of Doogie Howser and Mc. Dreamy?

  8. I was once a bit embarassed to visit a hot dermatologist for an odd, though routine, visit, until my mom reminded me that any doctor who has chosen to stare at acne all day really can’t be that hot. I went into the appointment completely sure of myself and unembarassed.

  9. My cheeks are burning for you right now.

  10. I am feeling uncmfortable for you! I have a few girlfriends who go to the same OB/GYN, and there is a very young, very attractive doctor on staff. Not so fun in the theros of labor 😉

  11. Awe Natalie. Glad it at least turned out ok and you’re fine now. Saves a few extra trips and more awkward moments. (LoL)

  12. I think I would have been a little more embarrassed about the boob thing since you had undies on and you had to completely expose them. When I was 19 or 20 I had a lump about 1/2 an inch from my nipple. Same kind of deal, the doc checking me out was younger and handsome. It was my first time being examined by a male. I was pretty shy and modest. I was very uncomfortable! I had to have surgery to have it removed. We had to talk about a scar and him trying to get it as close to my nipple as he could so it wouldn’t be shown if I was wearing a bathing suit. Yeah, awkward!
    I’m glad everything turned out fine!! Mine did too, btw.

  13. Ha!!

    My gynecologist is very young and handsome in the same geeky, shy guy way. I was so surprised when I met him for the first time…and embarrassed. Thank goodness he’s such a great doctor and guy. That awkwardness has mostly subsided.

  14. I have a story like this…sort of, when I was in my early 20’s I got a VERY BAD sunburn and my mom was working inside a hospital at the time, managing a treatment center, she brought me in and brought a very handsome and very young (prob in his late 20’s ) resident inside her office to take a look at my chest. Uh-hum. I’m always had these babies and instead of being demure about it an pulling my shirt down for him, yep, I pulled it up from the bottom exposing myself and putting my boobies right in his face.

    My mom still tells that story and often reminds me that he asked for my number. Dear God, I have no modesty.

    thanks for the trip down memory lane and for sharing that story, you’re right sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up 😉

  15. It reminds me of a sketch on Saturday Night Live: Mel Gibson is the “Dream Gynecologist.” Well, Mel’s loopy now and old. How ’bout Hugh Jackman?

  16. OMG this so reminds me of my first pap smear. I was 19 and VERY NAIVE. I was actually in the hospital ready to have my tonsils out for crying out loud when they decided a pap was required before the surgery. I was actually in the stirrups when the hottiest doctor came in to do the exam. There was one problem….still had my undies on! I was so embarrassed!

  17. Oh my god! So embarrassing. Nothing like getting right down to business when you’re getting acquainted with someone.

  18. I am just rolling on the floor laughing here. Glad it ended up being okay. My daughter’s orthodontist is so damn hot it makes me giddy every time I see him. It’s hard to look him in the eye and not blush. There is something to be said for older, unattractive doctors.

  19. Although awkward, I’m so glad that you went to have it looked at. So much better to be safe than sorry no matter how weird it is!

    And, to make you feel better – I live in a small town and I seen my OBGYN in public constantly. He always calls me by first name – incredibly polite, but I can’t help but think the whole time I’m looking at him, ‘He has seen my junk! How weird is this?!’ Haha!

  20. Ugh! I feel for you. Not long after I was married, I went to the dermatologist about rash across my abdomen. He was so HOT that I got flustered and pulled my bra up along with my shirt and totally flashed him. Unlike you, I did my follow up appointment with another derma. :)