4:53 AM: The Time I Vowed That The Stomach Flu Is A Mother Eff-er

quarantine_sign On Monday, I told you that I was sick of all the kids being sick all the time. It’s happened every winter since I started blogging, so I don’t know why it irritates me, but it does. We took them to the doctor on Monday morning, and got these prognosis’:

Ethan: Upper respiratory infection, sinus infection, ear infection, and conjuctivitis in both eyes.

Mia: Bronchitis, sinus infection, and conjunctivitis in both eyes.

Lila: Just a cold. Doesn’t mean she won’t get as sick as the other two, but so far, so good (though she did pick up conjunctivitis as a bonus).

Here’s an interesting tidbit: If you’re kids have runny noses, do whatever you can to make sure they don’t rub their booger noses and then their eyes. That’s how they get conjuctivitis (AKA pink eye).

So yeah, the Hoage home has been quarantined. And a lot of fun.

And then yesterday morning at about 1:00 AM when I was sleeping on the floor in the twin’s room in between all the sick kids, my stomach started feeling icky and crampy. I ran to the bathroom and hurled. Again and again. Then started hurling from both ends. At the same time. That stomach flu is a bitch, isn’t it?

I thought I could tough it out and didn’t mention anything to Jason when he went to work. I was wrong.

I called Jason home from work because there was no way I could deal with the kids alone. I slept all afternoon. And at about 5 PM  I got up to try to eat something. And that’s when Ethan starting throwing up.

He threw up off and on until 10:30 PM when he was literally throwing up every 10 minutes for 2 hours. We decided that I’d sleep downnstairs on the couch with all the kids (we have a big U-shaped couch and were able to spread out) just in case anybody else got sick. Finally around 2 AM, Ethan stopped throwing up. I got to sleep uninterrupted until 4:53 AM when Mia threw up all over the place, without notice.

Have you ever had a two year old with the stomach flu? How awful it is to watch them throw up nothing because there’s nothing left in their tummies? To try to explain to them as they are doubled over in pain why their tummy won’t stop hurting? Why they can’t have milk? How you have to tell them you can’t make them feel better when they are begging you to?

I have always hated getting the stomach flu and have said I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The stomach flu is a horrendous way to suffer. That’s why at 4:53 AM on a Wednesday I decided that the stomach flu is a Mother Fucker. The Devil. The Military should use it as a Weapon of War.

The only two people who haven’t caught it yet are Lila and Mia. Keyword there being yet.

Yesterday I tweeted this: “Downside: I have the stomach flu and am praying for death. Upside: I’ve probably already lost 5 pounds” You know what the bitch of it is? I got on the scale this morning and had only lost two. SOOOOO not worth calling it an upside!

Comments

  1. Oh no! I am so sorry that you are all so sick. I agree, there is nothing worse that not being able to fix what hurts for your kids. I hope you all feel better soon!
    Stephanie recently posted..Sister BootsMy Profile

  2. Oh no!!!!! You got the stomach flu too!!!!! Big hugs!!! I’m so sorry…. That was us…and hence why I had to put you off on my Mommy Moment. It’s coming in an email in about 20 minutes…. XO.
    Nicole @MTDLBlog recently posted..I’m Not Lucky…Or Am I?My Profile

  3. Vomiting kids are the worst! I will take the worst cold/flu in the world over a stomach virus, for myself and the kids. I will do anything in my power NOT to vomit, even if that means laying miserable in bed in the fetal position for hours. I hope you’re all better soon!
    Leigh Ann recently posted..Listen to Your MotherMy Profile

  4. Oh no!!! Nat feel better and I hope all those babies are well soon , as well. It is miserable to have the stomach flu! It’s the absolute worst and kids with gooey eyes stuck together and vomiting, is so not cool. Poor babies!
    Debi (@TruthfulMommy) recently posted..Bedtime ~Things that go Bump in the NightMy Profile

    • I felt horrible for them. You can tell they are all still not 100% back to normal…they are all napping and sleeping like champs 😉 Totally not normal!

  5. Aw, I am sorry to hear that you and the kids are all sick. That totally sucks.

    I have a question… what is up with your feed? I don’t get any of your posts and then one day a whole 2 weeks worth dumps into my reader.

    Either way, I get to read but it’s just weird.
    Jen recently posted..Show Me the Way to the StageMy Profile

  6. OH YUCK!! So sorry your household is feeling crummy. I hate when my kids get sick, especially when there is nothing I can do for them. Thanks for the tip about the boogers and pink eye. I had no idea.
    Jessica recently posted..Mama’s Got A New AttitudeMy Profile

  7. ooh Hope you guys feel better SOON! It is SO hard when the Mom is sick too. I saw this sign the other day that your post reminded me of. it said “I’m one flu season away from goal weight.”
    Ha!

  8. Oh lord. That stomach flu was a bitch. A nasty, soul sucking, mean bitch. I got it first, then proceeded to give it to my 2.5 yo, husband, parents and about half the neighborhood. Did I mention it’s contagious?
    And yes, listening to my baby scream Mooooooommmmy, every time he needed to throw up, then having him tell me, “I don’t like it Mommy, I don’t like it…”. Oh lord, break my heart into a million and one pieces.
    Hang in there, and trust me, you’ll totally lose more weight. Because eating will hold little to no appeal for at least a week. Then you’ll gain it all back. :) just speaking from personal experience here.
    Ashley recently posted..Wordless Wednesday : First it Was a Bike…My Profile

  9. Oh my…. I am so sorry. I sure hope that things start getting better around there!
    Jackie recently posted..I see the boyMy Profile

  10. I’m sorry that you are all sick. Yes, the stomach flu is a bitch! I had it a few weeks ago and thought I was going to die. My daughter caught it from me, but thankfully it bypassed the rest of the family. The stomach flu would make a great weapon of war!
    Evonne recently posted..Ready to wash my handsMy Profile

  11. Hope you’re all feeling better soon. And I agree the flu is a beach! Been passing it around here as well.

  12. ack – too many shades of wrong to have that much bodily fluid in one’s house!
    Why is it when you hear stomach flu, you think of the line from Devil Wears Prada?
    And I never get the stuff that makes me lose a couple of lbs, no, I just get the yucky feeling that feels better the more I eat 😉
    Hang in there girlfriend, and also, kick those scales.

  13. I’m in stomach flu hell right now too…no fun! I couldn’t imagine doing this with more than 1 child! I hope you are all feeling better today!

  14. Small people throwing up are the WORST!! Hope this weekend is kind to you guys!
    Jamie recently posted..if i could turn back time — mannahattamammaMy Profile

Trackbacks

  1. […] a fantastic humor in dealing with even the most humorous situations, as is evidenced in her post 4:53 AM: The Time I Vowed that the Stomach Flu was a Mother Eff-er. It takes a special writer to make me see the beauty in the stomach flu. It’s ugly, miserable […]

  2. […] week, the stomach flu invaded our house. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the stomach flu is a motherf*cker. I don’t think Chiquita would take too kindly for me using words like that on their site, so […]

  3. […] the week from Hell that I’ve had, which included four of the five of us sick with the stomach flu, I am not looking my best. You could also read this as I look like crap right now. So what I could […]