Helping A Friend Share Her Words

A friend of mine approached me over the weekend and asked if I would post something for her on my blog. She wants to share it, but she doesn’t want to share her name.

She is a beautiful, caring, honest, and sweet person. She is a mother. She is a blogger. She is well liked. She wants to share a secret.

Before I share the post with you, I want to tell you three things:

1. You may not like this post. You may get angry. You may not understand it. You may think she is a bad person. I assure you, she is not. She is a person struggling with a disease.

2. She is bravely stepping forward for the first time to admit out loud…to herself and to others…that she has a problem. Whether or not you can empathize with her situation, I ask that you do not judge her. I ask that you do not criticize her. I ask that you send her blessings, good vibes, prayers…whatever positive energy that you can send her because she needs it right now.

3. I have not moderated comments since I first started blogging. I quickly learned people don’t like it, so I turned it off. I am turning it back on today for her sake. If you leave a judgemental or harsh comment, I will not approve it. That negative feedback is not going to help her at all. She is afraid of what people will say because she already knows what people will say. Please try to be kind and understanding. If you don’t feel you can do so, please don’t leave a comment.

And with that, I would like to share my friend’s words with you…

————
Shame

10.30 pm, New Year’s Eve 2010.

My child woke up coughing due to a medical condition. We were able to treat him – good thing that it worked, because there’s no way I could have taken him the ER.

I was drunk, you see.

I should back up to earlier in the day. Much earlier. I went out to run some errands, including buying champagne for the celebration later. In the liquor store, I was on a mission to find one of those mini bottles of cham, too…so that I could have a drink before getting home. I pulled thru the fast food joint with a hamburger and a cup of ice. I poured that champagne in the cup and drank it on my way home.

I drank it on my way home. At 11.45am.

I then had a glass of cham while watching a movie.

Around 3, we met a friend at a bar for a new year’s toast. Within 2 hours, I had 3 glasses of wine, a glass of champagne and a beer.

I drove home.

This is the not even the most embarrassing part, even though I could have died or killed someone else. A mother of two, a professional, a daughter, a sister, a wife. I have a drinking problem. I know I do. Because the most shameful part is that I blacked out.

Things that I’m told happened between the hours of 4 and 10…

I drove home. I danced in the kitchen with my kids. I had sex with my husband. I folded laundry. I announced it was time for the kids to go to bed. I demanded my husband build a fire. I got the kids in jammies. I passed out in my kid’s bed.

At 10, I woke up not knowing where I was, or how I got there. And around 10.15, when my child got sick, I was treating him and trying to work through the events of the past few hours.

I come from a long line of alcoholics. Grandparents, both parents, siblings.

I’m quite sure it’s in my blood to carry on this disgusting trait.

I don’t know how to stop. I’ve blacked out before, I stop drinking for a while. Obviously never for good.

I don’t know how to stop.

I don’t know if I want to stop.

But the guilt is crushing me on this day.

———–
Powerful, isn’t it? Sad? Heartbreaking? Relatable?

And so it goes…

I’m guest posting over at Mommy Pants today! I was so honored when Cheryl asked me to guest post with one of my own Mommypants Moments. Cheryl and I became Twitter friends and got to meet in person at the end of November. She is an amazing woman and has become a wonderful friend. My post there today is about my battle with postpartum depression, which I know several of you have also had to deal with. It’s a topic that is hard for some women to talk about, but each time we do, we are helping ourselves and each other. Thanks Cheryl, for having me over for a visit!

I’m also excited to the guest feature on Monday at the red dress club:. I cannot begin to tell you the impact that the red dress club: has had on me. Because of the writing prompts and support I have found there, I have found a passion for writing that I didn’t even know that I had. If you haven’t ever checked it out yet, go now! Do it! Try one of the writing prompts next year – you might find a new love just like I did.

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Comments

  1. Megan "the" Bug Creator says:

    The only thing I know to say is what I told a friend of mine with the same problem. Ask yourself this question… Do you want your child growing up thinking back to when mommy was drunk and passed out… or thinking that it is OKAY to get drunk and black out / pass out etc? Do you want this life for your child when they are your age?

    If you answered no… than use that as your power to correct the problem. Be THAT PERSON in your family that defeats it. It is defeatable. it is not easy…no. But we see people who do it every day! We also however see people who die or kill people by not trying every day. Don't be that person. Be the person who wins. Be the person who passes go and collects that $200.

    Good luck and I hope you use this experience to draw the strength, for your children and future grandkids if anything.

  2. A brave post. A first step in talking about it. You are absolutely not alone. Look around, even among bloggers. There are plenty who have gone through exactly what you are and are now on the other side.

    I hope you find help. For your kids, for your husband, but mostly for you. There are so many people available to support you, when you are ready.

    I really, really hope you are ready.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Something I haven't told any in the blogging world that I will share here, for you. My husband had a drinking problem.
    For six months after our daughter was born, the drinking was a monster. He was not a part of our lives. He was with us everyday, physically, but mentally and emotionally? So unavailable.
    But he got better. And you will too, once you're ready. It takes time. It takes love. It takes a lot of strength. But you will get through it. I send you love. I send you strength. I send you hope.

  4. JustMom420zaks says:

    Honey. I am so sorry you are going through this.
    You are NOT a bad person. I think you are a very good person for admitting this… not to us, but realizing it yourself.
    See, so many people deny that there is anything wrong.
    The first step is always admitting that there is a problem.
    There are many programs, places you can go if you don't think you can get sober while still in your "natural enviroment" as well as programs like AA.
    AA is a wonderful program. I guarantee any program or treatment you pursued would have roots in AA.
    Look in your yellowpages. There will be a listing for AA. Call them 24 hours a day, there will be someone who cares on the other line. Someone who has been there.
    I have seen people completely turn their life around after things got completely out of control. There is hope.
    Lots and lots of love and support.

  5. Wow. So powerful and brave. I have no words of wisdom or advise. Just know you have prayers being sent for you.

  6. Allyson & Jere says:

    That is rough. We ALL have addictions of some form. Some are just more visible, and some are mroe deadly. This is NOT impossible to beat. I would hope that for the sake of your children, having grown up with it yourself, and knowing it sucks, that you would desire to change it. My own husband grew up without a father or his maternal grandparents because someone chose to drink and drive. It has irrevocably affected his life in EVERY SINGLE WAY possible. It's never worth it. So, I wish you the best of luck in taking the next step and working to beat this monster.

  7. The Empress says:

    My prayers are with you, to be strong.

    You must be strong…and you can't do it alone. Only a group, support, a higher power, friends, someone to call, someone who understands.'

    You can change. Living minute by minute, or second by second, you can change.

  8. CraftyMummy says:

    I have tears but no words of wisdom.

    I so admire your courage in sharing. And I have to wonder if in having the courage to share a little, you also have the courage for the next little step and the one after that… praying for your courage to continue.

  9. She should be commended for recognizing her problem. Condemming her does nobody any good, lest of her all child.

  10. I admire your honesty and bravery. Writing this and sharing it had to feel so good! I hope you can channel that strength to make the necessary changes you need to in order to get better. My thoughts are with you.

    Natalie, thank you for giving your friend a safe place to reveal her secret.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I am deeply sorry you are battling this disease, and yes that is what it is. I too come from a VERY long line of alcoholics and drug addicts. I too became a drug addict and alcoholic. I fight the battle EVERY day, I wish I had some words of wisdom that I could pass onto you. I feel that each person in order to "heal" from these diseases needs to come into their "uh ha" moment. I was only a teenager, a kid. One that knew NOTHING and thought I knew EVERYTHING! I ended up in rehab, not once, not twice but FOUR times!!! Yes, four times. It didn't get easier either. I also had to fight and face other demons as well. I was in rehab for the first time during my senior year of HS. While my friends were out enjoying life and all the senior year activities, I was learning the Serenity Prayer and the twelve-step program, instead of visiting the college campuses on the weekends, I was searching for AA meetings and a sponsor. I also, nearly died twice from alcohol poisoning my Sophomore year of college. To this day, I can't recall how I made it back to my dorm room, or to the bathroom, I don't even know who found my lying on the bathroom floor with covered in blood. Apparently I feel and cracked my head open. The thing is, its a fight and in order to win it, you HAVE to want it. It doesn't matter what you use as a focus to win the fight, you just have to WANT it! You have to WANT recovery, or it isn't going to happen. You have to ask for help, you have to accept help, you have to admit you have a problem (yes writing this post, is you asking for help and admitting you have a problem at least in my eyes). You have to be willing. If you don't want your children to grow up and keep the cycle going, and you can use this to be your starting point. YOU are a VERY strong woman to share this with us, even as anonymous. This shows YOU want the help, YOU don't want to be like this, YOU want to make the steps. Know, there are NO big steps in recovery, its ALL little baby steps. Have you tried AA meetings> If not do you have a friend that is willing to go with you and hold your hand? YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I can understand the feelings, I can understand the black outs, honestly I can, I can feel your pain in your words. YOU can have this, you can have a healthy and clean life, and safe life!! YOU have to want it for you, your spouse, your children, your family and your friends. I will be rooting for you! You are in my prayers!

    P.S. Sorry this turned out to be sooo long!

    Nicole

  12. Dysfunctional Mom says:

    I'm sorry your friend is going through this. I Hope she gets help, she deserves it as does her family.

  13. blueviolet says:

    There is another very well known blogger who has been down this road publicly and she made it out of the darkness. Her first step was to admit it like you just did. You took a step. And you can take another and another and another. Big hugs!

  14. I think that saying "I don't know if I want to stop" is powerful. After all, the decision has to come from within you. It's all so scary…the fact that you've reached out just a little bit is admirable…you want to do what's right for your family. May you have strength and wisdom.

  15. I too come from a long line of alcoholics. I've been able to resist. So far.
    You are not a bad person. You need support to get through this.

    As the adult child of an alcoholic mother, too many of my memories are of her having been drunk. Holidays, birthdays. Then every day.

    You have said you have a problem. That's the first step. The biggest step. The step my mother never took.
    You are already ahead of the game. Don't stop. Get help. Change your future and therefore your children's future.

  16. MommaKiss says:

    Sadly, this hits close to home.

    Admitting there is a problem is incredibly difficult, but hopefully it's the first step to change.

  17. The hardest part is looking the problem in the eye; I can't imagine how difficult this must have been for you to write! I also have alcoholism in my family and had some not-so-great experiences with drinking/blacking out when I was younger. I won't try to come up with words of wisdom or advice, but remember that your decision to share is a first step, and there are baby steps leading to your destination, wherever that may be. You are not alone.

  18. I think that this post was her first step in saying that she needs help.

    There are people out there that can help.

    I hope that she can get the help that she needs.

  19. By Word of Mouth says:

    Putting it in black and white, even without anyone knowing who you are – its a step, its an acknowledgment. If there are 12 Steps to beating this, surely you just took the first one.
    We tell our children, baby steps, take things slow. Start with a day, but don't start it alone – call someone the minute you feel the need, talk it thro, stay on the phone as long as it takes to get thro that moment. Families are so easily broken, I see it around me. You love yours, you go thro all the motions of being a good Mom even when you are incapable of remembering – that says something of your strength and love.
    Its a New Year, fresh with hope … take good care of yourself, take care of you first, the rest will follow.

  20. Woman, if you know me, you need to email me

    Hell, even if you don't know me you need to email me

    I have words…helping words…that are too personal to go here

  21. I don't know what that's like…but I am truly sorry. I can't imagine having a monster on my back that I can't shake off. I wish you all the luck and strength in conquering this. you can do it! It may require help…but you can do it! Thank you so much for sharing with us.

  22. Dragonfly says:

    Honey, you just took the first step! Don't be ashamed, be proud! Hold your head up high and think that you are on your way! Be strong and think posyive that you can get through this… Not alone, keep sharing the way you feel! I'm sending positve thoughts and many high hopes!

  23. Anonymous says:

    I've made this comment anonymous b/c I don't need any of my fam reading this should they stumble by this way…

    My grandfather had his first drink when he was 12. He didn't get sober until he was 62. He missed out on a lot, he used to beat my mom a lot when he was drunk, but he was a great dad sober.

    My uncle was a coke addict & alcoholic and has managed to stay clean for almost 25 years now! But he lost custody of one of his kids & that child called another man daddy.

    My grandmother drank herself to death.

    My aunt had a rough few years but is sober!

    My mother swore when she was 9 yrs old that she would NEVER do this to her kids. Her mother had just died, she had never met her father & was now forced to live with him, and she didn't want her kids to deal with it.

    Needless to say, I come from a HUGE al-anon family. My parents broke the cycle and our lives have been so much better for it.

    I have been taught it's an illness, it's a disease that stays with you your entire life. It's rough, it's hard, it's frustrating, it feels nearly impossible.

    I certainly hope that you are able to overcome this, because it may feel like it can never happen, but I have seen people with these demons overcome it & become better for it!

    First step is saying there is a problem, the next step is doing something about it…

    Good luck! My prayers are with you!

  24. Wow…we all have our skeletons…the fact that she feels shameful is a good indication that she's ready for help. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Drinking is a disease…it can be cured, you just have to want it. You just have to ask for help.
    It will be hard but your children deserve it. The people driving innocently in their cars deserve it too. YOU deserve it.
    Just reach out.

  25. To quote Mitch Hedberg, "Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having."

    No judgement here, just good wishes that you are able to work your way through it.

  26. Mommy Needs a Vacation says:

    Wow…what a brave and powerful post. I think writing this post and admitting it to yourself is a great 1st step. I also think that by doing this, you are asking for help. I hope that you are ready for help. It is a New Year and I wish you all the luck and best wishes.

  27. Anonymous says:

    My husband struggles with alcoholism. It's his demon, his mistress, his dirty little secret. He was a "high functioning" alcoholic meaning whenever I expressed concern to friends and family about his drinking, they told me to lighten up, that he was just having fun and relaxing.

    Now…as a result of his drinking, he's lost his job, his reputation and nearly lost his family. He's working the steps and getting the help he needs. I'm so proud of him for doing that. I just wish he had not had to hit such a dramatic rock bottom.

    My husband is educated, from a good family, is funny, handsome and intelligent. He's a wonderful father and loving husband. Alcoholism doesn't define him and it doesn't have to define you.

    Get the help you need. It's a poison that is slowly killing you and damaging all those around you. You are strong enough. You are brave enough. You can DO this.

  28. One of my very, very good friends is in rehab for the second time this year. She is a wonderful mom, and loving wife, and she is an addict.

    I keep telling her she is one of the bravest women I've ever met.

    I'd say you're a close second for wanting to put this out there – even anonymously, you are exposing the very core of your self.

    I pray you find healing, find support, and when you are ready to conquer this, that your friends and family rally around you like you never expected.

  29. SharleneT says:

    You've taken a giant step in admitting you have a problem — even anonymously. Soon, you will come forward, yourself, and get the help you need. Know that my prayers are with you and that I hope you gain the strength to find the help you need.

  30. She is definitely strong for wanting you to post about it and she must want to get help it seems.
    I can relate as one of my relatives is an alcoholic and has done some stuff I know he regrets.
    This seems like a first step for her.

  31. What a brave post! My brother reached 9 months sober on New Years and it was such a proud moment for the family. I hope you can find the help and support you need to get through this. Admitting really is a huge first step!

  32. The Flying Chalupa says:

    It's about damn time someone talked about motherhood and alcoholism. Good for you – and Natalie, you too.

    It's there. It's prevalent. And guess what? It can be conquered.

    It sounds like you have a good support network. And if you open up to them, chances are they're gonna say, yeah, we already know and we want to help.

    Let them be there for you.

    So you fell off the wagon before. So what? You will again. Keep getting on it.

    Alcoholism runs rampant in my family. I know how destructive it can be, but I'm thinking about you.

    YOU CAN DO THIS.

  33. If SHE can figure it out.......... says:

    You should not be ashamed that you have a disease, but THANK GOD you have discovered it before something tragic happened. There are people and places that will support you and build you up when you need it the most. It is a daily struggle, but it DOES get easier. God bless you and your family.

  34. The Drama Mama says:

    Facing our addictions is an incredibly difficult task. Your journey to freedom is not an easy one, but well worth taking. You can totally get through this. Embrace the hands that reach out to you, don't be afraid to ask for help.

    Much love to you.

  35. I am in awe of your strength and amazing courage to talk about this. Even anonymously, you have broken through a barrier for not only you, but other mother's like you. I can urge you to go to AA. Beg you to stop drinking. And plead that you see that this is a disease, not a reflection on your character. It is something that has a hold on you, and the only way to shake it loose is to get help. I know… same standard answer. I offer love, support, encouragement, and admiration if you need me.

    Much love and respect. Lori

  36. Not Just Another Jennifer says:

    I can't imagine how you feel. Know that you are brave for your willingness to address this. And we are all pulling for you. Hugs.

  37. This is a great first step in the road to recovery. I have learned being a Mom that there is nothing i wouldn't do for my son. Think of doing it for your children, how they need their Mom there 100%. Dont' dwell on the past, but look forward through the future. I'll be sending prayers!

  38. Soge shirts says:

    Anyone can be addicted to anything. People are human and it is even easier to fall down when you come from a family of alcoholics. It takes true courage to realize that you need to get help for the sake of not only yourself but your family and kids.

  39. You're so brave for putting this out there, for facing yourself and telling the truth, regardless of whether or not you want people to know who you are.

    I know that it's all too easy for someone not in your shoes to say "now you need to take the next step and do something about it". But that's exactly what has to happen. You're a brave person and I'm sure that you have the strength to get through this – even if you don't think you do. You can beat this disease.

    Many prayers and blessings for you!

  40. The Twin Spinner says:

    This was a painful piece to read, but I'm sure it was even more painful to write. Thank you for your honesty, and here's hoping you find/want the help you need.

  41. Please know, that on this day, someone in California is sending a prayer heavenward for you. I pray for peace & wisdom, for you & your family. I pray that you find the strength needed to fight the good fight; to overcome the demons.

    I hope you email the woman who offered help.

    You ARE strong enough to do this!

  42. My thoughts and prayers. To both of you, and your friend's family.

    You are a great friend for being a platform on which, for your friend to 'come out'.

    Your friend is brave. She may not feel it. But she is. No one wants to be an alcoholic, just like no one wants to be a diabetic, it is a disease plain and simple, a disease takes management, there is not cure but it can be managed.

  43. Sending her prayers of strength. Strength to change.

  44. Big Hugs. You let your friend know that we are here for her.

  45. Hugs to you. I know this was very difficult to do…but it shows YOU have the power to change. You've already taken the hardest step—admitting there's a problem. But aren't you worried for your children? If not now, then when will you do what's necessary to stop the cycle? Look at everything that's at stake. And you need help to do it. Reach out and ask for help. You can't do it alone and you don't have to. Go to an AA meeting. See a therapist. START NOW.

    I say this with love. You are a good person, but you've hit a few bumps in the road.

  46. To Annon:
    I have no idea who you are, but please know that I am sending you so much love and support right now. You are not alone and there are many women out there in a similar situation to you, with similar family history.

    I do believe you will come to a point when you are ready to be sober, I just hope it is soon and before anything terrible happens. When you are ready, you'll be able to beat this. It'll obviously be incredibly difficult, but you CAN do it. And the life that you can have after is going to be a thousand times better than the one you have now.

    xo

  47. moochiemomma says:

    What a BRAVE and powerful post. Thank you for sharing. Strength, prayers, and courage coming your way from me. You CAN and WILL do it!

  48. Wow wow wow.

    I have no experience with alcoholism and I've never been around alcoholics, but this post just really gets to me. I have tears in my eyes because I know what it's like to be a mom who wants nothing more than to be a better mom than her mom was but sometimes slips up (in my case it is anxiety and depression).
    I applaud you for being so brave and putting yourself out there. Recognizing you have a problem is the first and most important step.
    You can do this and you will!

  49. Many hugs to you. And if you're somebody I know personally…I am here for you, no questions asked and no judgments.

    I am sorry that this day came to you and that you're at a decision point and still not sure if you want or need to stop.

    But the blessing is that it forces you to ask some hard questions of yourself.

    I am the child of an alcoholic. It nearly destroyed our family. But my dad got sober when I was 7 and never looked back. The person he is now is amazing. Inspiring. He's been sober for 34 years and he still takes it one day at a time.

    Sending lots of good vibes your way. Think of your precious kiddos faces…and do this for you and your relationship with them.

    xoxo

  50. Life Without Pink says:

    Wow…I had chills when I read this especially the part when she doesn't remember what happened that night. Like the others said, it was brave of her to step forward, and share her story. Hopefully she gets the help she needs..sounds like she is taking that step, and good for her. Hope you can keep us posted.

  51. Like MommaKiss this hits a little close to home for me. I'm glad you have someone as wonderful as Natalie to share your voice in this safe haven.

    Admitting the problem is the first step. Please take the next and get help. If not for you, then for your kids.

  52. I'm going to be praying for you friend. The only thing I can say is that we only get one chance at life. And every day lived well is it's own reward. I hope that she's able to get the help she needs so that she can live in happiness and without regrets. Prayers and positive energy coming from the east coast!

  53. I'm not sure that I can give any support more than the comments that have come ahead of me. I'm just chiming in as one more person (comment 51) reaching out to tell you that talking about this, even anonymously takes incredible strength. This is a first step, A HUGE step, keep taking baby steps and look at your children and find strength in them. Talk to us all. You deserve many moments dancing in the kitchen with your kids that you can remember. Hugs to you.

  54. Like Jill, I am not sure I have much to add here, except as someone who can say that you have taken a first incredible step by acknowledging your struggle with this issue. I'm glad you have a friend through this blog who can provide this outlet for you. I hope that you can move forward from here to receive the help that you need.

  55. slightlyoffbalanceblog.com says:

    Read the supportive comments on this post everyday and know that there are a group of friends and strangers who can't wait to see a post about your steps to getting help and staying sober. We know you will struggle, but if you keep trying, we will keep supporting you!

  56. This is so honest and touching, and scary too. The fact that you recognize this is a problem? That counts for something right there. And knowing that it could very well be an inherited predisposition takes some of the sting out of seeking help.

    Please don't go through this alone. Be strong for your family, but please get help.

  57. Gosh, I don't even know what to say. I will pray your friend finds the strength she needs to get the help she needs. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

    I think we all no someone fighting demons in their lives. God bless you.

  58. God bless your friend. May she find the strength she needs to get the help she needs!

  59. I am sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers to your friend and her family! God bless her for speaking out about it and wanting to get help! There are so many moms out there with the same problem, and this post might help them in their struggles as well.

  60. It sounds like you have made one big step already. It sounds like you are ready for more. Prayers and hugs to you in the beginning of a brave journey.

  61. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says:

    Alcoholism is in my family, and I have lived through life that way.

    It hurts the people who love you, brave lady. It hurts them.

    I do not say that as criticism or judgement at all. I say it because sometimes the only thing that can motivate us is to think about the impact on the people we love. We can sometimes do for them what we cannot do for ourselves.

    If we know each other, send me something. I will happily be part of your support network.

    You cannot do this alone any more than you could fight cancer alone. You need support, you need help. Please, please find some. It is there, I promise.

    Much much love.

  62. You're a very brave person and have taken a huge step in admitting that you have a problem.

    I know that it's difficult and that getting past this will bring on all sorts of challenges. Many that you will think that you can't overcome. But you can do it.

    With everyone here to support you as well as your family you can overcome this.

    I know this because my mother and step father were alcoholics. My mom was put in rehab, my step dad kept drinking and started to abuse my sister, brother, and I. It was then that we were placed in foster care. It was the worst time of my life. But eventually my mom beat the alcoholism and is better today.

    I wish you the best as you begin your journey towards sobriety and if there is anything that I can do to help please email me.

  63. thank you Nat..for helping her find a space to write this down and make it the first step in seeing in black and white that she is acknowledging a problem.

    My greatest most positive vibes are going to her to be able to rise above this addiction and defeat it. it won't be easy, it won't be funny or amusing, but it will save her life and the life she wants to have with her family.

    much love to both of you.

  64. Anonymous says:

    It's very brave that you took the first step and admitted that there is a problem to anyone. Plus you have obviously admitted it to yourself. There is a group through churches that can be a supportive and nonjudgmental group to help you called Celebrate Recovery. Good luck.

  65. Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip says:

    Very brave post. I am impressed that you had the guts to write this even anonymously. The very first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. We all have problems. No one is perfect. I am glad you are ready to seek help and get better. Even though I do not know you, I am very touched by your story and I cannot tell you how deeply I pray for your recovery. My sister is an alcoholic and it has been extremely painful for me to watch her destroy her life. I am so proud of you for making the choice to heal. All my love goes out to you during your journey. Be strong. You are loved.

  66. adriel, from the mommyhood memos says:

    Good for you for writing… and I hope and pray you will take it the next step. You can overcome this, but not on your own. No one apart from God himself could overcome addiction like that on alone. Please get the help you need – for the sake of your husband, your kids, their kids… But most of all, dear one, for your own sake. You have a whole life to live, and remember, and flourish in.

    And good for you, Natalie, for posting this. I'm praying for you too – that you'll know how to be a good support for your friend. She's obviously in a lot of pain right now. xx

  67. I didn't read the above comments. So I sincerly apologize if I repeat anything.

    We need to get past the part where what she did is wrong. She knows that. Past the danger to herself and the chance of leaving her children without a mommy, she knows that. Past the fear that what could have happened if her baby needed to go to the hospital and she couldn't help, she knows that.

    She loves her kids, she may have made bad choices but she didn't go hide in her room or not go home at all. Her family is important and thats iportant.

    It is easy for someone who has never had a chronic problem (addiction is a type of chronic problem) to say you need help why aren't you getting help?
    I was in an abusive marriage for 7 years. I could have left before I did. Why didn't I just go get help? I don't want to make a comment into a long assed post, so I will refrain from answering that.

    Point is, we can't always get help even when we know we need it. Even when we acknowledge we need help it doesn't always start the process to recovery.

    She can't do this on her own. She needs her husband, children, doctor, family, and friends to help her. Which is the hardest part to get to because that means she must go thru the shame and guilt of what she knows is a problem and be truthful to everyone including herself. Rip it off like a band aide, it will be the hardest part. Once she is surrounded by everyone who knows the whole truth then they can all begin to heal together.

    Yes she is brave to come to you and have you post this. Don't stop there. If she was strong enough to reach out to you she is strong enough to fight this.

    All my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family. Together they can beat this.

  68. I live by two things…

    It is not our situation that defines us, it is us who define our situation.

    And.

    It is more important how you react to a problem than the fact that you have the problem to begin with.

    There's a 3rd thing I try to live by, but it's hard. How many yesterdays do you look back on & wish you had done differently? Don't let today join those. You can't get better without starting the journey, let's start today. The day you write about is in your past. What story would you like to write about yourself tomorrow?

    I hope to see an update on this. You deserve a whole slew of yesterdays that you're proud of. We're cheering you on.

  69. One Crafty Mother says:

    Oh, I'm so incredibly moved by this. I'm moved first by your loving words, your friendship, your willingness to help your friend speak her truth in such a loving and non-judgmental way.

    I'm also moved by her bravery. I don't know her name, but I say these words to her directly:

    You did the hardest thing: you admitted to yourself and to another person that you have a problem with drinking. That is HUGE. When I witness this kind of bravery I know that you are on the road now… I don't know where it will take you, but I know that speaking your truth is the most important part of starting to heal. I've never been one to tell people what to do or how to do it, but I say one thing because I know it will help: KEEP TALKING. It is so important to ride this wave of bravery, to keep speaking your truths – talk to you friend, talk to strangers over the internet or at an AA meeting or a spiritual advisor or a therapist. But DON'T STOP TALKING.

    You can email me anytime you want: ellieandsteve@verizon.net The biggest gift I got when I stopped drinking was the amazing women who came into my life and loved me until I could find the courage to love myself.

    On less cheery note – it always gets worse. The drinking. Because you have the disease of alcoholism in your family you probably know this already: the elevator only goes one way. Down.

    Don't lose yourself in shame – you wouldn't be beating yourself up for having any other chronic and potentially fatal disease, like diabetes or cancer- you'd just turn to the doctor and say "what do I need to do?" It's the same thing here .. it's not your fault, and the good news is the disease of alcoholism is treatable. Talking is the very first step.

    You are brave and strong and true and your words spoke right to the center of me. Life on the other side is amazing – it's not always wonderful, but it's REAL.

    Love to you.

    -Ellie

  70. Anonymous says:

    I wanted to comment that I am so thankful for every single word written here. I have read and re-read every comment. I have been thinking. And praying.

    I'm at a crossroads and I'm determined to live a good, healthy life.

    I'm so thankful for your kind, respectful words.

    And thank you, Natalie, for being my friend and more.
    -anon poster.

  71. Megan (Best of Fates) says:

    I am so terribly sorry for your friend, and I truly hope she finds the strength inside herself to fight against her demons and overcome them.

  72. Diary of a Diva Mom says:

    It has taken me a long time to write a comment to this post. I have read it and re-read it countless times. You see my mother passed away just 3 short months ago from her drinking. She died alone and no one found her for a few days. I struggle everyday with her death, I struggle with missing her and with anger because it didn't have to be this way. I am so proud of your friend for asking you to post here, it takes courage to say you have a problem out loud. I have prayed for your friend day and night since your post and I hope that she gets the help that she needs that she doesn't become a victim to her disease like my mother.

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