Last year I introduced you to Fred, our Elf on the Shelf. Fred was quite the wild child when we weren’t around as you can see by my post What Our Elf On The Shelf Is Really Up To When We’re Not Home. His shenanigans are continuing this year, and it’s fun to see the kids’ excitement. But coming up with Elf on the Shelf ideas can get hard, and there are some things that I won’t let Fred do in front of the kids. Ever.

If you don’t have an Elf on the Shelf, then you have no idea what a pain in the ass it is to remember to move that thing every night. Fred has been visiting us since right before Thanksgiving, and I have already forgotten to move him several times. And the kids catch me every.single.time. It’s the first thing they look for every morning…in fact, I’ve been woken up from a deep sleep at 3 in the morning because I forgot to move the damn thing. Fred might keep the kids in line, but he’s definitely more work than he’s worth.

He has invaded our lives, and it’s like I have another kid to deal with now. So at the end of the day, when the kids have gone to sleep and won’t think about Fred again until tomorrow, I sit done for some me time. And it creeps me out that Fred watches me…he knows my every move! If I didn’t think I’d forget to get him back out again, I’d put him back in his box so I could drink wine, eat chocolate, and watch Real Housewives in peace. Those are things Fred isn’t ever going to get to do.

Elf on the Shelf Ideas

3 Things Fred Can’t Do

Drink My Wine

No Fred, I will never share a bottle – or even a glass – of wine with you. Ever. You will never find a picture of Fred and I sharing a glass of wine. Or me drinking wine through a straw for that matter.

Share My Stash

Remember the Amaretto Truffles recipe I shared? Those little balls are like chocolate heaven and ain’t no way I’m ever going to let Fred invade my hidden stash when the kids go to bed.

Watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills With Me

No way Fred, no way. You’ll never get to send the kids upstairs to watch Christmas movies and then snuggle up with me on the couch to watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Or any Real Housewives. Especially not with a straw in my glass of wine.