I’m Baaack…Kinda…

So I haven’t written a “real” post since Friday. Sure, I had a post for Saturday and Sunday, but they didn’t tell you anything new and exciting about my life. They were informational. And I didn’t even bother to write one for Monday.

Why you might ask, am I slacking on my blog posts? Because, well, I’m very tired. Exhausted. Uneasy. Restless. Anxious. Moody. Zero patience and zero tolerance for any kind of stress. I have body aches and pains, specifically in my neck and head. I feel sad. Hopeless. Sound familiar to anybody?

I wasn’t going to talk about this. I was going to just kind of sweep it under the rug and go on. But the whole purpose of my blog is to be honest – with myself, and for my kids. So here is something I haven’t shared with you before. I battle with depression, and I’m losing this round. When I say I battle with depression, I mean I have a very mild to moderate case of it. But anybody that has ever fought with it knows that even a mild bout is hard to deal with.

I first realized that I had more than just the occasional blues after I had my son. I got a really bad case of post partum depression. I mean, sit on the couch, feed the baby, don’t want to see anybody or do anything but cry. And it didn’t get better as the weeks passed and my hormones were supposed to be leveling out – it got worse. So I started taking anti-depressants. They made me feel SO much better. Normal.

So when my doctor asked if I was ready to get off of them a couple of months later, we ended up having a discussion about how they made me feel, and how I realized that I had been suffering from depression prior to my pregnancy and delivery…but I didn’t have a name for it and didn’t realize that’s what it was. So I stayed on the anti-depressants until we started to try to get pregnant with the twins. Then I weened off of them.

Since the twins have been able to move around these last few months - they are mobile now and getting ready to walk soon – it’s been creeping back into my life, but I didn’t realize it. My husband did, and sat me down to talk about what he thought was going on…that the depression was rearing it’s ugly head again. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until he mentioned it. As soon as he did, I realized all the symptoms were there, and called my doctor. I’m getting back on my anti-depressants.

I know there are probably some of you out there that either battle depression or maybe have a loved one that does. It sucks. I have a friend that had severe depression, and after feeling what I’m feeling, I honestly don’t know how she deals with it. So if you also battle with it, I send hugs and support to you.

I can tell now, looking back over the last month or so’s blog posts, that many of them “feel” negative or down. I don’t want to be Negative Natalie, and I don’t want to keep this a secret. It isn’t something I have control over other than I can choose to treat it. So that’s what I’m doing.

If you haven’t seen me around your blog, or I haven’t responded to your comments, this is the reason why. I hope that you understand! I have 122 emails sitting in my inbox right now, and there is no way I can get through them all – so as of today, I’m getting back on track and I will be back in action. It helps me to stay busy and “up” and it makes me feel better to see your thoughtful comments and to visit other blogs.

So there you have it. I’m doing the best that I can with the energy I have right now. Please bear with me while I get myself straightened out. I’m gonna try to get to all the blogs I can and answer and respond to comments, but if I don’t get to yours, know that I appreciate you stopping by my blog and I will get back to you…it just may take longer than normal.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think it's great that you are sharing this information. I have 4 boys, ages 9, 5,4,& almost 3 and I definitley think I can understand how you feel.
    It sounds like you have a grasp on the situation but if you ever need a little pick me up, send me an email!! I will send you a candle to brighten your day. :o)
    Irene-your candle lady

  2. Ms. Understood says:

    You definitely need to take care of yourself before anything else. I hope that you start to feel back on track soon.

  3. Aw, Natalie. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It makes me sad for you. But I'm very happy to hear that your husband was proactive and helped you see that maybe you needed a little help right now. Good for him!!!

    Go *easy* on yourself with the whole blogging thing, feeling behind, trying to answer comments, yada yada. Sometimes, it just feels good to wipe out all that stuff in your inbox and Google Reader and say, "it's okay for me to start with a clean slate."

    Your honesty is moving and I know your gals will be here to support you! :) ((hugs))

  4. Good for you for getting this off your chest. I'm sure it makes you feel a little better. And I'm glad you are getting help! I have never had ppd or battled depression so I can't say I know how you feel….BUT I'm praying for you and I will keep you in my thoughts! :)

  5. forty-something chick says:

    Natalie, I would be willing to bet that just writing this post is helping in a BIG way. You are heading in the right direction, and what a gift your hubby has of seeing the big picture of what's going on with you. Best of luck in the weeks to come, we all love reading your posts no matter what the content! I am a fairly new reader, but have never picked up on a negative vibe.

    Just think too, about how much you have helped people just by being honest….letting people know that they aren't alone. We all need to feel like that! Hugs to you….

  6. You are not alone. Please be patient with yourself and don't ever apologize for not blogging or commenting. Just do what you can when you feel like it. No one should expect anything more than that. And no one, not even super woman herself can keep up with everything all the time… Kids, laundry, personal time, exercise, relationships and blogging; it's too much! Your husband is a saint (and a very brave man) for bringing this to your attention and I really appreciate you sharing with us. Sending big hugs and lots of understanding your way. Things are going to get better!! xoxo

  7. Karen Mortensen says:

    Oh Natalie. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. It is awful, I know. I have been dealing with this for years. That is great that your husband is helping you and that you are getting the help you need. Just remember to take care of yourself.

  8. ♥Cari♥ says:

    (((HUGS))) I'm so glad that you have someone there to recognize the signs! I'm glad that you are sharing because this seems to be an issue that is such a taboo topic and it breaks my heart!

  9. Aw, Natalie. My heart aches for you. Thank you for your honesty and sincere heartfelt words. Know that you are not alone girl.

  10. Jessica Anne says:

    Thanks for sharing that. I think it's so important that people hear about depression and know that other's have it and find ways to deal with it. I hope you're starting to feel back to normal, and just keep feeling better.

  11. Mama, we'll be in the same anti-depressed boat then. Bobby calls them my happy pills. I love them and try not to imagine life without them. I hope you start feeling better soon. :)

  12. Tammy P. says:

    Natalie,

    ((hugs)) & kudos for your courage. Even in today's society, there's a bit of a stigma attached to these kinds of discussions. I have moderate – severe depression, fairly well-controlled with meds. Had a recent relapse & am adjusting meds, so will hopefull be back on track also.

  13. Maureen says:

    Natalie, this is such a powerful post. I hope you can battle and kick depression's butt with the help from all your loved ones. I was just thinking about writing my own story about almost a similar thing. Your honesty had inspired me! Thank you for sharing, girl!

  14. Natalie … saying that "I'm thinking of you and here if you need to talk" seems like such a canned response. But it's truly not meant to be. I mean it – sincerely. Even if only to read your words and comment a message of support and hope, I am here (as are so many others). Depression is confusing, mean and ugly – and putting it out there for us is so honest and true. I admire you for that. Hang in there, take it one day at a time – one moment at a time. Sending you peace …

  15. If you have been paying attention over in my blog world, you know that I have had my issues with depression. I am glad that medication has helped you in the past and that it will help you out of this episode as well. I'm glad too, that you are self-aware enough to hear your husband's words as love instead of judgment. It is hard to listen when you are in that bad place.

    You should be impressed and proud . . . both of yourself and the strength of your relationship with your husband.

    My love and support to you. Take care of yourself and your family.

    Everything else? Will be here when you return.

    Promise.

  16. Allyson & Jere says:

    Oh friend, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I'm sorry that ANYONE has to deal with it. It is awful, on both sides.

    What a sweet husband you have and obviously a good relationship that he could sit you down and you could "hear" him and get moving in the right direction.

    Good luck and I hope you get feeling better soon. Goodness knows my blog misses you! hahahahahahaha (ok, it's me, you KNOW I had to make some snarky comment right?)

  17. Heather says:

    Sending {hugs}! My husband has battled depression for years! He once tried to ween off and without telling him I put a smiley face, sad face or angry face on the calendar each day depending on his mood LOL After a month I showed him the calendar with far more sad or angry faces than smiley ones! You are so lucky to have a supportive partner! It's okay to stay or go back on the meds! Thanks for sharing your inspiration and struggle!

  18. Nina @ Momma Go Round says:

    Thank you so much for sharing…that can be really scary! I know I have found blogging to be very cathartic and helps me release so much stress. I hope you can find the same outlet here.

    At least for me, don't feel any pressure to support your bloggy friends, it's our turn to support you!

    Hugs and love!

  19. Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud says:

    I'm sorry to hear that depression has creeped back into your life once again. I've lived with depression for the last couple of years. I've tried to wean off from my medication, but it appears that I wasn't ready. I can totally relate to your struggle. It's great that your husband is part of your support system. Opening up to us about your depression is a brave thing to do. Know that you're not alone and that we won't disappear if you can't stop by as regularly as you have in the past. Thanks again for sharing with us and for stopping by my place as often as you have.

    Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
    @TweetingMama

  20. :) Ah Natalie.
    I too have had some bouts with depression. Good job to you for facing it head – on and good job to your hubby for telling you what he sees.

    If only we all had someone in our lives to call out our depression! :) Feel better soon!

  21. The Urban Cowboy says:

    Do what you gotta do! It's more important for you to get yourself right again, we'll be here. That is really brave of you to share something so personal.

    I once dated a woman who suffered from depression, and was on medication. After dating awhile, she felt better than she could remember so she stopped taking her medication. Long story short, our relationship didn't make it.

    I'm rooting for ya!

  22. Mommy Spirit says:

    Your honesty is like a breath of fresh air. At times, I suffer from mild cases of depression myself. It's difficult, especially when you want to stay positive for your little ones.

    On another note, I recently received the Sunshine Award and would like to pass it on to you. (I don't know if you've received it before.)

    http://mommyspirit.blogspot.com/2010/07/i-received-sunshine-award.html

    Take it easy, and have a great week!

  23. Maxabella says:

    It means a lot that you've shared so honestly. I hope you have all the support you need to get through.

  24. I feel ya. I have been on antidepressants for about 3 years. Even with the meds I have my times when I don't want to get out of bed. It sucks, it really sucks, but the only way to help yourself is to be able to admit you suffer from it, and you've done that. Hang in there!

  25. Pumpkin and Piglet says:

    Oh Natalie if we were closer I'd come and give you a hug, will a virtual one do instead?

    I've battled with depression since I was 16 and no, even a 'mild' bout isn't easy. I'm glad the medication works for you, I've been on and off for years and wouldn't hesitate to go back on it again if I had to. It shows the strength of your relationship that your husband was able to talk to you about this and you could go and get some support. I was watched carefully once Piglet was born in case I got Postnatal depression, it was really rough for a few weeks but luckily it didn't fully develop.

    There's no pressure on the blog front, you'll get round when you can and everyone will still be here. Take care of yourself and know your friends are here for you x

  26. cooperl788 says:

    Natalie, your blog is such a wonderful, open and honest look at your life. Good for you for having the strength and courage to do what you need to do for your family. I have battled mild depression and anxiety for much of my adult life, and it's really hard to try to be there for your family when you can barely be there for yourself. Take some time to do something loving for yourself today. Lots of support coming your way!

  27. Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli says:

    Honesty always makes for a compeling post. I think your decision to get treatment is extremely wise. Fix the problems you can. Heaven knows there will be plenty we can't fix!
    My husband always has to tell me these kind of things too.

  28. Funky Mama Bird says:

    *hugs* I've battled mild to moderate depression most of my life as well, coupled with panic attacks and anxiety. It does suck. Do whatever you need to to help yourself. And if you need help or someone to talk to, please let me know.

  29. NanaDiana says:

    Natalie- Thank you for being so honest. I think when we share our burdens they become lightened somehow. And, I don't know how you feel about it, but I believe that you will have a whole host of people praying for you now. I know I will be one of them. Two of my very good friends have suffered from depression their whole lives. One keeps going off her meds and suffers horribly because she just can't come to grips with the fact that she can't "fix it" herself. The other one has stayed on, but changed, her meds over the years & she does fine. My hubby also suffers from mild depression and is finally on some meds. I wish he had admitted it and done this many, many, many years ago…but, at this point, I am grateful that he has finally conceded that he does suffer and needs some medical help. The sad thing is that there is so much stigma attached to this because there is nothing viable that anyone can SEE. I am happy that you are aware of it and have found a solution that will work for you. Hugs to you from me- Diana

  30. The Sharp's says:

    So sorry you are dealing with this! I think it is amazing that your husband can sit you down and honestly talk to you about it and you can respond to that. You guys seem to have a great relationship! Wishing you strength and sending hugs.

  31. Lula Lola says:

    Hugs coming your way! I think posting something this close to home will speak to a lot of people that are dealing with the same thing. Good for you for being strong.
    I dealt with a tad of the baby blues after Sam was born and it was awful. I can't imagine if it had turned into a full on depression. You'll be a better Natalie if you can get this under control! Sounds like you've got a sweet husband and support is key in situations like this!

  32. Cuz I'm the mama! says:

    Very honest post, Natalie. Thanks for sharing. Sending you hugs and support. The blogging world is a great place to connect with people who support you so you are in the right place to move through this. You can do it!! Hang in there!

  33. Big hugs lovely lady. You're braver than the average bear. Call anytime.

  34. Oh Natalie, I am so sorry. Depression is a horrible thing to live with. I'm so glad you are doing something to get it taken care of. I have actually been wondering myself if I should go on something. I am impressed you have been able to do as much as you have. I have been battling depression for the last few months and I had to drop my blog posts to 3 a week and my visits and responses suffered a ton as well. I just could not bring myself to do much of anything except take care of the kids.
    I know it sounds cliche but hang in there and know you aren't alone

  35. thanks for sharing that natalie…i think it is more common than people realize and something that isn't always discussed. so thankful you can feel better with meds and have good support in your life. sending hugs! ~g

  36. blueviolet says:

    I suffer from that too, and if I wasn't taking medication, I'd just lie in bed and sleep all the time. I totally get it, and I hope you fight through this round sooner rather than later. :)

  37. MommaKiss says:

    Honey, I take the happy pills and I'm not at all ashamed to say it. I'm pretty sure I had a case of depression between pregnancies, but then the hormomes masked a lot of it. After my 2nd kid was a year old and I was still feeling like a beat down ninny, I finally asked my doctor about it and thank God I did. It's not easy, at all, but you face it and do your best.
    And no response needed – promise – just keep on keepin' on!

  38. (((hug))) my friend. i have been there too many times to count. i have often thought of going back on some meds. to regulate everything but have not…yet.
    so good of you to speak out about this!!
    if i lived closer i would totally take you out for beer and pizza right now!

  39. I. Feel. You. I could have written this post! You are not alone. Please do what you need to do to get on track and know that we're all here if you need hugs and support. I wish there was more to say or do, but hang in there and know that you're a strong, beautiful woman and a great mommy and this shall pass and you'll be strongER and more beautiful and an even better mommy for it.

  40. An Imperfect New Momma says:

    Oh Natalie, I feel your pain. I suffered from depression before I was pregnant. I'm sending you prayers, hugs, good thoughts and all that jazz!

  41. Aging Mommy says:

    Natalie I know you shared some of this with me when I talked on my blog with my struggle to find happiness. I do not by the way think your posts have been negative or down with the exception of your stories about your vacation which I confess made me wonder if you were having a tough time right now as you so clearly did not enjoy the trip and the photo of you staring out at nothing worried me. I am so sorry you are struggling with this again. You have three very young children which would result in extremely challenging and difficult days for anyone. I think you are brave to write about this, I hope doing so helps you and if you ever want to talk you only have to let me know and know also I am thinking of you. Try if you can to carve out some time to treat yourself and let others help you as you know they want and can do.

  42. WTH am I Doing? says:

    Depression sucks. I struggle with mild/moderate depression as well. I notice it most when I get overwhelmed with life (too many commitments, not enough time/energy). I took a couple of different anti-depressants for a while, but they made me feel kinda beige. My lows weren't as low, but I had no highs either. Everything was just kinda "eh." I'm glad the seem to work better for you. :) Try to get some rest & take care of yourself. I find that goes a long way toward making me feel better… :)

  43. I never would have known it by your blog. You are definitely not "Negative Natalie". I applaud you for being so honest and I hope you get some relief with the meds soon. ((Hugs))

  44. Chelsey - The Paper Mama says:

    Like Lacey said: Mike calls mine my happy pills. I was really bad when Ruari was about 2-3 months old. Lots of crying.

  45. I hope you passed on those 122 and haven't let it add to your stress! Thinking about you!

  46. I understand how you feel, because I too suffer from moderate depression too. I have just restarted being on medication for the past two months because it started to creep back into my life too. It has been something I have struggled with for most of my life too, and like you I didn't have a name for it. Hang in there it will get easier, I am finally feeling like a "normal" person again and it is a relief! BTW I awarded you on my blog so go grab the button when you can! Your honesty is refreshing because sometimes it is easy to feel like you are all alone in your struggle!

  47. Oh honey, I've been there. I struggle to keep from letting the depression overtake me, but it's HARD.

    I get overwhelmed and the tiniest little things can seem like the biggest deal when I am feeling like that.

    Those emails? Scan them to see if there is anything you HAVE to reply to…the rest- delete. Everyone will understand.

    Thanks for this brave and honest post!

  48. Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) says:

    Best wishes to you, I admire your honesty. You can add one new follower…me!

  49. Gucci Mama says:

    Bravo for being honest and putting yourself out there! Many women wouldn't have the courage to do so. I hope it gets better and I hope it helps to know that most of us can relate in some manner. You are loved and supported!

  50. Natalie, I may have had PPD, but I am also a lifelong depression sufferer. I feel for you right now. It's a terrible feeling to realize that you've somehow slipped back into the grasp of the dark.

    In truth, it's a large part of what prompted me to take my digital break a few weeks ago. My doc was switching around my meds. Hell to go through, but now that it's (mostly) done, I'm feeling much better.

    You're lucky to have a husband willing to point out your slide. My hubby and therapist are under permanent instruction to let me know if they think I'm in trouble. And while it really sucks to hear someone say that you are in trouble, sometimes it's necessary.

    I'm proud of you for writing this post and for fighting this fight. Don't hobble yourself by feeling as if you've got to be supermom and superblogger and super everything else, though. Let the emails in your inbox go. Give yourself permission to work on feeling better before you work on other things. I learned that one the hard way. Even if you don't post as often, it's ok.

    Big mental hugs being sent your way.

  51. I know you've probably heard a lot of "I feel you" and "I've been there" but I'm going to reiterate. You. Are. Not. Alone. Just know that NONE of us are going to hold it against you, and if someone does, that's their problem. I'm agreeing with the parts about wiping out your inbox and reader and starting fresh. It's really gratifying. I've done it several times, but just because I have a hard time keeping up. DO NOT let any of this blogging stuff add to your stress factor. Remember who you're doing it for.

    Depression (for me anyway) is one of the hardest things to deal with. It's difficult when you can assess the situation and pinpoint the problem, but when it comes to fixing it, you can't do it yourself. As mothers, we have a hard time relinquishing control to something like a pill. It just seems too easy. And the guilt! It made me feel like I was taking the easy way out, but the truth of the matter is, when it comes to depression, you HAVE TO have outside help. For the pills, there are doctors and such. For the support, there's us. We love you and we want the best for you. Try to keep your chin up and never forget that you and your family come first. Don't worry about us. We'll be here, still loving you whenever you decide to come back, whether it be today or several years from now. Sorry this got so lengthy. I'm in a talkative mood today. If you need to talk to someone NEVER hesitate to email me. It's on my contact page.

    Much Love!

  52. GasStation Cappuccino says:

    I officially love you.

    I haven't written about my own depression, mostly because I haven't had time to, with everything else going on.

    I call it "surfing the blue wave." Sometimes the waves are really big and strong, sometimes they're just ankle biters, but in all cases, a good sunscreen and swimming buddy go a LONG way toward surviving.

    I *STRONGLY* urge you to look into a group called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness–wonderful, wonderful, people. Even though it is national, there are local groups all over the country.

    Hang in there, and if you need a surfing buddy, let me know!

    (Liberation is a major POSITIVE step!!!!)

  53. enya@almostcrunchy.com says:

    Big hugs, Natalie! Your comments always cheer me up and I wish I could return the favor. Sending you lots of positive energy and good intentions.

  54. moveovermarypoppins says:

    Brava, Natalie, for sharing. I'm glad to see your readers, your community, myself included, reaching back to you.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts.

  55. I love your honesty. Hang in there lovely lady. I know depression isn't like a broken arm but I am thinking of you and trying to send bags of giggles your direction through the computer screen and even though its currently not working and Boyfriend thinks I'm nuts smooshing the cats face against the monitor I'm gonna keep trying anyway. You're worth it.

  56. Lindsay says:

    Big hugs to you and your family! This was a beautiful post, in the unguarded and honest way you wrote of your depression. Just as many are reaching out to you with their stories and support, I am sure that this post may be a catalyst to help others who may be struggling. I hope you start feeling better soon!

  57. Sluiter Nation says:

    Oh Natalie, you are NOT ALONE. Please remember that. So many of us have been (are) right where you are. I'm still battling my demons. We will get there. The blog/twitter world is there for you. It's a STRONG bond and love in a way I am not yet sure I understand. I pray daily for my efriends (you included) whom I have NEVER met! I just know it's right. So you, my friend, are in my prayers. You will beat this. And if you need to reach out, we are here. If you need a break, we get it. Hugs.

  58. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says:

    Oh, darlin'…

    I'm just so very very glad that there is medication out there that is helpful. And also so glad that your husband recognized the changes for what they are.

    We are here, with love and support, while the you get the world that should be yours back again.

  59. I am right there in the trenches with you sister! It is an ongoing battle & for me it is one that has really never gotten easier. I am having a very rough time right now so I definitely feel for you! I often wonder if I will ever feel normal. Lately I have just been keeping my head afloat. I am so glad you decided to share this. I hope the meds start to help as quick as possible (cause I know it can take a few weeks). Kudos to your hubby for recognizing the signs. If you ever need to talk/vent you can always email me. Huge ((HUGS))… the kind where I don't let go first! May sound strange coming from a stranger but I sorta feel like I "know" you a little =)

  60. The Sweetest says:

    Your honesty is so refreshing, and it forces me to reflect on my own emotions, ambitions, and sometimes lack thereof. Looking back, I absolutely had PPD and will be more aware of that if we decide to go for number 2. So glad you are doing what is best for you- hopefully you will notice a change sooner than later.

  61. Bethany @ Organic Enchilada says:

    You bring smiles and happiness to so many other people. Hang in there!

  62. Dear Sweet Natalie,

    I officially give you a free pass on any of my comments from here on out!! Please don't feel like you have to reply personally. I don't know how you do it in the first place!! You are such a sweet, kind lady. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I totally hear ya on this…I'm in the process of getting hormone levels and other crap checked out because I have just NOT been myself either. I hate waking up overwhelmed and sad..and that is how it's been for me. I had to just let some things go! Do some stuff that needed to be done..and just relax. It has done wonders. (Of course, I'm not downplaying meds at all)!! I'm so thankful that you have recognized the symptoms before they spiraled out of control.

    Sounds like you have a great husband who is there to support and love on you!!

    So..go take it easy! ha ha…quite difficult with a toddler and babies…read a book…sit in the sun..

    I'll be praying for you!

  63. Babes about Town says:

    Well done for having the courage to be open and share where you are, because so many can relate. I'm amazed you even have the time to think let alone write! You've got a lot on your plate and the best thing you can do is look after yourself, so that you're able to look after those who depend on you. Nobody expects you to be supermama, let alone super blogger!

  64. The Mommy says:

    Sending you virtual hugs. Talking about it is the first way to battle it out of your life. Thanks for being honest and sharing this on your blog. I'm sure that this is just a phase and will pass.

  65. elizabeth @ twelvecrafts says:

    I'm going to add one more comment to a long list. It's amazing how the state of depression creeps in – sometimes so slowly that you don't know when it started or what it was like before. It's so sneaky that it just becomes the new normal – the new you, even though there is a different you still inside, a happier, laughing, more joyful you just waiting to get out. I feel for that you inside of "you".

    I don't want to see a reply to this comment in my inbox. I don't even want you to think about replying, and I don't want you to feel guilty about not replying! ;)

  66. After my son, I had PPD and the scary thing was hubby and I both knew what to look for and while it was happening we didn't even see it. With the second child, we were more aware and so were my friends because we had talked about it and I knew to ask for assistance…it was not as bad,maybe because my expectations of being a parent were not as crazed or seeded in perfection as the first time, so I was not as stressed. I am pretty sure I battle with mild depression on and off…it is not bad, just rears its ugly head…I can control it with food and exercise.

    Take it easy on yourself and take care of yourself first!

  67. Cara Mamma says:

    Oh Natalie….what a great and honest post. I started taking anti depressants just a few months before my wedding–seriously, I should have been over the moon happy, but I wasn't. I am now on two—plus I see a therapist once a week. I have to admit, I am very worried that I will be on these things for life… it just does not seem right. But at the moment, as I sit with a relatively clear, un-anxious mind….I know that the meds are helping.
    I am so glad your husband noticed and was supportive.
    xoxoxo

  68. You are so amazing! For sharing this, for being an amazing mom and responding to so many e-mail :-) I really hope everything levels out for you. I know with every kid my depression got worse until I finally dealt with it. Talking/typing about it is such a positive step!! Nicely done!!

  69. MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) says:

    I love reading your blog…you always have something interesting, entertaining, and relevant to say. And I think it's very commendable and so cool that you're so committed to connecting with your readers, responding to their comments and checking out their blogs.

    I imagine I speak for a lot of folks, though, in saying that you have to take care of yourself and your family first. Let the blog be something fun…a creative release…a way to connect with the outside world…but don't let it become a burden. Respond back / visit other blogs as you can…folks understand!

    And if we start to wonder where you are, we know where you "live" in the blogosphere!

    All the best…

  70. Brandie says:

    I just wanted to say that I too deal with depression. It reared its ugly head after the birth of my first child 8 years ago now, however looking back I wonder if I didnt have signs of it even before…anyway know that you arent alone. I still deal with it. I am still on anti-depressants since it runs in my family and I have struggled with it so my doc. recommends I stay on them. I dont want to go off. I still have issues with anxiety attacks and all that, so I am hoping and praying it gets easier for you…but know you arent alone…I have been there too!

  71. adriel, from the mommyhood memos says:

    hey natalie. i gave you a shout out on my blog! :)
    adriel

  72. I understand. I'm sorry you hurt. It absolutely will pass. Love you.

  73. Mrs.Mayhem says:

    Natalie, I'm so sorry you have been suffering. I do know how lonely, miserable, and scary depression can feel because it is a battle that I have fought (and continue to fight at times). I hope you will start to feel better soon.

  74. The Empress says:

    Wow. 75 comments on this post: I'd say you struck a chord.

    I was on vacation when you posted this.

    I have had depression since I was in first grade. I have it daily. Meds don't help, neither does therapy.

    BLogging has been HUGE. It's given me companionship and a voice, and I'm not alone anymore.

    There are so many reasons for it, but I can tell you , you are not alone.

    Some days are very hard for me, some are easier. But I try…but I try.

    I'm thinking of you. And I will always be available to "talk."

  75. Melissa says:

    I'm right there with you, Natalie. I can totally relate to "I'm losing this round." I've been getting help for the past year or so, but in retrospect, I think the problem has been around much longer than that.

    Sometimes it helps me to get exercise (which produces natural endorphins), and sometimes it helps just to count my blessings. Of course that sometimes leads to feeling guilty for feeling depressed when I have such a great life … but sometimes it helps!

    I'll be praying for you.

  76. MrsJenB says:

    Hi Natalie

    I completely missed this post and am so glad that Lish highlighted it on her blog today.

    Here I was, thinking that I was alone. You've reminded me that none of us are ever alone. And you should remind yourself of the same thing.

    I hope getting back on your medication helps you. Antidepressant use runs in my family – I've seen the difference they've made in my mom's life and my sister's as well and I hope that you can get yourself back to where you want to be once they take hold. Many prayers and good wishes heading your way…

  77. Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip says:

    How the heck do I manage to always miss the important posts. I realize I've been a shitty bloggy friend ever since I started working at SK, but DAMN. I'm sorry!! I wish I had seen this one. I'm sorry you struggle with depression and I want you to know that I think it is really brave of you to talk about all these issues openly. It is so helpful for all of us who have struggled this way. Both depression and anxiety run in my family. And many of us are medicated for it. I'm sorry you've had to struggle too, but glad to see how many people out there have shown support. You are not alone. Not at all. And if you ever want to talk, I am here. Always. I've been there. Love you.

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  1. [...] Monday, I blogged about my struggles with depression. Seems that I’m not the only one that has to deal with this ugly problem. I received over 70 [...]

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