Monster Mommy Moment – Kelley Style

  MommyofaMonster

I am SO excited to have one of the funniest bloggers out there here today to share a Monster Mommy Moment with us…Kelley from Kelley ‘s Break Room!

Kelley is a mom to two boys, and like I said, she is FUNNY. She’s also witty and her perspective on things really can make you think. Everytime I visit her blog, I immediately am happy, even if I’m having a crappy day. She just has a way about her that immediately makes you feel good. I hope to meet her IRL someday so I can give her a hug.

Kelley is also writing for Nickelodeon! Her first post went up today and it’s titled Boozy Baby Names…need I say more?

The great part about this post? It’s so not Kelley’s usual style – it’s not humorous or trying to make light of a situation. It’s 100% relatable and everyday mom stuff that hurts our hearts when it happens. I’m honored that she trusts me enough to share it here. Please help me welcome Kelley so she can share her Monster Mommy Moment with us.

If you’re not sure what a Monster Mommy Moment is, you can read all about how my weekly feature came to be here.

Go grab a cup of coffee and a donut, ahem, I mean a low-fat muffin, or depending on the time of the day maybe some wine and chocolate, and sit back and enjoy the story!

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I feel like I have just stepped inside a psychotherapist’s office that is covered with really cute monster graphics.  The freedom to tell you all my “Monster Mommy Moment” is AWESOME, especially since I never really go into specific things my sons, ages 3 and 6, do on my blog.  They do plenty of things.  Things that make me go from calm to furious in .5 seconds, like falling on each other’s heads, covering each other’s faces with pillows, breaking picture frames, getting paint on the floor, catching a ride on the garage door as it goes up and refusing to do something I have told them to do.

Like participate in baseball practice.

Wednesday evenings at 5:30 my oldest son has baseball practice in an area that is about 25 minutes from our house.  There were closer places to play baseball, but all of them were offering T-ball for my 6-year-old.  We didn’t want to mess with T-ball AGAIN, so we decided to make the drive.  This drive ALWAYS puts my older son to sleep- a deep, snoring, drooling slumber.  He usually wakes up from it cranky but is typically able to make the transition to baseball mode without too much drama.

That was not the case THIS Wednesday evening.

The look he gave me when I woke him up suggested he wished I would just jump in a live volcano already.  My husband usually has the job of whisking him to the baseball field while my 3-year-old and I take our time getting there.  I was on my own this particular night when my son cried, wailed, complained and yelled out, “I DON’T WANT TO GO TO BASEBALL PRACTICE!!  I HATE BASEBALL PRACTICE!!”

Thankfully we were still a good ways from the field, so no team members or coaches were able to hear his blasphemous words.

“Yes, you ARE going to baseball practice.  I did NOT drive all this way for you to cry and complain!  You LIKE baseball!  You always want to play baseball!  I don’t know what you are talking about.  You need to start taking a nap after school if you are THIS tired or start going to sleep at 7:00.  This is ridiculous!  GET OUT OF THE CAR!!”

“I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF THE CAR.  Leave me here!”

Smoke was coming out of my ears.  For real.  In an effort to control my temper, I took my folding chair, drinks and 3-year-old and started walking to the baseball field, as I know this usually results in my son getting out of the car on his own.  As expected, he gets out of the car when I am about halfway to the field and sloooooooooowly walks behind me.  I situate my youngest in the folding chair next to a friend and start walking back toward my oldest.  By this time, everyone has made it to the field and has started practicing.

“What is your problem?!  WALK FASTER!  Can’t you see everyone is on the field practicing already?  Hurry UP!”

“BUT I DON’T WANT TO PRACTICE!!”

His coaches, teammates and THE OTHER MOTHERS are now hearing this exchange and my face is getting hotter and hotter and hotter.

Through clinched teeth and a barely audible voice I say into his ear, “Get out on that field and participate in practice or you will be GROUNDED for the next three days.  I will take away your DS and you won’t be able to watch any Phineas and Ferb.  You are embarrassing BOTH of us.  Get out there!”

He slowly trudges to the field and situates himself in an area that is not an actual position.  With his glove at his feet.

I sit down, put my 3-year-old in my lap and watch him through slinted eyes.  This is when my youngest begins his drama surrounding wanting to go to the “pahk”.  The two of us usually go to the nearby park while my husband is involved with my oldest’s baseball practice.  Since I was on my own, I had to repeatedly tell my little one that we would go to the park after practice.

“But I want to go to the paaahhhhhhhhhk nay-yow!!  I want to go to pahhhhhk, Mommyyyyyyyyyy!”

“We are not going to the park right now.  Stop it!  Here, chew on this gum.”

That buys me some time with him.  At this point, my blood pressure is way up as I shift my eyes over to my oldest to see his glove still at his feet and his arms folded across his chest.  I am hoping he feels the heat of my stare and picks up that dangblasted glove very, very, very soon.

He doesn’t.

The 3-year-old gets plopped back into the seat and sounds of “pahk, pahk, pahk” echo in my ear as I walk toward my oldest.  I make my way over to the little fartknocker and hiss into his ear, “Pick.  Up.  That.  Glove.”

After I get back to my station and remind my 3-year-old AGAIN that the “pahk” visit will happen later (“Or maybe not at all, if you keep that up!”), my 6-year-old decides to make a half-hearted attempt at playing baseball.  I am humiliated, as I see that the coaches are wondering what the deal is with my son and his listless moves when fielding the ball.

The other mothers are still staring.

Fast forward to 1:40 p.m. the next day at my house when I receive this phone call from my son’s school, “Kelley, can you come pick up your son?  He has a 101.8 fever and just vomited in the bathroom.”

He was getting sick.

My son was sick.

He was sick on the baseball field the night before and I didn’t know it.

He was feeling awful inside and I FORCED him to practice.

I am a monster.

He didn’t have a fever at the time, hadn’t vomited and hadn’t told me that he didn’t feel well.  Or did he?  Did he try communicate this to me in some way but I wasn’t receiving the message because I wanted him to get his little butt on the stinkin’ baseball field already??  I wanted him to stop humiliating ME, so I threatened, hissed and barked at him until he submitted to my demands.

My poor, sick son.  He deserves better.

He was so sick he missed his last day of school.

I am a monster and that is my Mommy Monster Moment.

———-

Thanks Kelley, for sharing your Monster Mommy Moment with us…and for reminding us all that we are allowed occasional monster moments – even if we feel like hell after having them.

It’s so important for us all to share them with each other and learn and grow from other’s experiences. We’re all normal and experiencing the same things – so thank you for sharing this moment with us.

Now go swing by Kelley’s Break Room and say hello to Kelley, and if you’re new there make sure to tell her that I sent you. I know you’ll really enjoy her blog!

Also…I am giving away a $20 Chili’s gift card, so hop over and check it out for your chance to win appetizers and maybe even a couple of drinks on me. You can get appetizers and drinks for 20 bucks, right?

Last but not least, I had the opportunity to guest post over at one of my favorite non-profits, Paper to Pearls. Ugandan women make beautiful jewelry out of paper…you won’t believe it unless you check it out! Anways, I wrote about eco-fashion over there, so if you have some time stop by and read it!

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Comments

  1. I puffy heart Kelley.

    I’ve done things like this, too. Lost my temper completely with a child I thought was just being a pain in my ass but but he was really just getting sick.

  2. Kids fake getting sick, so nobody can really blame you here. You just got caught on the rare time when the sickness was real!

    • Isn’t that the truth?? His behavior typically isn’t that bad when he’s feeling well. Still, he should behave even when he’s sick. I’m still working on this being a perfect parent thing! Ha!

  3. This could have happened to any mom, well, at least it could have happened to me.

  4. If that is the best you can do for a monster moment, then it really is a monstermomentfail ;)
    Minor league, you are still in the supermomstatus since I possibly would have dragged him to the side by his ear … possibly …
    Great story, love when the other Mom’s give you the look as tho this never happens on their watch, as if!

    • I didn’t include everything in my post. I don’t think you’d call it a monstermomentfail if you had seen the real interaction. I’m pretty positive I grabbed him really hard by the arm and dragged him practically to the field. I’m also pretty sure I swatted him on his behind right in front of everyone. He’s a strong dude. He’s a big Kindergartener, but I was very close to picking him up over my head, tying him to the top of the SUV and speeding home.

      Did I still fail? :(

  5. I have done exactly this.

    My four year old was begging not to go to pre K, his head hurt, his stomach hurt, etc etc etc. I totally thought he was faking in order to stay home. There’d been quite a bit of that going on lately.

    Not only was he sick, he projectile vomitted on himself, and the table full of classmates. Humiliated and traumatized. He had a fever of 103 by the time I could get out of downtown and to him.

    Mom of the Year, right here.

  6. I can definitely relate to this!

    A few months ago we were visiting my in-laws. I swear I can feel the dirty looks from my MIL when I have issues with both kids. In her mind, everyone should have only 1 child. Anyway, I spent the whole day yelling at my daughter – be nice to your brother, get off you butt and go play, it’s not hot get a drink, etc. That night? A fever and puking.

  7. I was thinking the whole time I was reading it that maybe he was coming down with something! Whenever someone doesn’t act right and snap out of their nasty behavior, I always wonder if they are sick and just don’t know it yet! You’re not a monster in my book!

  8. Oh, yes, I have been there. Of course the older they get, the more likely they are to try and feign illness just to get out of doing something they want to do, and then you feel even more terrible because it’s not just that they are being ornery, you also suspect them of not telling the truth. You just do the best you can with the data you’re given. Hang in there, Mama!

  9. Marianne says:

    Kelley I am so glad I read this this morning because I do feel like a normal mom now! well a little less abnormal maybe… I know you are a great mom – it happens to the best of us and the worst of us! I can tell you too that this happens to me and my kids are not sick at all just stubborn or tired or hungry or because they enjoy seeing the smoke come out of my ears… so we live and learn (usually the hard way) Wish you could have heard me this a.m. at 6:30, yes with the kids, at Walmart (I was the classic Walmart mom) Know that you are loved! Hugs
    MW

  10. I LOVE Kelley! Every mom has a monster moment in their closet, or will at some point. Thanks Kelley for sharing your post. Things like this teach us for times like this in the future. It’s all a learning game.

  11. Oh I have done this more than once. Get mad at the kids b/c “they are sick” and I don’t believe them and then I send them to school only to get a call later that they are vomiting.

    Been there.

  12. Ohhh, I have so been there. Generally it involves sending someone either to school or day care who complains of not feeling well and me thinking they’re just being their normal grumpy-in-the-morning selves.

    If it makes you feel any better, kids’ illnesses sometimes come on like a ton of bricks out of nowhere, with no forewarning whatsoever. So maybe he was just being a fartknocker. ;)

  13. You guys are being way too hard on yourselves. Kid LOVE it when we do crap like this. Gives the little jerks something to hold over our heads in the the future.

    When mine acted turdy in public, I just pretended they weren’t mine. I’d yell things like, “Just WAIT until your mother hears about this!” “If you were my kid, I’d beat your butt!” and “I am NEVER babysitting you again!”

  14. Rebecca says:

    You’re not a monster! You’re human!

    I left my nephew in a dirty diappy waaaaaay too long because he wouldn’t sit still long enough for me to change him. I pulled the, “You’re mother is going to hear about this!” card. She did, but by the time she did, he had horrible diaper rash. :|

    Still feel guilty. That happened a year ago.

  15. I think all parents have done this at some point. Welcome to normal Kelley. :)

  16. I could so feel your frustration with the 3 year old and the park. I was relieved when my daughter didn’t want to play ball this year because keep my son entertained during practices/games is so tough. Even harder when they’re not cooperating and/or sick :)

  17. Melinda says:

    Oh Kelley don’t feel too bad. We all have those moments where we can’t see the true cause and feel terrible that our crystal ball malfunctioned. I pushed a three year old on a soccer field twice saying “you will not be a quitter” before I realized she was only doing it for the long socks, which btw I could have saved a lot of money with that information. :) That’s with my experience from 2 older kids with 5 years of three sports – which shows I learned absolutely nothing.

  18. If he didn’t tell you, you couldn’t know. Moment like this have happened to me too.

  19. Oooh, let’s just chalk that one up to phenomenally bad timing of the virus. Stupid virus! Moms can’t be taxi-drivers, chefs, maids AND psychic.

  20. Awww! You’re not a monster. How were you to know? If it makes you feel any better- my mom made me walk on a broken foot for EIGHT days before she brought me in to the hospital. Apparently, she thought I was just being a whiner. I recovered fine. Although, I do bring it up still, 21 years later.

  21. Oh, Kelley.

    I have so so so been there.

    Specifically at a baseball field. More than once I’ve put my embarrassment about my kids’ behavior in front of my parenting.

    And guess what?

    I hurt more than they did. For sure…

    Hugs to you. Big hugs.

  22. Thank you for sharing Kelley. We really all do have our monster moments. I have had a similar situation and I probably felt worse than dirt then. But you know what? Its ok. It happens. :)

  23. Mommy Rotten says:

    Also did this many, MANY, times! Always feel like an idiot like I should have known better but, in my defense, this is just how my kids act most of the time.

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